Have You Ever Become Tired of Trying With Aspergers?

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Before my Diagnosis, I was already exhausted (I'm 29 and its been a lonely life long struggle); tired all the effort to fix my trouble with social interactions; tired from trying. I got my diagnosis and honestly it helped; everything finally made sense but I just don't want to try anymore. I'm still waiting for an appointment to begin treatment however it will likely be a while. I'm exhausted.


Has anyone every successfully just given up on everything and found satisfaction living alone, with no friends, A sexually? Can I make this kind of life work?

Yes, I wouldn't say I have given up though. I would just say given my circumstances I have taken more a realistic approach to life. I'm a male, I live alone, I have no friends, I keep a strict routine, I work a stable part time job, I am single by choice, anti-sexual, and I am child free. This is mostly due to how autism affects me. It is the only lifestyle I can manage. I need to keep things real simple for myself to be happy in this world.

I have kept this up for 3 years now and I am proud of it. I will do my best to continue living this way for as long as possible.

In my case just living the life I want has been the best option instead of forcing myself into a lifestyle I think I should live. Now that I am happy I am free to find success in other areas of my life. I am glad you are perusing a higher education, and I think it is in science because you mention lab work. Don't give up on that, all your hard work will pay off!

The friends thingy is the least of my worries. A lack of friends won't ever prevent me from being able to eat.

Yes, I believe so. I think I have more or less managed to do that. It has taken considerable work to get my comorbid OCD and depression under control, and I continue to do everything possible to keep those stable. I actually found it sort of freeing in some aspects. Admitting that I don't enjoy social interactions in the forms that NT people do, that I have no desire to form an intimate relationship with another. That many people will have a negative reaction when they speak face to face with me, because of my body language, phrasing, word choice, lack of eye contact. To accept that and refuse to feel guilty or aberrant because I am not capable of living my life in that way. That has helped.

I must emphasize that it is critically important to have things to live for when you have this lifestyle. You must have hobbies. You MUST be physically active. I know that it can be extremely tempting to shut yourself away in a warm and safe room, never venturing into the light of day. I know because I did that at one point in my life. Depression will eat you away if you do that. it very nearly killed me.

Many people on the Spectrum are just happy being alone, having peace and solitude... and in that case, it's a matter of finding what feels comfortable and going with that, but it's not giving up. For some people, all the stress and effort of forming and maintaining realtionships is just not worth the benefits.

On the other hand, if you think that enjoying your own company just isn't for you, then some therapies might be very helpful in developing ways to make connections. When you make them though, keep in mind that you are special and will never be like the NTs around you. So, make sure that the relationships you have fit best with who and what you are. Don't try to form friendships and romantic relationships based on what others expect or by a what a textbook or film tells you they should be.

Last edited by dyingofpoetry on 15 Feb 2013, 7:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I can't say I am happily living alone, but I have accepted it any way. After so many experineces of being treated badly by so many people as if I were a bad person, I accepted that I'm better off keeping away from people rather than keeping getting hurt. I still struggle at work where I have no choice but to interact with my bosses and colleagues. Knowing about AS (I'm not diagnosed yet), however, has made it so much easier to accept who I am. I still feel sad about the fact that wherever I go, I will be an outcast. I am not one of those with AS who naturally perfer to be alone. I wish I were. As someone mentioned, having something to enjoy is really essential for living alone happily. I wasted so much time on feeling depressed because I didn't fit in. I wish I had spent all that time I wasted on thinking how I could fit in, why people don't like me etc (these thoughts dominated my life really) on something more practical such as study, hobbies. Well, it's not too late. I'm going to focus on useful things from now on rather than wasting my time with people.

I wouldn't say you should do the same because every individual is different, but I just want to warn you that there is a chance that you might end up just being hurt if you try to live like a person without AS/autism. Since I see that you have an excellent brain, I suggest you focus on your advancement in your study and career for now.

When I try to shut everyone out, this is when people begin trying to get in. It always happens. At this point I am working to complete my Masters in Psych however I wanted to take Post Bachelorette work so I could apply to a medical school however aside from the difficult task, this type of education requires working with others. I hate my current finance field. I honestly am not one of the Aspies that likes being alone, I am just unable to figure out social cues suitably. Also women will begin giving me tons of signals, showing interest, let alone giving me free stuff and complimenting me like crazy however I am never ever able to escalate beyond that and eventually they realize that I am broken and move on (or they insinuate that I am gay which drives me into a spiral). It always happens like this. Friends were the same way; I ended up pushing everyone away or they eventually leave.

I'm functional just enough to look normal but not enough to survive normally. To be honest, I don't want to spend the rest of my life completely alone but it feels like it will be that way. Sadly everywhere I go, people eventually try to pry their way in; it happens every so often and then things crash. I don't play video games anymore as I don't enjoy them much. As I get older all I can do is spend my time learning; stories and novels aren't fun anymore; only science and even math (which I was never great at) are the only things that I can stomach; these often make my head hurt but they are the only things that can hold me interest; only things that stimulate my mind. I hit multiple gyms recently trying to avoid everyone I have known as I live in a small town and just kept running into more and more people (none interested in me but still its weird and sometimes I am forced to converse to keep face. I tried rekindling friendships but people aren't really interested and to be honest considering how distant and slightly weird I can be, its understandable. Living a life just to live sounds so empty; wasting away my best years and knowing that I can never have a happy relationship as I will end up ruining it or have to settle for less (as was my first and only Girl Friend). I'm kinda screwed as the only thing I enjoy doing is scientific research; to gain the knowledge I need, I require additional education; to gain this education it requires interaction and as you can see, their is no easy answer; to top it off just getting from point A to point B is exhausting enough without the social anxiety. We aspies will study ourselves to death. I'm screwed as my hands are tied and my only other option is to apply for SSI; find a part time job and wait to die (some people take the short cut but I don't have the balls to end my own life).

Can't say I had the same experience. I'm at my best alone, sometimes I wish to share my existential thoughts with people but that's about it. I go for a 20 minute run every morning because I know the rest of the time i'm mostly inactive. I have things to live for, personal projects to work on, special interests that really keep me occupied

<happy autistic.

Okay I lied I don't really live alone, I have roommates, I talk to my "Family" at work, I visit my mother and have long talks, I talk to my roommates. Well only one because she is a philosophy major and is quite interesting. I do most of the listening she does a lot of talking...a lot...and it wears me out and I just want to go back to my room sometimes. I think I can hear her talking on the phone. wow someone take the batteries out of her.

While I'm OK with spending lots of time alone, I really don't want to go through life completely alone. But at this point, given the fact that I am in my late 20s and have yet to have a relationship and the fact that I have relatively few friends outside of family/work, I don't expect that to change anytime soon. I'm resigned to it. I keep myself occupied with other activities, and I feel like I have something to live for, but I do have moments where I feel awfully lonely, and feel like I've failed somehow...

I gave up on friends when I was 15. I had nothing in common with them, I couldn't relate to them and they all wanted to stand around and chit chat and talk about boring stuff. They were into boys and sports and I was into video games and being on the computer and watching TV. I did those things all the time. I did try again when I was 16 and I got rejections. When I was 17, these groups of girls invited me into their group and they just talked and I was bored with them so I left the group eventually and listened to music or played my Game Boy Advance. I also tried joining in other groups when they talk about something interesting and I would stay on topic but they didn't like me talking and they get mad at me. I still got rejected and wasn't allowed to socialize.

But yet I managed to get married and have a kid. My husband likes to be alone too so it works for the both of us.

I have been diagnosed with Aspergers for nearly 3 years I get bored with life and get tired but don't think about being an NT. If I was given a chance to be "cured" of Aspergers I don't know if I would accept a cure. My moods are up and down and have to accept that I have Aspergers and try to live my life the best I can despite the problems that Aspergers brings due to the fact I am not able to read body language including reading facial expressions, eye contact messages and tone of voice. I have tried to make friends and continue to go out to meet people by volunteering, going to Aspergers meetings and have done Toastmasters. Most of the time it has been hard and have not developed any friendships just acquaintances. I do like my own company too.

I am shy and quiet most of the time and have difficulty interacting with other people especially people I don't know. I like to retreat from the world and am able to hold down a full time job. I seem to be able to cope most of the time and have lived alone and with other people after living out of home for nearly 12 years. I am not able to cope with large groups of people I don't enjoy parties or bars/clubs/partying don't do that sort of socialising and need time alone. I prefer small groups of people and I live with my brother we get on fine flatting together. I prefer to live alone though but my brother helps me with the rent not looking for a relationship at the moment. I feel relationships are not for me though have dated and been in relationships but they have failed. So just happy being single and happy just doing my own thing

I've been successful at it. I'm 50 now. Living alone comes natural to me. Home is my safe haven. I don't know if a-sexuality and autism are linked, but I'm a-sexual, so I'm not longing for a partner. I have no real friends outside of immediate family. I work as a nightwatchman so I can be alone. For me personally, I have no idea of how to make any other kind of life work. What I have in my life for the most part is tranquility. No fights with significant other. No one bothering me. I love the outdoors and explore a lot. I'm always busy with some sort of project/hobby. I'll bet there are married NT's with kids and a social life and all that, who might envy me.

I don't think I can fix what I am. I can continue to try to improve myself overall in areas that I think need improvement, but most everyone does that. Social interaction can often be taxing. Even when it goes well. Usually when I am interacting and even when it's going well, I want to escape and get back home. Interaction skills take time to develop. I didn't get the eye contact thing down until I was in my 40's and I'm still not that great with it.

What people care about the most is that you're nice. You don't have to be outgoing to be nice. As you get older and the people who are around you become an older crowd, it gets easier too.

I've given up on taking part in society most of the time. I live with a friend and we spend most of our time online at home
We are on benefits though so can't afford to do much else anyway.

We go out to do shopping and to the occasional support group and I have to over see the care of my Father who is in a care home. I try and go out the house at least once a week but that's my limit.

I've given up on work as got bullied and sacked for having Aspergers from last job I had so that's going to an Employment Tribunal and I'm not entering the workplace again!

Saying that I am 47 and have worked most of my adult life beforehand so I've done my stint at working and have my own house to show for it, so in my opinion you need to have achieved some kind of security to enable you to 'give up' as giving up without that will see you living in a hostel or very bad social housing in a bad neighbourhood

I haven't managed to give up on sex long term yet but I'm going to work on it as it's not as if it doesn't bring major hassle.

I think the 'give up' strategy is better done with company than alone as you need some kind of social interaction each day to keep mentally healthy in my opinion.

I'd call it more of a 'refusal to take part any more' strategy than 'giving up' too

Sometimes, I get lonely and want to socialize more often. But I'm happiest when I'm alone.

I'm 35 years old and have lived alone for most of my adult life, except for a few years when married. I guess I became "tired" of trying to integrate socially after my marriage was over and I felt like I had regained some control of my life. Living alone, for me at least, is an informed and conscious choice that is based on my past experiences with other human beings, especially in my working life.

I think that it all boils down to the idea that most people I meet will eventually learn how to get what they want by exploiting my inherent naïvety in social and work situations. This happens time after time, and that type of behavior just does not align with my core values. So, if I try to get a leg up on these situations by becoming better at "their" game, ultimately I'm just accepting and endorsing that behavior which I consider to be immoral. And, for the record, I do consider naïvety as a virtue, although the present social contract does not tolerate it. We learn, at a very young age, that we need to be extremely careful in placing our trust in other people, which immediately places the Asperger mindset at a disadvantage.

When I was younger (a lot younger), I was much more keen on socializing and just assumed that everybody had the same intentions as I did. I interpreted what was said to me very literally, and I assumed that the people around me shared in the same world view. Today, if I could snap my fingers and be in a world where it WAS possible to assume that other people were inherently trustworthy and devoid of hidden intentions, then I would probably enjoy building up some social relationships again. Does that society exist? It makes me wonder sometimes what a Free State Project for Aspies would look like. Anybody interested, or heard of this happening before?

It is normal over the course of life to replace old interests with new ones. You say some things aren't as interesting as they once were, perhaps trying to find some new interests? There are plenty of things one can enjoy without friends or company. Hope this helps.