NT male and Aspie female

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Hello. This is my first message here, so here is a little info on me: I am a 30 year old male. I am not diagnosed with anything, though I have had difficulty all my life with socializing. I suppose I just have severe social phobias. For example, I am a virgin, and I have no friends. I am not a cold, arrogant, or uninterested/uninteresting when it comes to others. I just never allowed myself to talk to others. And only recently did I realize that women can be attracted to me. I could understand signs of interest, but never thought about engaging with others. I am saying this because a co-worker may be showing signs of attraction to me. And I learned that she is diagnosed with PDD NOS, and possibly bi-polar disorder.


She has definitely flirted with me in ways I can recognize. Brushing up against me, staring at me, repeatedly walking right past me raising her hands (as if she almost bumped into me) and saying “opps” in a matter of minutes while we were at a group function, starting personal conversations with me (where I live, my interests, but she only does this in front of others). She gets very loud, laughs a lot, constantly glances at me, has smiled at me, will stop walking down the hallway in front of my door where we can see each other and hold brief conversations with other people (who are out of my sight) and look at me while she talks. Whenever I am in an area with her, she seems to become very feminine in her behavior. Spraying her hair then smirking at me, jutting her breasts out, or bending over completely to show her figure and I guess her butt. She announced in front of others that she’d like to come to my apartment for dinner.


I might write this off as attention seeking or teasing unless there was also this side to it. Usually I keep things neutral with her. I’ll say hi, joke around a little, and engage in frequent small talk, and once in a while deep discussion. I also talk to other co-workers too, and I am careful not to deliberately flirt with her (or any co-workers), or respond to any of the above behaviors with anything more then neutral reception, or maybe a little smile now and then. When I talk to other co-workers (who are all women, many her age, early twenties: it’s an early childhood setting) while she is present, she will lean towards me, and stare with a very concerned, or even sad look on her face.


In my first month, she popped in to my room late in the day, and asked while I was still at work (it was past my time to leave). We talked briefly, and she told me that she is a loser who reads books for eight hours straight on the weekends, and that her partying days are over. She said she reads mystery and romance, and then said that she was going out for drinks later with a friend before she trailed off. I politely ended the conversation, and she forced a laugh and promptly left.

When she told me she was diagnosed with PDD NOS, she was visibly nervous. Her voice was trembling, she was smiling, but she covered her head at one point, and then she stimmed her hands vigorously in front of her face. Around this time, she also came into my room, looked at me nervously, then to my co-worker (who she has known for several years), and she began talking about marriage and engagement for no apparent reason, looking at me almost the entire time.

This was back in 2012. Since then, she has started talking about a guy, supposedly her current boyfriend. When I walk into a room, she look at me, and immediately start talking about her boyfriend to whomever she was speaking with. She has also criticized him too, saying he drinks too much, and he needs to grow a pair of balls. She came in to the break room the other day, and just as she saw me she began a phone conversation with this guy (though I didn’t hear his voice). She sat right near me, and while (again) staring at me, went through a detailed conversation about their seemingly troubled relationship. In general, over the past couple months, almost whenever I see her she tosses out a reference to her boyfriend.

Here is where I need advice. I am attracted to this girl. I think she is intelligent, interesting, mysterious, and beautiful. I would be interested in a relationship with her once school winds down in a few months. I know that a serious relationship with someone who has PDD NOS would require commitment, patience, and cooperation. I can do that. I am just concerned about this whole boyfriend thing, and whether I could actually trust her.
What do you think? Either she has a boyfriend who she is trying to cut loose, she is really just messing with me, (which I don’t think, see reasons above), or could she be exaggerating/fabricating the boyfriend? I’ve read that talking about partners is one way girls flirt. It supposedly makes them hard to get. This girl has used almost every trick I’ve read about since I realized she was flirting with me. Have any of you ever heard of someone on the spectrum taking flirting to this level?

I know I wrote a lot, but this has been biting me for the past few months. Thanks for reading, and I hope you’ll give some thoughts of your own.

is this real? I've been saying that nt men will tolerate aspie or autism/pddnos women as long as they find them attractive.
and now this letter shows up, almost too perfectly to prove my point on this ''looks do matter'' and how men ''don't care,
don't notice, or tolerate'' womens problems. come on is this fake?

but if this is real. To the op, do what you want. But thanks for pretty much for proven my point. People I am always right about these.
You need to start listen to me, more often.

and the pddnos girls also has a bf, and the op is still trying to get with her. and really, really wants to try to make the relationship.
My godness isn't this what I've been saying. men tolerate aspie women so much, that even if they have a bf, they still trying geting
a date with them. ha,ha, ha...... right again. ha

'' I am attracted to this girl. I think she is intelligent, interesting, mysterious, and beautiful. I would be interested in a relationship with her once school winds down in a few months. I know that a serious relationship with someone who has PDD NOS would require commitment, patience, and cooperation. I can do that. ''

damn it, this is awesome. Have I not been say this, have I not been say this, look above folks, look what the op wrote above.
yes,yes,yes..... take that, to all people who called me a liar and trust me, he's not the only guy who thinks this way.
god bless the op. and I hope you do find happiness with that girl.

Bill, I do believe you've forgotten to account for something in your brilliant thesis: threads written by NT women who are interested in AS men. And in fact, I've seen more of those than of NT men interested in AS women. :/

What you describe is massive flirting; manic flirting.

There are some real red flags here. If she has a boyfriend; she is being disloyal by badmouthing him. Ethical women break up with bad boyfriends; they do not badmouth them. If the boyfriend is fictional, then this girl is a liar. She has character issues either way.

Don't minimize the fictional boyfriend (if that's what it is) as an innocent flirting technique. Women know that for men, competing with other men for her attention is sexually compelling, but this "guy" is supposed to be her boyfriend not just some other guy in the office flirting with her. She is revealing that she thinks so little of loyalty that flirting while having a boyfriend would be attractive to men.