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earthmom
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05 Feb 2013, 1:45 am

.......



Last edited by earthmom on 06 Feb 2013, 8:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Valkyrie2012
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05 Feb 2013, 2:00 am

<---- found your post a bit ouchie :(

You could be my mom writing this almost word for word. I know I am a burden for my mother. That is what breaks my heart most.



earthmom
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05 Feb 2013, 2:06 am

....



Last edited by earthmom on 06 Feb 2013, 8:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Valkyrie2012
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05 Feb 2013, 2:14 am

I wish I could tell you great advice. That it will get easier. I wish I could say that to myself too.

If maybe I can give insight to some of your sons behavior so at least you can maybe better communicate with him - you can PM me.... I am sorry I can't be of more help than that.



earthmom
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05 Feb 2013, 2:16 am

Thanks. I do appreciate your responses.


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InThisTogether
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05 Feb 2013, 6:42 am

earthmom wrote:
Have you given this any thought as you parent your small AS child? They do get big, you know. :\


Frankly, I have yet to meet a parent of a kid on the spectrum who does not spend an excessive amount of time thinking about just that.

I am sorry I have no advice. But you do have my sympathies, as does your son. This cannot be easy for anyone.


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ConfusedNewb
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05 Feb 2013, 7:51 am

To be honest I just get by day to day without worrying too much about the future just yet. Shes only 5 and not yet diagnosed so I cannot possibly predict the future. I hope she will be as independant and ambitious as her Dad who has used his AS to his advantage and got on well in his job. We are lucky that we dont have too many problems with her and I beleive she will go on to lead a relatively normal adult life once she is able to deal with it.



momsparky
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05 Feb 2013, 8:43 am

We talk a lot about our goal of DS being an independent adult...but I fully recognize that we have no idea what will happen.

However, social services are there for families of the disabled - I hope both the posters above take full advantage of them. IMO, it is one of the best uses of our tax dollars that exists.



littlelily613
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05 Feb 2013, 8:58 am

I understand people's concerns, but I must say that I am soooo glad my parents' do not see me in that negative a light.


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Alexmom
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05 Feb 2013, 9:04 am

I agree that this is a worry and I think about it from time to time.



ASDMommyASDKid
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05 Feb 2013, 11:06 am

I think about this a lot. My son is 7, so I don't have the challenges you do, yet. I am happy for him to live at home as long as he needs to. I worry more about what happens when we die.

If he does not express gratitude because he can't (He is not good with emotional expression) that is OK; He takes an almost daily bath, now. I hope he continues to. I don't care if he never transitions to a shower. I will settle for baths. If he is depressed about living it home, I will try to get him help. Your son maybe is depressed, if his behavior seems "entitled" he might just feel resigned to a life at home, and feel he has no constructive purpose.

If my son can't pitch in financially, we will just have to make it work. It is trite, but it will be what it will be.



paris75007
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05 Feb 2013, 11:54 am

There are some great resources for developing executive function...sounds like he needs help in that area. You may have to teach him, instead of telling him what to do. Organizing isn't that simple for some of us. Help him find a place for everything and label it...give him a checklist for all the tasks he needs to get done each day and break each task down to its steps. Give rewards for completion. Program his phone to beep with reminders. Start small and gradually increase your expectations. Remember, Whatever you are feeling, I'm sure he's just as frustrated as you. It's not so easy when your brain won't manage the simple tasks that no one else has to think about...and no one knows how to help you so you can manage them independently.



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05 Feb 2013, 12:01 pm

I'm glad my parents don't have to worry about this. I have lived on my own, got a boyfriend and then got married, had a child. They still don't have to worry about me because I can work and support myself I have collected disability in the past and still could if I had to. Plus I am clean too and show respect.

I can't imagine being in such a situation and would probably go tough love by kicking them out and not care if they are homeless.


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StrayCat
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05 Feb 2013, 12:56 pm

I was adopted (and therefore no relation to my parents).

My adoptive mother figured out I was autistic when I was about 13. She told my stepfather, and that was about it.

When I was 17 and just out of high school, they kicked me or, claiming tough love. I was never a "bad" kid, just different. I wish I could have stayed living at home, but my mother was constantly trying to change me, rather than help me.

Today, I've been homeless off and on for the last 18 years.
I get disability, but it's not enough to live in a rooming house. Most places that could help me require CORI checks, and I need to have mine sealed. Not sure how to do that.


The person who said they would just kick their child out and "not care if they were homeless" is disgusting. (Read: you remind me of my adoptive mother) That's cruel to put a person (ESPECIALLY YOUR OWN CHILD) on the street knowing they can't take care of themselves!



League_Girl
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05 Feb 2013, 1:08 pm

StrayCat wrote:
I was adopted (and therefore no relation to my parents).

My adoptive mother figured out I was autistic when I was about 13. She told my stepfather, and that was about it.

When I was 17 and just out of high school, they kicked me or, claiming tough love. I was never a "bad" kid, just different. I wish I could have stayed living at home, but my mother was constantly trying to change me, rather than help me.

Today, I've been homeless off and on for the last 18 years.
I get disability, but it's not enough to live in a rooming house. Most places that could help me require CORI checks, and I need to have mine sealed. Not sure how to do that.


The person who said they would just kick their child out and "not care if they were homeless" is disgusting. (Read: you remind me of my adoptive mother) That's cruel to put a person (ESPECIALLY YOUR OWN CHILD) on the street knowing they can't take care of themselves!




Didn't you read the OPs post? She said her child is rude, disrespectful, won't shower, won't clean up after himself, his room being a threat to the whole home which I assume is a health hazard, come on? I wouldn't want such a child in my home so they either clean up their act or move out and try and figure it out on their own. AS doesn't give you an excuses to be rude and disrespectful to other peoples property.


EDIT:
Quote:
He smokes, in a home that is strictly no smoking, and drinks (during which he has broken things in the house that neither he nor I can repair) So the house is being torn up and not fixed, and it stinks - badly.


That is a good reason to kick your kid out, AS or not. To hell with their disability.


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Last edited by League_Girl on 05 Feb 2013, 3:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf
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05 Feb 2013, 1:16 pm

earthmom wrote:
What if you don't have money or resources? What if you are just barely scraping by and of course the 'kid' is totally oblivious? And causes trouble by ignoring you, being rude, making endless messes, stinking to high heaven because he won't wash himself or his clothes and his room is a so bad it's a threat to the whole house? What if your 'kid' outweighs you by 2x ?


'wont' or can't, is this purposeful rudeness or not understanding social interaction, can the kid be totally unoblivious, are they even oblivious?......do you even know what autism is? not trying to be offensive but a lot of that while frusterating isn't exactly suprising with autism kind of sounds like what it might look like if someone was on the lower functioning end of the spectrum...Maybe it would be a good idea to look into some autism resources online, some here may have some advice though not so sure how well most people here will take the post as there are autistic people here to and there is already enough about how much we burden our families and this and that so it is a little bit hurtful even if you aren't necessarily talking about every single individual with autism.

I personally am applying for SSI to be less of a strain on my parents(since for now yeah they kind of have to help me out a little with money) not much and kind of far in between and I live at my moms house and eat the food which her boyfriend never fails to remind me he buys the majority of...but I feel I am functional enough to manage the money I'd get with SSI well enough and keep myself and living space clean enough on my own. Someone less functional might need more support but I am not really sure what sort of options for that there are...though I get the impression its harder to find much help or support for adults with autism.