Advice for single, desperate Aspie in the Baltimore MD area?

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Mordigant
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06 Feb 2013, 8:24 pm

Last spring, I finally got hired to my first full-time position, which means I finally feel like a full adult. However, one thing that has always been missing in my life is an opportunity for romance. I want nothing more than to gain some relationship experience, however since I decided I was ready to start dating eight years ago, I haven't even met one girl that I liked who was actually single (I liked a few girls in college but invariably they all had boyfriends already.) Since graduating university at the end of 2009, I have been introduced to no girls at all (except one girl who I like as a friend but know I am romantically incompatible with, and she got a new boyfriend since the time I met her anyway.) One of the problems is, due to work I have not much time for a regular social life, though if I got a girlfriend I would gladly give up a significant portion of my free time! I have tried both Asperger's dating sites that I found through web searches but neither one has active girls in my area, and due to a bad experience with a girl in university I learned that I am probably romantically incompatible with neurotypicals, leaving me with no other options as the Aspie support group that I sometimes participate in only meets irregularly, a couple times a year, and almost never has girls. What should I do?



B3dsage
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06 Feb 2013, 9:22 pm

Mordigant wrote:
due to a bad experience with a girl in university I learned that I am probably romantically incompatible with neurotypicals, leaving me with no other options?


I know that emotions tend to ignore math, but I'm sure you know intellectually that a sample size of 1 is not statistically significant. There are many AS/NT relationships that are wonderful and life-long.

Also, please to not assume that aspie girls cannot be found looking for a partner through non-aspie channels. If you like the idea of online dating sites, I would recommend giving that a try. I had some great success with eHarmony, but I'm sure you can find compatible girls in other places as well. They might be rare, but that just makes them even more special when you find them :)


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My Aspie score: 119 of 200
My neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 92 of 200
I seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


ShamelessGit
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06 Feb 2013, 9:33 pm

B3dsage wrote:
Mordigant wrote:
due to a bad experience with a girl in university I learned that I am probably romantically incompatible with neurotypicals, leaving me with no other options?


I know that emotions tend to ignore math, but I'm sure you know intellectually that a sample size of 1 is not statistically significant. There are many AS/NT relationships that are wonderful and life-long.

Also, please to not assume that aspie girls cannot be found looking for a partner through non-aspie channels. If you like the idea of online dating sites, I would recommend giving that a try. I had some great success with eHarmony, but I'm sure you can find compatible girls in other places as well. They might be rare, but that just makes them even more special when you find them :)


I've thought about using eHarmony before, but I haven't done it yet because I don't have an income yet and I figure most women there are probably looking for somebody who's got his act better together. I should have an income after I graduate after about 2 years, and I was thinking about doing it then.

Do most of the people who use that site want to marry? Is there a wide range of people? I sometimes am afraid that on serious dating sites that there will only be conservative christian women in their mid-thirties who are afraid that they won't be able to get kids before they go through menopause.



Mordigant
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06 Feb 2013, 9:39 pm

I've tried several of the traditional dating sites, but the two I was most active on, I only had a total of three real conversations over three whole years, two of which happened to be fake profiles and the third chose someone else. My profiles on those sites continue to be ignored. I did do eHarmony's personality test a couple years ago but they said I was too unique to be matched.



B3dsage
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06 Feb 2013, 9:41 pm

ShamelessGit wrote:
I've thought about using eHarmony before, but I haven't done it yet because I don't have an income yet and I figure most women there are probably looking for somebody who's got his act better together. I should have an income after I graduate after about 2 years, and I was thinking about doing it then.

Do most of the people who use that site want to marry? Is there a wide range of people? I sometimes am afraid that on serious dating sites that there will only be conservative christian women in their mid-thirties who are afraid that they won't be able to get kids before they go through menopause.


I don't think you need to worry about any of that. I met a girl there who had a nice career and was happy to be with me even though I was still in college and later a broke entrepreneur. Also, you'll find plenty of women of all ages. I don't know if it's fair to say that most are looking to get married, but I do think they are looking for a more meaningful relationship than just a hookup. That's actually good for you! It means they are more interested in who you really are as a person (which is certainly not hurt by being an aspie) than they are in your perceived social value (which probably is damaged by being an aspie). Also, I think that you are more likely to find girls who are frustrated with the traditional dating procedures just like you are.


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My Aspie score: 119 of 200
My neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 92 of 200
I seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


B3dsage
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06 Feb 2013, 9:46 pm

Mordigant wrote:
I've tried several of the traditional dating sites, but the two I was most active on, I only had a total of three real conversations over three whole years, two of which happened to be fake profiles and the third chose someone else. My profiles on those sites continue to be ignored. I did do eHarmony's personality test a couple years ago but they said I was too unique to be matched.


Yeah I got that response from eH a few times. As I grew and developed over time, I decided to retake it and eventually it matched me with a wonderful woman whom I'm very glad to have had in my life (it wasn't meant to be, but that was more because of religious differences and my immaturity at the time).

Also, your profile may be ignored for many reasons. The biggest one is that women are usually waiting for the man to message her. The other things could be stuff like poor choice of photos, badly-written bio, etc. I suggest getting a friend, preferably a woman, to help you polish your profile. Hell even most NT men usually need help not totally turning women off with their profiles. For some reason, men are just bad at making those things :lol:


_________________
My Aspie score: 119 of 200
My neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 92 of 200
I seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


JanuaryMan
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07 Feb 2013, 8:02 am

My advice:
1) Keep trying the sites.
2) Try getting to know people in interest groups for things you like online (though let nature take it's course, nothing creepier than people wanting to go to such places just to meet girls).
3) Move out of MD :p