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Sherman247
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22 Feb 2013, 2:21 pm

Theres this girl. Normal story huh? But I met her online through a dating site. We have been talking nearly every day since. I like her alot but still havent met her and she likes me enough that says she wants to have sex the first date. I mean, I like her for many reasons but she keeps putting herself down so much that she gets discouraged and doesnt want to go out or whatever. I mean I am cool with it I support her but at the same time she texts or calls the next day and we go through the same thing. A part of me says let it go the other says I want to be with her and im not pushing but she may be....



Geekonychus
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22 Feb 2013, 2:35 pm

She sounds pretty flaky and anxious. You should go out of your way to compliment her and make her feel secure if you don't already.



Sherman247
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22 Feb 2013, 2:41 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
She sounds pretty flaky and anxious. You should go out of your way to compliment her and make her feel secure if you don't already.


Ive always been doing that just shes had a rough life so have I to a degree and just I wish there were more I could do but I have had problems in the past with me pushing to hard. And I am trying my best to make this work.



TheValk
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22 Feb 2013, 2:50 pm

Paying attention to possible deceit and manipulation wouldn't be the worst advice here I think. As for relations, try thinking of some sort of comfortable environment or activity for your first date - can't give it up if you don't even try.



Sherman247
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22 Feb 2013, 2:53 pm

TheValk wrote:
Paying attention to possible deceit and manipulation wouldn't be the worst advice here I think. As for relations, try thinking of some sort of comfortable environment or activity for your first date - can't give it up if you don't even try.


I am not giving up at all I just think shes giving up on herself.



Browncoat
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22 Feb 2013, 8:20 pm

Start by spending some time together in person. Not a date, just some time hanging out. That way she can see your face when you comfort her. (most people find that sort of thing important)



Sherman247
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22 Feb 2013, 8:31 pm

Browncoat wrote:
Start by spending some time together in person. Not a date, just some time hanging out. That way she can see your face when you comfort her. (most people find that sort of thing important)


Thats the thing though she recommended just strictly cuddling for the first date and I mean the girl is always right. Ive dated before and now I am hearing nothing from her . However, last time we were talking she said she wanted to get down ie have sex. I mean I want to too but its like she keeps getting discouraged by how far we are from each other



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22 Feb 2013, 9:10 pm

Tell her you're interested in meeting her first, as a casual get-together, in a public setting, with no strings attached. If she continues to say she wants to have sex with you (or cuddle) for the first date, then she's not respecting your boundaries or you as a person. Despite what's happened in her life, it's not ok to be rude to new friends. If she has trust issues, fine, but trust is a seperate issue here. You are not part of her past. You are a part of her present and potential future. There's no reason why she can't listen to your boundaries.

And what do you mean: the girl is always right? Why? Says who?



Sherman247
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22 Feb 2013, 9:15 pm

ASDsmom wrote:
Tell her you're interested in meeting her first, as a casual get-together, in a public setting, with no strings attached. If she continues to say she wants to have sex with you (or cuddle) for the first date, then she's not respecting your boundaries or you as a person. Despite what's happened in her life, it's not ok to be rude to new friends. If she has trust issues, fine, but trust is a seperate issue here. You are not part of her past. You are a part of her present and potential future. There's no reason why she can't listen to your boundaries.

And what do you mean: the girl is always right? Why? Says who?


I mean I am not whipped but I am a old fashioned kind of gentle man or new ya age idk . But I like to have women in a different part of the relationship I mean i want to cater to what she needs from me. But I hear you. Many relationships are about equality but I am not quite sure where to go from there. I havent heard from her since ten or eleven so maybe she will end up not hearing from her



ASDsmom
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22 Feb 2013, 9:20 pm

Ten or eleven what? Time? Today?

If you're old fashioned and want to cater to her needs, that's admirable. Catering to her toxic lifestyle, is not smart. Don't spiral downwards with her. You want to be there for her? Then firm up your boundaries and tell her you care about her too much to treat her disprespectfully. Tell her you don't want to take advantage, being that she comes off quite vulnerable.

If she doesn't get back to you, she's playing you.. and has moved on.



Sherman247
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22 Feb 2013, 9:27 pm

ASDsmom wrote:
Ten or eleven what? Time? Today?

If you're old fashioned and want to cater to her needs, that's admirable. Catering to her toxic lifestyle, is not smart. Don't spiral downwards with her. You want to be there for her? Then firm up your boundaries and tell her you care about her too much to treat her disprespectfully. Tell her you don't want to take advantage, being that she comes off quite vulnerable.

If she doesn't get back to you, she's playing you.. and has moved on.


Yes today. And first off I am Not abusing anything or giving any form of disrespect. She and I both mutually want the sex. Shes a great girl just some crappy stuff has happened to her. Sorta how I am. But I aint abusing anything. When you care for someone enough you have sex. I am just going along with it.

Probably not gonna hear from her



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22 Feb 2013, 10:45 pm

Sherman247 wrote:
ASDsmom wrote:
And first off I am Not abusing anything or giving any form of disrespect. But I aint abusing anything.


Hm. I think you mis-read me. I wasn't suggesting you were abusing or disrespecting her. What I was saying, if you define your boundaries with her AND she still asks for sex on a first date, she's not respecting YOU. It seems to me like you are a genuine person who wears a heart on your sleeve. Just be careful. Ultimately, we all want sex at some point, with the person we like and/or admire. It just sounds like you care more about her than have any interest in some meaningless fling. I'm questioning HER motive with you if all she's doing is dumping her problems on you and then asking for sex. That's all.



Sherman247
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23 Feb 2013, 11:09 am

ASDsmom wrote:
Sherman247 wrote:
ASDsmom wrote:
And first off I am Not abusing anything or giving any form of disrespect. But I aint abusing anything.


Hm. I think you mis-read me. I wasn't suggesting you were abusing or disrespecting her. What I was saying, if you define your boundaries with her AND she still asks for sex on a first date, she's not respecting YOU. It seems to me like you are a genuine person who wears a heart on your sleeve. Just be careful. Ultimately, we all want sex at some point, with the person we like and/or admire. It just sounds like you care more about her than have any interest in some meaningless fling. I'm questioning HER motive with you if all she's doing is dumping her problems on you and then asking for sex. That's all.


Yeah I hear ya man