The Dating Game: What I've learned from WP Love&Dating

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Wolfheart
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07 Feb 2013, 5:17 am

So after being inspired by Boo to get out in the dating world, I had a good month to think about everything that has developed as a means and what is useful.

In dating

- Dating is a numbers game, rejection is a given, trial and error happens, take every approach as if it doesn't mean anything to you and develop a positive attitude.
- NT's see a white lie as being better than the truth, don't publicly date someone until you are ready to really put all your eggs in one basket, especially if you are seeing different girls.
- It's hard to be a challenge when you are socially desperate, so avoid that at all costs, be a challenge.
- Getting laid or having a romantic fling doesn't mean that it's going to be a good relationship. Just because you have gotten through the first few dates successfully, don't assume you can revert into being the old you, remain active
- Image is important, so is first impression. Finding acceptance or developing a relationship over a longer time can be the greater of the two but more rare so knowing first impressions is important.
- Dating is again down to multi level marketing, like anything as such as the job market or selling something on eBay. You can boost your products through multi level marketing as an unknown connection in a job or sales market which can help but won't help as good as being connected in that sales market, for instance being connected in the sales market like the fashion world is the equivalent to having a big circle of friends.

Personal
- That I need to be more sensitive, empathetic and caring towards others when necessary and that I need to control my mood swings.
- Girls still don't get me on a personal level including my best friend who is a girl..maybe girls just don't get us guys on the spectrum.



MCalavera
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07 Feb 2013, 5:30 am

Welcome back.

Quote:
That I need to be more sensitive, empathetic and caring towards others when necessary ...


You expressed care and empathy for many of the members asking for your advice. That wasn't the main issue as far as I know.

Quote:
Girls still don't get me on a personal level including my best friend who is a girl..maybe girls just don't get us guys on the spectrum.


Similar to my case. I only have one girl who truly understands and appreciates me in real life.



The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Feb 2013, 5:46 am

May the name of your future son be Boo.



JanuaryMan
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07 Feb 2013, 7:58 am

Welcome back :)

Some very well thought out points. You've definitely been away and done some thinking!

I have found being a challenge is indeed a challenge in itself when you don't have an advantage. It's definitely better to compromise in dating and social situations, sometimes letting things play out but make just enough moves to keep the general flow positive.

I don't think the personal issues you mentioned were the exact reasons you were met with some animosity from the L&D'ers, however it's great you've also taken time to reevaluate yourself as well as dating.



sunshower
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07 Feb 2013, 8:04 am

Interesting analysis. From personal observation and analysis of the human being both in its natural habitat and online I agree with nearly all the points you make.


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Geekonychus
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07 Feb 2013, 9:49 am

This is all awesome advice. Everyone here should take it!

Wolfheart wrote:
Personal
- That I need to be more sensitive, empathetic and caring towards others when necessary and that I need to control my mood swings.
- Girls still don't get me on a personal level including my best friend who is a girl..maybe girls just don't get us guys on the spectrum.


I have the same issues. I can get kind of narcissistic when I'm in a bad mood. When girls get to know me they realize I am very sensitive and empathetic if a little withdrawn and hard to read (I think it might actually add to my appeal.) As for finding someone who understands you on a personal level, that takes time.



rosemund
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07 Feb 2013, 10:36 am

Great post. I agree with you on all the dating points. I've been observing for the last year, and basically come to the same conclusions. Unfortunately, it's led to more apathy about being around people, and I was already anti social enough.

I don't agree with your self assessment about your empathy levels. I've never seen an indication you lacked empathy, so I don't think it led to discord on WP. From what I've seen, your h8ters didn't like when you got too close to the mark about them, for their comfort. Then again, I have the empathy level of a rock, so I could be wrong.

Good job though.



aspiemike
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07 Feb 2013, 11:53 am

These are all good tips for anyone in the world, and not just Aspies. NT's need to learn this too. Your personal reflection is fine as long as you don't do too much of it.
May I add to your list of tips for others:
-Don't heavily associate your aspergers/HFA with who you are.
-Don't look for acceptance, and do your best to prove that you are on equal playing field as other people.
-As for white lies, be very careful how many of them you tell to others as it will cast doubt



BlueMax
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07 Feb 2013, 2:06 pm

^^^ I wonder if the people who prefer little white lies keep track of them and get an "alert" when they start to contradict?

Welcome back, Wolfie!



deltafunction
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07 Feb 2013, 4:57 pm

I agree with it! :cheers:

But your post has me wondering...

Wolfheart wrote:
So after being inspired by Boo to get out in the dating world, I had a good month to think about everything that has developed as a means and what is useful.


Was this all the result of some serial dating experiment? :P


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The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Feb 2013, 5:23 pm

deltafunction wrote:
I agree with it! :cheers:

But your post has me wondering...

Wolfheart wrote:
So after being inspired by Boo to get out in the dating world, I had a good month to think about everything that has developed as a means and what is useful.


Was this all the result of some serial dating experiment? :P


It's a long story, before you were being born here on WP.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far, away; there was a clueless boy, a hobbit, he was used to eat fruits from the plains in the day and smoke pipe every evening, that boy was called Boo. One day, an unexpected visitor came upon his doorstep, a tall strongly-built human wearing a wolf hide, "Are you Mr. Boo?", the stranger asked--


I think I am mixing several stories here....



deltafunction
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07 Feb 2013, 6:43 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
It's a long story, before you were being born here on WP.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far, away; there was a clueless boy, a hobbit, he was used to eat fruits from the plains in the day and smoke pipe every evening, that boy was called Boo. One day, an unexpected visitor came upon his doorstep, a tall strongly-built human wearing a wolf hide, "Are you Mr. Boo?", the stranger asked--


I think I am mixing several stories here....


:lol: Let me guess, then you took the ring to Mordor


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MR20
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07 Feb 2013, 9:41 pm

So this list is for people that actually have dated or are dating, have friends, are attractive, not half-retarded and slow. Nice.

I don't really see how this helps me. Must be nice going through life with friends and people that actually want to be around you let alone having you touch them.



MR20
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07 Feb 2013, 9:50 pm

I just hate this so much. I can't relate to anything you said. The "socially desperate" thing really gets to me. I'm 27 and I've never any friends or girl/women ever interested in me.

All I want is for people to like, respect, and treat me normal. How I am supposed to not appear "socially desperate"?



aspiemike
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07 Feb 2013, 10:36 pm

MR20 wrote:
I just hate this so much. I can't relate to anything you said. The "socially desperate" thing really gets to me. I'm 27 and I've never any friends or girl/women ever interested in me.

All I want is for people to like, respect, and treat me normal. How I am supposed to not appear "socially desperate"?


Help yourself first and you will get help from others.
To quote the book, How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie: "you can make friends easier in two months by being genuinely interested in them than in two years by convincing people to be interested in you." That is all the help I have to offer you at this time.