It seems to me Aspie women have an easier time then men in

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lonelysoul
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05 Jan 2007, 2:07 pm

NJwlss wrote:
what if the guy she wants doesn't ask her?


That statement says it all. The guy you WANT. Many aspie males don't even have as much room to be picky. Even if they ask a woman they WANT out, chances are likely because of their AS, it ain't happening. The male has to be the "aggressor", and have all the "skills" and "tools". It's not as necessary for the woman to have those things. PLUS, if you did decide to ask, an aspie female is less likely to be rejected, simply because of it.



NJwlss
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05 Jan 2007, 2:35 pm

lonelysoul wrote:
The male has to be the "aggressor", and have all the "skills" and "tools". It's not as necessary for the woman to have those things.


the male doesn't have to be the aggressor. traditionally they had to be because they had to get permission to marry a girl from her father since daughters were considered their father's property. but today women can be assertive and desire to acquire those "skills" and "tools" so that they don't have to settle for a man from a limited dating pool. old ways die hard, but times are changing. and the more assertive women get in the dating game, the easier it is for guys, especially less sociable ones like aspies to find someone.

the man "had" to be the aggressor in the past, but doesn't "have" to be today.



NJwlss
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05 Jan 2007, 3:06 pm

lonelysoul wrote:
NJwlss wrote:
what if the guy she wants doesn't ask her?


That statement says it all. The guy you WANT.


with more social and communication problems than nt girls, why wouldn't aspie girls try to find someone that they really love? i don't mean "want" as in unatainable crushes, but "want" as in she choses to find someone she really likes not just the best guy out of the limited group that asks her out. maybe no one in that group fits with her personality at all. she can search and wait for someone that is compatible. traditionally women didn't have this option dating wise, nowadays they do.



Tim_Tex
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05 Jan 2007, 3:24 pm

NJwlss wrote:
lonelysoul wrote:
NJwlss wrote:
what if the guy she wants doesn't ask her?


That statement says it all. The guy you WANT.


with more social and communication problems than nt girls, why wouldn't aspie girls try to find someone that they really love? i don't mean "want" as in unatainable crushes, but "want" as in she choses to find someone she really likes not just the best guy out of the limited group that asks her out. maybe no one in that group fits with her personality at all. she can search and wait for someone that is compatible. traditionally women didn't have this option dating wise, nowadays they do.


BINGO!! !! !

If any woman, Aspie or NT, wants to be in a relationship with me, it has to be because something about me turned her on. If her desire to be with me is part of a desperate attempt to "be like everyone else", then I will have no part in the relationship.

I make no exceptions to this rule.

Tim


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TheMachine1
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05 Jan 2007, 3:28 pm

My guess from a math probability point of view if a single aspie man finds a mate in his life time the odds have to be more than 10 to 1 she will be a NT women.
So the question if aspie men or women have a harder time finding a mate is of no use but to make some aspie women feel as if us aspie men do not understand their suffering. I have made that misstake before and it serves no purpose.

A more important and usefull guide for single aspie men would be how do aspie women and NT women courtship vary? You can make the assumption that aspie women by the definition of aspergers may infact be more passive and more like the traditional female role where the male does most of the courtship agression action. In that case aspie womens addvice to aspie males maybe even less usefull than a random NT female. Which means threads like this serve no purpose but to promote alot of rantings by men and women that maybe useless to each other.



hale_bopp
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05 Jan 2007, 5:43 pm

MishLuvsHer2Boys wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
is seems jonathandoors is an idiot.

Quit the assumptions, man.

Men seem to have ridiculously high standards, also "love" is very hard to find no matter who you are.


Yeah that's true... lol of course, this whole thing almost brings me back to the feeling of letsgoblues, etc.

He's made a lot of assumptions about lots of things so apparently even though his profile says family member with AS, he's got a ways to learn about AS and women too it seems.


He also has very selective hearing... seems like LGB all over again.



Tim_Tex
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05 Jan 2007, 8:18 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
MishLuvsHer2Boys wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
is seems jonathandoors is an idiot.

Quit the assumptions, man.

Men seem to have ridiculously high standards, also "love" is very hard to find no matter who you are.


Yeah that's true... lol of course, this whole thing almost brings me back to the feeling of letsgoblues, etc.

He's made a lot of assumptions about lots of things so apparently even though his profile says family member with AS, he's got a ways to learn about AS and women too it seems.


He also has very selective hearing... seems like LGB all over again.


What's LGB?

Tim


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TheMachine1
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05 Jan 2007, 8:30 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
e
What's LGB?

Tim


I decoded it to mean letsgoblues (WP user) mentioned by MishLuvsHer2Boys.
I never heard of him but a quick scan of his post reveals some people had problems with him.



Tim_Tex
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05 Jan 2007, 8:40 pm

TheMachine1 wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
e
What's LGB?

Tim


I decoded it to mean letsgoblues (WP user) mentioned by MishLuvsHer2Boys.
I never heard of him but a quick scan of his post reveals some people had problems with him.


Oh.

Tim


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NJwlss
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05 Jan 2007, 10:17 pm

on one hand aspie girls are excessively idealized as better(apparently they are "completly honest" and never lie!) and less frivilous than nt girls(which isn't necesarily the case) and then on the other hand they're resented as having such an easy time dating wise. not fair...ha! way too much projection taking place in how aspie girls are thought of. irrational to have aspie girls serve as projective containers for our negative and unwanted feelings and frustrations. projection and jealousy get you nowhere.

and why would aspie girls like it having guys constantly hitting on them and asking them out as some think is the case with them? then it seems like all guys just want to get in their pants and the guys who act nice are just passive aggresive phonies.



sweetpraline
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07 Jan 2007, 11:05 am

jonathandoors wrote:
It seems to me Aspie women have an easier time then Aspie men in finding love and getting laid.


No, that's not true. It is hard for aspie women, too. I know because I have lived it. I was always seen as the "weird girl". Therefore, guys don't view me as dating or relationship material.



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07 Jan 2007, 1:18 pm

Yeah, there are a few females with AS who are incel.... It's because (no offense here) they look overly masculine. A guy doesn't wanna feel like he's dating a guy with a vagina, that's sort of crossing orientational boundaries. I mean I know looks aren't the most important thing, but to some degree they are. I mean, straight men won't dig her because they'll think she's a guy, the only real dating options for them are lesbian. I don't mean this to hurt anyone's feelings, and I sincerely hope that I'm not hurting anyone's feelings. But it's the truth though.
But they still have it easier than men though, because they can make themselves look alittle more feminine and attract guys (I'm not saying you hafta go full on victoria secret, just enough to be identified as a female). If she looks alittle more feminine, enough to be recognised as a female, guys will approach her. Not so with a male, because we have to do all the courting.
AS women don't have to go out of their way to look more feminine, they don't need to go the usual NT route of using 10 lbs of makeup and 3 cans of hairspray. Just grow your hair alittle bit longer, take some care of your shape (I'm not saying you'd have to be a supermodel, in fact I'd rather a girl didn't look that attractive because it'd likely mean she had little if any inner beauty, most likely, but it doesn't help to look like Mr. Universe or Samoa Joe from TNA wrestling either).



NJwlss
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07 Jan 2007, 1:41 pm

snake321 wrote:
Yeah, there are a few females with AS who are incel.... It's because (no offense here) they look overly masculine. A guy doesn't wanna feel like he's dating a guy with a vagina, that's sort of crossing orientational boundaries. I mean I know looks aren't the most important thing, but to some degree they are. I mean, straight men won't dig her because they'll think she's a guy, the only real dating options for them are lesbian. I don't mean this to hurt anyone's feelings, and I sincerely hope that I'm not hurting anyone's feelings. But it's the truth though.
But they still have it easier than men though, because they can make themselves look alittle more feminine and attract guys (I'm not saying you hafta go full on victoria secret, just enough to be identified as a female). If she looks alittle more feminine, enough to be recognised as a female, guys will approach her. Not so with a male, because we have to do all the courting.
AS women don't have to go out of their way to look more feminine, they don't need to go the usual NT route of using 10 lbs of makeup and 3 cans of hairspray. Just grow your hair alittle bit longer, take some care of your shape (I'm not saying you'd have to be a supermodel, in fact I'd rather a girl didn't look that attractive because it'd likely mean she had little if any inner beauty, most likely, but it doesn't help to look like Mr. Universe or Samoa Joe from TNA wrestling either).


dead wrong. there are many feminine nt and aspie women who are incel. they can't find someone that they are comfortable with. and aspie women especially with increased communication difficulties. women who are seen as "weird" or social outcasts or losers don't have it any easier than guys.

no offense here and i don't mean to hurt your feelings, but that comment was pure emotional thinking and idiotic.



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07 Jan 2007, 2:08 pm

and what's so wrong with tomboys and girls who aren't as feminine as the norm? if these straight guys are so insecure about their sexuality that they need to have a woman rigidly externally conform to the feminine norm then they're not worthy of dating aspie girls.

rather than empathizing with aspie women who have dating difficulties like aspie guys like us do, you suggest they're too masculine?

(i don't mean to be argumentative, but everyone with aspergers is going to have a hard time finding love. and it's counterproductive to say that aspie women or women in general have an easier time. not only is it wrong, but repeating that falsehood isn't going to make them like you.
i'm a huge hypocrite in saying all this because in interacting with nts i'm always saying and thinking how easy life is for them and how hard it for me. and not only don't they like hearing that and think i don't empathize with them, but it's not necesarily the case. everyone has difficulties, the less we whine about our own and the more we listen and empathize and try to understand others, the more people will like to be around aspies like us.)



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07 Jan 2007, 2:28 pm

Here is what I want to see in a potential girlfriend, Aspie or NT:

1. Wanting me because something about me turned her on, not as a desperate attempt to "be like everyone else" And I would strongly prefer that the thing about me that turns her on be something about my personality--not anything material.

2. The ability to be flexible every now and then--someone who can think outside the box.

3. Someone who is comfortable with giving and receiving touch.

4. Sexual compatability.

5. Someone who does not give up when things get difficult.

Tim


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07 Jan 2007, 3:43 pm

That's all guys think about, getting laid. That's why it's easier for me as an ASPIE women to get laid if I want to get laid. But I'm Not a hole. Don't treat me as one. I don't want to get laid by just anyone. I want love, and most NT males aren't going to put up with my weirdness and most ASPIE males are too weird themselves.