Has anybody liked someone but didn't care enough to pursue

Page 1 of 1 [ 12 posts ] 

DialAForAwesome
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Oct 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,189
Location: That place with the thing

31 Jan 2013, 8:49 pm

it? I'm sort of in this situation right now, but am on the fine line of not liking this girl anymore as well. Probably because I don't feel like jumping through hoops again to (very likely) get shot down again.


_________________
I don't trust anyone because I'm cynical.
I'm cynical because I don't trust anyone.


Philosoraptor
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jan 2013
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 180
Location: Massachusetts, United States

31 Jan 2013, 10:59 pm

I have faced that quite often. Often, if a girl who seems to have desirable traits (intelligence, kindness, ambition, etc.) puts in the effort to communicate with me, I gain a liking to them as a result. However, the liking is only strong enough such that I'd say yes if they asked for a date but not strong enough such that I would be willing to risk a possibly negative or awkward aftermath of asking them out.

I have ruined a great friendship with a female friend when I anxiously asked them out, and I do not want to make that mistake again.



DialAForAwesome
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Oct 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,189
Location: That place with the thing

31 Jan 2013, 11:26 pm

This is kind of a new phenomenon for me. There's a girl at work that I kind of like, but at the same time I don't feel strongly enough to let it be known that I like her. I think part of what is keeping me from doing it, other than thinking I'd be rejected again, is that she goes to school 2 hours away from here for most of the week, so she is rarely at home (she also barely works for that same reason. She works maybe 1 or 2 days every 2 weeks).

She's really cute and sweet and everything, but I just can't be assed. :? A weird thing is, a few months ago, she seemed to be showing some type of interest in me (such as asking if she looked cute with her headband pulled down, and calling me pet names all of a sudden), but she doesn't do that too much now that she's gone back to school. I do know for a fact that she doesn't have a boyfriend since she happened to mention the last time that I saw her that she didn't have one (not to me specifically, I kinda overheard it).


_________________
I don't trust anyone because I'm cynical.
I'm cynical because I don't trust anyone.


aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,181
Location: Canada

31 Jan 2013, 11:27 pm

I have had that problem myself, but ultimately learned that I had to have no fear and not look for acceptance. How many of your friends kept saying to you to be yourself? Don't think too deeply about it.
I have learned that your mind and ego is going to tell you "You can't have her, she is out of your league." You can't think this way at all. Also, and I strongly advise anyone if they are still doing this: Don't identify with your Aspergers/Autism. Your true self will come out when you no longer need or look for acceptance and support from others. Your true self will come out when you don't seek validation. Being rejected usually has nothing to do with you, it has more to do with her. Don't make a problem out of this if you don't get yes for an answer.



Philosoraptor
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jan 2013
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 180
Location: Massachusetts, United States

31 Jan 2013, 11:30 pm

The pet names and conversational focus on appearance seems to be possible indicators, but then again it could just be the culturally accepted way that women kindly make small talk with men. I'm never able to distinguish between that and flirting.

Anyone with more experience willing to pitch in on the specific behavior he is describing?



aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,181
Location: Canada

31 Jan 2013, 11:33 pm

It sounds like she likes you, and enjoys having your attention and company. That is pretty much all there is to say about the behaviour being described. How she feels now? I don't know



MXH
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,029
Location: Here i stand and face the rain

01 Feb 2013, 12:04 am

every so often.



IlovemyAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2012
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,030
Location: Alone

01 Feb 2013, 1:44 am

Philosoraptor wrote:
The pet names and conversational focus on appearance seems to be possible indicators, but then again it could just be the culturally accepted way that women kindly make small talk with men. I'm never able to distinguish between that and flirting.

Anyone with more experience willing to pitch in on the specific behavior he is describing?



Pet names and conversational focus on a appearance-definate indicators! I should know, it's what I did!



CaptainTrips222
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,100

03 Feb 2013, 2:09 pm

Philosoraptor wrote:
I have faced that quite often. Often, if a girl who seems to have desirable traits (intelligence, kindness, ambition, etc.) puts in the effort to communicate with me, I gain a liking to them as a result. However, the liking is only strong enough such that I'd say yes if they asked for a date but not strong enough such that I would be willing to risk a possibly negative or awkward aftermath of asking them out.

I have ruined a great friendship with a female friend when I anxiously asked them out, and I do not want to make that mistake again.


Similar thing happened to me. I was more attracted to her wholesome personality and her intelligence and maturity than her appearance. I asked her out, she turned me down, and it was never the same again. :(



answeraspergers
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2012
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 811
Location: uk

03 Feb 2013, 2:29 pm

Has anybody liked someone but didn't care enough to pursue - 100% yes

I expected them to come to me for years.

It means you get chosen rather than being the chooser.

Quote:
I have had that problem myself, but ultimately learned that I had to have no fear and not look for acceptance. How many of your friends kept saying to you to be yourself? Don't think too deeply about it.
I have learned that your mind and ego is going to tell you "You can't have her, she is out of your league." You can't think this way at all. Also, and I strongly advise anyone if they are still doing this: Don't identify with your Aspergers/Autism. Your true self will come out when you no longer need or look for acceptance and support from others. Your true self will come out when you don't seek validation. Being rejected usually has nothing to do with you, it has more to do with her. Don't make a problem out of this if you don't get yes for an answer.


The above is pretty much spot on!



TommyGun991
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 2 Dec 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 65

03 Feb 2013, 5:48 pm

The story of my love life actually. I like a lot girls but I never pursue them, I've never actively pursued a girl in my life. Call it laziness or lack of motivation to even get into a relationship.



devey
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jul 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 146
Location: England

04 Feb 2013, 12:31 pm

This happens to me all the time.

I want to see if they're worth the effort first. It's a healthier attitude to have since you're raising your standards and not being desperate, and it will probably attract other people to you.