What its like to have a meltdown!

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This is what its like inside my head when I have a meltdown Crona representing me medusa *the tall blond mean lady* representing how I think other people think of me and the little black dragon representing new situations and obstacles of the unknown and Ragnarok *the black monster guy beating on crona* representing my own personal negative self hating thoughts leading to self harm and abuse![youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlEQEqq9yVg[/youtube]

oops meant to post it in General Autism discussion not Love and dating!! Gah!

If anyone gives you any flack about where you posted, then they must be one of those mystical PERFECT people who have never made a mistake. How exciting to think the GODS walk among us!

Something in your description of melt down makes me think of PTSD. I have both: melt downs courtesy of Aspergers and trauma courtesy of very bad treatment in childhood. These can get tied up together and very painful and difficult to separate. The pain of each is distinct, however. In times of great conflict, emotions get tangled and unraveling one source of pain from another can be tricky sometimes!

How you have shown this emotional event, these difficult times, is quite amazing and I thank you!

Self-defeating thoughts,I have to discuss those with my therapist all the time.
I went down for about a week in dec.,stayed in bed or on the couch and thought what a waste of breath I was.Wouldn't answer the phone,no computer.
I try to think of it as being sucked down into an undertow,if you fight you drown,but if you just let go you will pop back up eventually,all though it may seem like an eternity.
I always think "I should have done this or shouldn't have done that",then it starts to ball up in my mind.Doc said don't even use that word or you will" should" all over yourself.
Be kind to yourself.

I never have them
I look for humour as much as possible

Meltdowns will attack you at your worst. They begin by kicking you in the head and they end at beating on your heart.

Self-defeating thoughts for me. Everytime I start engaging in such behaviour, I meltdown.. and certain friends disappear and never come back.

For me, self-defeatist thoughts arose from having to explain the phenomenon without knowing about autism. I've read this can lead to ocd and schizotypal? or schiziod behavior. Like believing people hate you that's why you're getting upset... I think it's because some of us are ultra-sensitive to the moods of others around us, too.

Hope the video explains what its like. I do get negative self hating thoughts as they manifest as well as negative opinions of others add to it.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWgApN3GZwA[/youtube]

One really bad day I went to my therapists,the wall heater in his room was really loud and making knocking sounds.It really bothered me and I said"that thing is so annoying I want to kick it."His repy "well,why don't you?"
I think he meant it as a joke,but I didn't.I kicked the $hit out of that thing and the top popped off.They had to replace it.
Now that I think about it,that's when they assigned me a caseworker.

sometimes having a meltdown can be a form of releaf, I can release days worth of negitive thoughts in a a few minutes of hours and that can lead to clearer thinking and its easyer to be honest with someone after you meltdown since theres nothing to cover up anymore, i'm honest about things when I do it. Location of the meltdown trigger is almost always public though and I have had friends honestly ask me if i'm still their friend after. The embarrisment hurts though and that is long term, nothing worse then having someone bring your meltdown up at dinner years later, its nothing to be proud of.

It's worse remembering having them around the kids,they are like "Moms having one of those "episodes".And worse when they have friends over.Talk about a guilt trip.
I can't believe they still love me.Amazing.

One time I came home from work and my parents werent home I was going to smoke a bowl and go on the computer for a while. When I went to my hiding place where I stashed my bong and my herb everything was gone! I tore up the whole room looking for it until it set in that I had been caught while I was at work. I was pissed, scared, and confused at the same time, ended up throwing my laptop against the wall destroying it.

That looks more like a shutdown to me, which is a very destructive internalization of the stressful situations that the world heaps upon us. Aspie meltdowns are a very positive thing, consisting of a release of all that stress until it is no longer of any more significance. Look back at my past post history for more thoughts on this. I have written a lot about meltdowns in the past (I think about a year ago). I just found them for you (May 2011)... links below:

> http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt163097.html

> http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt161377.html