Common Time wasters of online dating (for guys).

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Other than those who never responded after two messages, those are types that you guys shouldn't waste your time on:

1- Fake profiles:

The most effective way to check whether a profile is fake or not is by checking its pictures, use the google's Search by Image: http://www.google.com/insidesearch/feat ... image.html or for Chrome as extension: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/deta ... nflm?hl=en

2- The after-100-years respondent


This girl who would respond to your message like after weeks or even months; if you get a such delayed message you may try once to reply her with something quick (wait a day or two before replying) hoping that you may get a quicker reply this time, if the next reply happens to be that delayed too: ignore her for good and never message her again.

Chances are that this girl is only active once a month or so on the site or she might be too nice (she replies everyone) yet too popular and getting tons of messages but you're in the bottom of her list; either way she's a waste of time for you.

3- Miss anonymous forever:



Those can be the GREATEST timewasters

In the other thread I said "8- After the chat/exchanging goes well, try to get her email (ie. do you have an email you use for chat?), bear in mind that the online dating is a woman's world and you need to take her out of it asap. "

You might encounter an interesting profile with unclear or no picture - you message her anyway, you get a reply and you start exchanging a lot of messages; after reaching that level it would be time to ask for a mean to chat/message her elsewhere.

Some girls might give you a mean for exchanging chat/messages elsewhere (ie. anonymous email) yet are too paranoid about revealing anything personal like their name, picture, fb, even the major area where they live or even refusing talking with you on skype by voice or cam; hell there's no guarantee that she's not be a guy or an old granny. If you feel she's of that paranoid type, be clear from the beginning that you're seeking for a girlfriend, not for an internet friend and that's why you were asking for those things.

Most girls would start anonymous (best way to make her comfortable quicker is by initiating unrevealing personal info about you, like providing her your fb for example), it's understandable but when she would insist in remaining anonymous even after months of daily exchanging messages/chat then it might become a potential huge waste of time for you (because if you meet her after years and one of you doesn't feel any chemistry...boom!! you got f****d up by investing load of time!). When this happen, be straightforward with the girl and tell her that it's really time to know more about her otherwise nothing would advance forward, if she refuses...stop contacting with her - as flat as that. Don't worry about her feelings, she will find another guy from the dating in no time, that if she wasn't playing that anonymous game with several candidates. IF she really cares for you, she'll try to contact you and compromise some matters. Otherwise, this girl is not really ready for online dating and should have sticked to the safest regular offline ways.

A concrete example: There's a girl's profile I liked on a local dating site, there was only one not so-clear picture of her but I messaged her anyway, she replied and I got her anonymous msn after few exchange of messages - she just revealed her first name back then and a small msn display pic, we chatted daily a lot later on for two months; I've asked her once again to tell me more about her and if she wants to meet me up and she was like "as I said in the first time, I am the one who decides to reveal details about myself when I feel it's time" (Fine, but I am not an immortal), another month passed, after revealing my full name, residency area, facebook... etc, I finally got pissed off of her unwillingness to share in return so I simply stopped contacted her and put her in the see-me-as-offline list and totally forgot about her.

After like 5 months, I logged by mistake as 'visible to all'; she saw me online and started messaging asking me where I have been for that long, I responded that I have been too busy for wasting time on chatting on daily basis and showed no interest in knowing more about her, after a chat of 1 hour she gave me her full name, her facebook and her phone number, and started texting me obsessively for a week then we decided to meet up in a starbucks. We met, I liked her, she pretended me she liked me back (oh, she said 'you look taller in pics' not sure if it is relevant) - the next day after the meet up she stopped the obsessive texting thing; turned out later that she's no longer interested.

Moral of the story? Dating-wise, don't invest too much time online with a girl, no matter how you two click online, the first real meet up is what will determines whether she likes you or not, so if you meet up the girl after 10 months or after 1 week, the outcome will be the same: accepting or rejecting, time me will not increase the likehood of accepting you so it's much better to know earlier than later.

Regardless of the girl's reasons of being so paranoid (bad experiences, harassments..etc), it's not your fault, you're not the cause of her bad experiences nor enforcing her to go for dating websites, so It's ok to be bit of selfish here.


4- Ego-vampire girl:

She's the girl whom their only goal is to make you a +1 to their facebook; they might interact with you very nicely at first, replying you and all. ...until she adds you on FB, when you find out that she has a 3000+ of guy friends there, keep your dignity and unfriend/block her - fast.

One thing I want to comment on is what you mention about the anonymous people. I personally do not reveal any personally identifiable details about myself whatsoever until after I meet someone, and sometimes even then I will be hesitant. The reason being, that just from messaging someone online it is hard to get a picture for who they really are in person. If it turns out to be someone who's completely bat**** crazy, I don't want them knowing my full name and I sure as heck don't want them knowing where I work. That's just a safety precaution and one that I think everyone should follow on those sites. But other than that I do mostly agree with what you said in that part.

That goes for replying to things like Craigslist-ads too. Change the settings in your e-mail account beforehand, so that it only shows your first name to the unknown person receiving the e-mail.

Great thread, would also be cool to see as a Sticky

Lest we forget The Text Hex:

She offers her cell number after a reasonable exchange of on-site messages, let's say within a couple of weeks of consistent conversation rhythm. BTW if you haven't learned (like me the hard way) yet, the guy never gives his phone or Emal unsolicited.

There is all kinds of advice on the web on "how to text" so I won't spam it here, but the general rule is 1 text per 3 of hers. The time waster here is that you're both within the same fairly large metro area, and the texting pattern has gone on for over a month with no telling when, if ever, you'll actually meet in person. Of course, assuming you haven't disclosed on the first text or her interest level hasn't already dropped to 40% from natural causes.

I don't think I mentioned revealing residency address and workplace. Anyway, yes, times have changed, gone the days when two persons meet on the irc, text for months totally anonymously and meet up later in a totally blind date. I usually do not ask for the girl's number online or FB, I usually start asking them for something less personal like msn/skype/kik; it was always the girls who have gave me their nbs and FB before the date!, usually after talking me in voice after few days.

Is it a riskier way? maybe, but also your total-anonymous way has its risks too, a NT girl probably can tell a lot by voice-conversation with the guy and by checking his fb. I don't think any of them would disclose their nb/fb if they've sensed creepy vibes from me.

But if you want to be it your way, then it's also more fair for the guy (assuming he's not the crazy type) to meet him, after few weeks of extensive chatting or 1 month of fairly chatting, in a public safe place rather than chatting him for long months and months and when you meet him up you find out that there's no mutual chemistry.
You might be a great person but also wasting the guy's time big time, the guy might be a crazy bastard but also he might be a genuine good guy wasting his time.

Guys on dating sites, unlike girls, usually don't have the luxury of getting dates fast, hell, most of them rarely get the the "1" on the inbox icon from a non-scammer; guys have to be a lot more active on dating sites seeking for a potential that would accept them (hint: read the experiences on females who logged as males in dating sites, they've noticed that too); guys on those sites in average certainly have less options so time is precious for them.

So I am gonna be bit biased here for the guys here (this is a 'for guys' thread after all) and advise them accordingly how to not waste their times.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 05 Feb 2013, 3:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

How effective is that google search by image? I've searched my own images on there and they don't come up (luckily haha).

its only good for the super obvious fakes. Now other ways of telling fakes youll learn with experience. Also depending on the site and your location will be the ammount of fakes around. You also need to separate them into bot and impostors. Botsare easy to spot when you talk to them or notice youve read the same profile before (copypasted). Imposters on the other hand are able to hold convos, but more than likely will not seem to advance through the stages of a succesfull meeting. Itll be one large tease, depending on how good they are and how much they do it can be how easy it is to see through lies that dont fit together.

I forget what I read on a profile like about 2 seconds after I click off i, so I guess I'd be a good targett.
Although I don't suppose there's too many fake guy profiles. At least if they guys that messaged me are anything to go by. If they are fake they should like choose a better person to impersonate or something, because seriously, they just suck.

How long do you usually end up chatting with girls before you meet up IRL? I've been on several OKC dates and it's usually only a couple days and maybe a few exchanges back and fourth before we give phone numbers and meet up for a drink.

My impression is that most girls will have extensively read a guy's profile that they are interested in and will be fairly eager to meet up to discover if there is chemistry. If they reply to your messages a few times and you get a back and fourth discusion going, that's a fairly good indicator that they are interested and you should just ask them if they want to meet up for a drink/coffee.

Usually about 2 days to 2 weeks; it depends.

and no, they don't usually read the profile extensively as you might think.

Yea, I have certainly met one of those too.

*bump*

This is an old thread from me, some of the details are outdated now (ie. msn) but everything else is dateless really.

Including yourself, I see..

^^ That was a harsh pun, but funny.
But I am not entirely dateless, if you consider casual flings as dating.

Not meant to be harsh. You just left that one so wide open I couldn't resist..

Then I shouldn't manspread when you're around.