Ever had an NT say you explain too much? They're often wrong

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BigSnoopy126
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09 Feb 2013, 10:31 am

Maybe it's not necessary to do a big info dump right int he beginning all the time, but sometimes?

My mom talked to an old friend whom we'd see when we had season tickets at a minor league baseball team's games. Becasue of remarriage her last name is different than mine. Well, I called him and he didn't remember who I was. He only remembered after I hung up.

I said in the short conversation what our names were but he was in a hurry and it was toward the end of the conversatin. I also said it in a way that may have implied that he'd seen my mom when he just talked to her and the person who saw her was a relative who gave him her number.

Now, had I explained exactly how they got back in touch and given our names up front it would have been what some NTs call too much information. But, it actually saves confusion.

Another time, I would have known how to handle the situation if a high school acquaintance had told me he'd been mistreated as a child when younger and that's why he said some of the things he did. If the teacher who asked me to help him and include in things with my friends had told me that it would have helped, too. (Granted, with the attitude I put forth he might have figured I'd figure it out so I don't fault him really. I see why he didn't. I just add him in here to make a point.)

There are other times when I can think of, but that most recent one just made me think; I know I don't come here too often but I like to point out oddities that just show I think more like an Aspie than an NT at times, ina place I know people will understand.

Why do NTs say so little sometimes? It does almost seem like when i provide more information right away and explain things more, it saves so much confusion.

Feel free to use the above examples, but I'm sure others have experienced other times when moer would have been better despite what NTs say.

Maybe that's the problem some of us have with small talk. Though I've worked hard to develop the skill, I think that the problem with small talk is that it's just providing small bits of information and not giving enough context.



MrKnowItAll
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09 Feb 2013, 11:06 am

There are a lot of reasons to avoid telling somebody too much at once. They may not remember all you say. They might get annoyed because telling them something they already know might them wonder if you think they're stupid. It takes up time when they want to get to the point of the conversation. Between saying too much and not saying enough, nobody gets it right all the time.

About the high school acquaintance who had been abused: People are reluctant to talk about things like that. It's good for a true friend to know. But when somebody who isn't a friend at all knows about it, it just makes the victim seem worth less to the non-friend, even though it isn't the victim's fault.



CaptainTrips222
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09 Feb 2013, 11:10 am

BigSnoopy126 wrote:
Though I've worked hard to develop the skill, I think that the problem with small talk is that it's just providing small bits of information and not giving enough context.


NTs give formal instructions the same way they casually interact, and it works for them. They can describe things somewhat vaguely, and still get the idea across. Also, the details they would need to understand something are usually different than non NTs.

At the same time, I've dealt with aspies that I thought talked too much, and I really just wanted them to be concise and get to the point.



BigSnoopy126
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09 Feb 2013, 12:03 pm

Thanks; good point about the details needed being different than for NTs; that might be true. It's just so frustrating that there is such confusion between when more info is needed and when less is.

Maybe I still want to get it right all the time, when as you say, one can't.



CaptainTrips222
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09 Feb 2013, 6:36 pm

At the same time, I also think people in general are poor communicators