College Dating: The Socio-Cultural Trends and Etiquette

Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ] 

Philosoraptor
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jan 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 180
Location: Massachusetts, United States

12 Feb 2013, 8:18 pm

This is basically a continuation of my journey from this thread, but it's a fresh topic so I think it deserves a new thread.

For those uninterested in the previous thread, today I ate dinner with a very nice girl who I sensed flirting with me in one of my classes. We seemed to talk very smoothly together. In fact, once we parted ways, she expressed interest in doing it again, and we decided to meet at that venue on campus every Tuesday after class for the foreseeable future.

A lot of topics on this board center around post-college dating, which has its own dynamics, but I suspect the closed-in, younger setting of college leads to much different dynamics. I am familiar with the hook-up culture, which is one common college "dating" trend, but I know very little about more serious dating in a college campus setting.

So, for any of you who happen to be in college now or graduating recently, what are some of the things to keep in mind if it proceeds beyond the casual dinner meetup phase? She is definitely neurotypical so I imagine she perceives the trends and etiquette and, if she's interested, would follow through them, but I'd like to have a general idea of them in advance so I am not caught off guard or give off vibes of confusion.

Specific things to consider would be these:
- Texting/IM communication etiquette/trends - how often? what kinds of small talk are done? I know guys are typically expected to initiate these.

- Conversation topics beyond personal interests, college activities/classes, intellectual topics and general family background - what would be too pushy, and at what stage does it become acceptable to talk about far more personal matters? For example, I intend to let her know about my Asperger's diagnosis, but I have not decided at what point I will do so.

- Personal activities to do on campus (e.g. watching tv shows/movies) - After our conversation, I have found we both enjoy watching tv shows and movies, and at some point I would like to offer watching something together as a bonding activity. However, college dorms aren't particularly private (especially mine, since I have three roommates), and I definitely would not like to merge my romantic prospects with my personal acquaintanceships just yet. I know she has a single-person dorm, but asking to watch things there is way too suggestive. From experience, any common college areas that could be conducive for such activities, or general advice regarding this dilemma?

- The phases of college dating - What are they, if any? I'm sure they differ based on the individuals involved, but I know dating generally involves a series of general stages before leading to a formalized "relationship". Are there any college-specific stages, or college-specific differences on the traditional stages?

If you think of anything else, feel free to post about that as well. I'm all ears for as much information as I can get. :)



MountainLaurel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Age: 71
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,030
Location: New England

12 Feb 2013, 8:44 pm

I am long out of college, but I think some things about dating are universal and innate. Also some of the points you brought up are the same now as when I was in school. (My two daughters are not so long out of college.)

A lot of college dating takes place on campus and that can start feeling a bit cloying after a while. If after a few dinners on campus, the two of you are still feeling comfortable and interested in each other; it would be classy to ask her out to an activity off campus. It's a big interesting world, why not incorporate some of that into your relationship?

I am not saying take her out to dinner off campus; that's too much like more of the same. I'm suggesting; museums, botanical garden greenhouses, shopping antique stores/old book stores, zoos, historical sites, poetry slams, music venues, hikes, walks near the sea/ocean........



Philosoraptor
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jan 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 180
Location: Massachusetts, United States

12 Feb 2013, 8:56 pm

MountainLaurel wrote:
I am long out of college, but I think some things about dating are universal and innate. Also some of the points you brought up are the same now as when I was in school. (My two daughters are not so long out of college.)

A lot of college dating takes place on campus and that can start feeling a bit cloying after a while. If after a few dinners on campus, the two of you are still feeling comfortable and interested in each other; it would be classy to ask her out to an activity off campus. It's a big interesting world, why not incorporate some of that into your relationship?

I am not saying take her out to dinner off campus; that's too much like more of the same. I'm suggesting; museums, botanical garden greenhouses, shopping antique stores/old book stores, zoos, historical sites, poetry slams, music venues, hikes, walks near the sea/ocean........


The biggest issue here is that neither of us have cars on campus. There is a shuttle into Boston so we could take public transport, but I am not sure if that has negative dating connotations.



MountainLaurel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Age: 71
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,030
Location: New England

12 Feb 2013, 9:13 pm

Quote:
The biggest issue here is that neither of us have cars on campus. There is a shuttle into Boston so we could take public transport, but I am not sure if that has negative dating connotations.

I can't imagine that it has a negative connotation to her. She knows that you're not a sugar daddy; you're a college student without a car, like herself.

There is nothing wrong with hanging out at home (which is what campus is for the two of you) most of the time when you're together. But believe me, women want to be taken out by their men. When men plan dates that are even just a little bit outside the same old, same old; we rejoice.

I repeat; it's a big interesting world outside campus and adding that to your relationship will make you more exciting to her. Much of that big world is accessible by public transportation. Get creative about it; that's exciting to women.



Philosoraptor
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jan 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 180
Location: Massachusetts, United States

12 Feb 2013, 9:19 pm

MountainLaurel wrote:
Quote:
The biggest issue here is that neither of us have cars on campus. There is a shuttle into Boston so we could take public transport, but I am not sure if that has negative dating connotations.

I can't imagine that it has a negative connotation to her. She knows that you're not a sugar daddy; you're a college student without a car, like herself.

There is nothing wrong with hanging out at home (which is what campus is for the two of you) most of the time when you're together. But believe me, women want to be taken out by their men. When men plan dates that are even just a little bit outside the same old, same old; we rejoice.


That's definitely good to know. I'll keep the agreed-upon routine for at least a couple weeks. If I sense it evolving, I'll surprise her with something more interesting in Boston. Thanks!



MountainLaurel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Age: 71
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,030
Location: New England

12 Feb 2013, 9:23 pm

Oh, man, I love Boston. I'm hard pressed to think of anywhere that has more to offer. So many interesting places to poke around.



Kaufmancab51
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2008
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 180
Location: Rochester, New York

13 Feb 2013, 12:14 am

You're so damn lucky. I'm in college, and I can't even get a look...


_________________
"Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up."


Philosoraptor
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jan 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 180
Location: Massachusetts, United States

13 Feb 2013, 1:16 am

Kaufmancab51 wrote:
You're so damn lucky. I'm in college, and I can't even get a look...


I feel ya. It took me three years of college and four years of high school to get one look. :hmph:


This isn't as related to college-specific dating, but does anyone have any advice on how to determine when is a good time to let a potential partner know about the Asperger's syndrome diagnosis? I'm interested to see how others went about it.