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Are Aspies Generally Disliked?
Yes 28%  28%  [ 31 ]
No 7%  7%  [ 8 ]
Some 17%  17%  [ 19 ]
Don't Know 25%  25%  [ 28 ]
I am 17%  17%  [ 19 ]
I'm not 5%  5%  [ 5 ]
Total votes : 110

mrL
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16 Feb 2013, 12:10 am

Assembly wrote:
I think we fail to see when people like us because we don't read non-verbal cues well and thus we don't "connect".
When we fail to return friendly intentions people might assume that we dont like them. People want to be liked, they don't necessarily
hate not being liked, but they won't pursue with interest. I think moreso than not being liked, we are misunderstood.


I think you nailed it.



okie
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16 Feb 2013, 12:21 am

I think I've incorrectly determined that someone dislikes me more often than people have genuinely disliked me.



mrL
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16 Feb 2013, 12:29 am

okie wrote:
I think I've incorrectly determined that someone dislikes me more often than people have genuinely disliked me.


Similarly, something would happen at work, I would have a disagreement with a co-worker; I would not speak to them for months because I figure that we are no longer speaking; I would hold on to anger and aggravation towards them and then they would come over and make conversation; I bring up the incident and they state that they don't even remember. I yelled at a co-worker because I believed she was demeaning me. I later apologized and she stated that she couldn't remember the incidents. I still believe she was using demeaning language however I handled things incorrectly and screwed up one of the few blossoming friendships I had going. NT's usually have multiple things on their minds; Aspies often focus on one specific thing or at-least I do and then obsess.



GnothiSeauton
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16 Feb 2013, 1:11 am

Some envious/jealous types of people definitely despise me and my achievements and seek to diminish me. Luckily I still possess two middle fingers and two middle toes in addition to my prick (were I female I would have whatever ladies choose to call it). Social status is definitely my pet peeve and I never felt an urge to measure it against others'. Life is a beautiful mess and playing outside , or on it's fringes is enough for my sense of "self worth".
How people choose to perceive me is their own problem.



League_Girl
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16 Feb 2013, 2:10 am

Lot of kids didn't like me when I was little. In my teens, I am not so sure but I didn't care anymore. Not everyone still liked me. Now as an adult, I am not so sure. Only way to make it obvious you don't like me is to treat me different or be snotty to me or have negative opinions about me. You would have to treat me like dirt for me to know. I don't think people have a reason to dislike me and if they do, it's probably over a dumb reason.


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Danthemayne
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16 Feb 2013, 5:48 am

Wow, thanks for all your responses :D definitely wasn't expecting all this. Interesting seeing how the poll has gone so far. I guess the answer is predominantly that people don't generally like us...

NT's like having someone to pick on, and that someone is usually someone different, so aspies fall into that category nicely. We dress differently, act differently, and talk differently. Interesting that someone mentioned about their voice, I think that definitely makes a difference to the way people treat us. After all, one's voice is basically their soul talking, all their life experiences etc. So if you dress well, act normal, have a nice physique etc. but your voice is whiny and weak, you'll still probably get picked on. Looks like I'm going to have to do some voice training in the next couple weeks!!

I haven't told any supervisors about all this, as that would probably make the problem worse. I guess the fact is that they pick on me not just because I'm different (alot of people here are quite quirky and weird etc.) but because I make myself seen and heard, online (through my music page etc.) and I go to the gym loads. Therefore everyone knows about me and that I don't conform, and they want me to do that.

If you have a different opinion to offer, please do so. Also any advice on how to deal with these kinds of things would be appreciated... Just laugh it off? Get revenge? Anyway, thanks for your replies, I've learnt alot from these!



AspieOtaku
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16 Feb 2013, 6:33 am

Im not unless they recognize me for my talents then they only think of me as a freak show!


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22 Mar 2013, 8:15 am

One thing I've struggled with is how I'm both well liked (at work I'm very well liked and I don't think I have a single enemy) and well hated (at school I didn't have a single friend and was the favorite target of bullies). I'm in the strange situation now of being extremely well liked yet having exactly one friend (my girlfriend). What's weirder is that when I go out shopping, I get along very well with teenage clerks, when at that age I was mercilessly bullied.

For some reason though "Alpha males" downright HATE my guts. I've been mulling this over and one person told me it's because I can get people to like me without beating my chest or showing off and that drives Alpha guys nuts. It's like I'm playing a game that I have no idea exists!



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22 Mar 2013, 8:42 am

By peers, yeah.


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Cafeaulait
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22 Mar 2013, 8:45 am

Absolutely, They are found 'weird', 'awkward', 'socially inept'. And so forth. Not very positive things.



Cafeaulait
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22 Mar 2013, 8:49 am

Tyri0n wrote:
My friend once said, "I don't think many people dislike you, but I'd be lying if I said some people didn't think you were a little off.


This is what exactly applies to me. I don't think many people dislike me, but they do notice that I am kind of vague. They don't know what to think of me.



Adamantium
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22 Mar 2013, 9:33 am

Danthemayne wrote:
Hi there,

I'm wondering whether it's aspies in general, or just me who seems generally disliked by people.

I have the feeling that a lot of people definitely don't like me. I'm in a music boarding school, and I've been getting a lot of sh** recently; for example, I got a dick drawn on my face in my sleep, a dirty condom in my bed, I get picked on in rehearsals. And there was recently a whole elaborate plot that a new DJ was coming to school who was apparently fantastic, and had a name that made fun of my surname. I got a lot of piss taken out of me for that. People have drawn dicks on the posters on my wall...


One of the most fun times (<-this is heavy sarcasm) of my life was at boarding school. One morning I discovered that all of my "friends" and all of their associates were actively shunning me. Amish-like shunning. No one would speak to me. When I entered a room, everyone left. Within a morning I realized that this group--perhaps 20 people, 10% of the student body, had all met to discuss how to punish me for my social crimes--crimes about which I was completely clueless.

It came down to this: I was not sufficiently friendly when people were being nice to me.
I made people feel bad when they mentioned something about one of my passionate interests that I knew to be wrong and I pointed this out, perhaps with excessive detail.
I was generally weird.

Having been found guilty and sentenced in absentia, I was suddenly returned to the very familiar state of being friendless and alone. I was highly experienced at living this way, so I just went on--though the knowledge that a very large group of people were intentionally hurting me was extremely painful. I mostly retreated into my interests. I did make an impassioned plea to the friend who had seemed most compassionate and sympathetic and she launched some sort of appellate procedure. And then one day it was over.

To this day (30 years later) I don't really understand what took place. But I would count it as evidence that people are highly intolerant of certain types of nonconformity, including typical Aspergian behaviors.



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22 Mar 2013, 5:44 pm

Hard to say really. The people I interact me generally like me because they know that I'm just me all the way through and don't put on different faces for different people; they appreciate my authenticity, however once in a while I'll get into a bit of a streak, particularly with my family, where I can't seem to say the right thing for the life of me, and I'm pretty sure they find me annoying when that happens. My sister even asked me not to accompany her to the grocery store yesterday because she wanted to meet some friends. She didn't say it, but I'm pretty sure the underlying explanation was that she didn't want me embarrassing her.


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22 Mar 2013, 6:02 pm

I voted yes because I do think it's common for us aspies to be disliked by lot of people. I had that a lot growing up. It was sometimes obvious because I would get picked on but kids are also honest and they will say in front of you they do not like you, especially if another kid teases them saying to you they like you and that kid says "No I don't" and they have never even picked on you nor talked to you or ever played with you and you barely even know them.


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Sheerboredom
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23 Mar 2013, 12:02 am

It really depends on the person, and type of community they live in. For instance only a few people dislike or hate me and I had to basically embarrass them in front of their peers for them to hate me.

It really boils down to how you treat others; if you treat them like objects they will treat you respectively, while if you talk to people with respect and not act like a self-centered d***** they will treat you likewise.