Skills downplayed, "interpersonal" side overblown

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Our office's HR department was on the verge of instituting disciplinary proceedings just before I disclosed that I had AS. They stopped the proceedings but quite frankly I'm getting fed up of bad feedback. So I pinned down the HR boss and demanded to know, competency by competency, exactly what the problem was.

Every skill and attribute that could possibly be objectively measured, she admitted was very good: punctuality/attendance, technical skills, systems knowledge, subject knowledge, keyboarding speed, written skills, and so on.

However, she had difficulty defining exactly what the whole "interpersonal" side of things was that is allegedly causing such a problem. Every time I have pushed her to tell me what precisely it is that I am doing or not doing, I get a different answer and to me there is no pattern. I can't even grasp how it is "performance" - although I could see how it could be perceived by colleagues and bosses as a personal eccentricity.

The reason this is such a problem is that HR/certain bosses have inflated this whole issue into being nearly 100% of what I am supposed to be doing there. It feels as if my actual technical skills are being downplayed into almost irrelevancy, while "Ingredient X" is (according to the HR manager) "what they pay me for".

So now I'm about to be sent to the firm's occupational health service, where there is no guarantee there will be anyone who has the first clue about ASD's. I'll probably end up talking to some "counsellor" who thinks they can coach or headshrink me into being more "normal". They would be far from the first who have tried.

If an employer wants to fire a worker, but the employer does not have a clear cut reason for doing so, what the employer does is create a paper trail by issuing negative performance evaluations. The employer then makes a feeble attempt to assist the employee with improving his/her performance. This goes on for several months to a couple of years, until they have amassed sufficient justification (i.e. a big enough paper trail) for firing the person. (Edit. If you have a formal diagnosis, then they may try to get rid of you via "medical retirement".)

MissMoneypenny, I am sorry this is happening to you, but I recommend you start looking for a new job. (Don’t quit your current job until you have found a new one. For some strange reason it is often easier to get a job when you are already employed.)

What did she say was wrong with your interpersonal skills? Different answers each time? Maybe there is a pattern. Why don't you let us know what she said?

I worked white-collar type jobs for 5 years before law school, so maybe I can have some insight. I'm sure someone else with more experience can help better. But without specifics, we really can't help.

Logan5 is bang-on correct.

And I doubt she can be very specific, Tyrion - the insidious nature of AS and how it affects people is millions of tiny things... thus HR responds with an equally-insidious "we can't quite put our finger on it either - but we don't like you and we want you out."

^^^ Good point. If nothing else, it'd be interesting to add those stories to my collection of "HR atrocities".

I'm with Logan5 too. They are creating a paper trail and creating situations where they can be perceived to be trying to accommodate you. Time to start looking for something else.

It's so frustrating! Why is so much importance put on interpersonal behaviour?! I have been in situations where I am the most competent employee, but have been marginalized for no apparent reason.

Maybe you can find a better environment.

One possibility is that you are doing too much work, and therefore placing unreasonable expectations on your co-workers. This is what is meant by being a "team player," you don't out-shine your co-workers.

In my opinion MissMoneypenny you may need to find another job. You should start now. And do not let them know you are looking.

HR which I am guessing is the tool of someone else who wants to can you.
HR does not want to get sued so they will find out what AS is so they can get your head on the politically correct chopping block. There are risks and benefits of not following the heard.

Politics can at times be very strange, you could be doing everyone else job.
Yet that click among everyone else could be running a weed dispensary on company time and still they would give you bad reviews and try to get you canned. Of coarse they would give good reviews to the ones running the weed dispensary on company time and recommend them for promotion and maybe even a raise. Probably a bad example but you get the idea.

One good thing is people do move on change jobs, get promoted, new managers which could completely change everything. Still I would look for another job.

OK, I'm back. To answer the question about my current employment situation, I work in a law office with minimal direct client interaction.

It's very difficult to give specific examples, because the people concerned are themselves very poor at giving specific examples.

The few examples I have been given, I'm sure you'll agree, are lame beyond belief. Things like how I didn't cc in one boss when I emailed as an attachment a letter to an outside party that he had signed and asked me to send, or how I'm supposed to have misinterpreted instructions on a couple of occasions. One time we were supposed to have an office clearout, but the clearing-out party we were going to have one evening never took place in the end, and one person made a fuss because she had a small pile of documents she'd wanted shredded. She could have asked me, or even walked a few paces outside her door to where there's a confidential shredding bin.

Other complaints are as a result of events that have only unfolded that way because of their own actions. For example, this same woman who wanted the shredding done sent me an email saying she needed a document formatted urgently. It was already late in the afternoon and I was already completely under the cosh trying to finish compiling a report that the head of our department needed in front of him to run through with the client by international conference call. I explained what I was in the middle of and said I had no capacity, and needed to finish what I was doing without getting side-tracked as the head honcho and this important client had already started their phone call, but in about 10 minutes' time I would liaise with the night secretary and explain to her what needed to be done. When I had finished the report and passed it to the department head, I immediately called the night secretary as promised, only for her to tell me she was already working on it! Not only did this woman choose to bypass me in this way, but she made a complaint that I hadn't "been responsive" and ensured she was serviced straight away.

Is this what they call passive-aggressive?

Everything else is "explained" to me in very general terms, such as that they want to see more "initiative" and "proactivitity", whatever they mean by that. However, I'm already so stretched working for 8 people that it's a constant battle to keep the urgent and important work turned around on time (a situation of which they are aware). Experience has shown that if I show my face at someone's door too often, they'll assume I'm not busy and will load me up with fiddly, nitpicky tasks that I don't always feel confident doing and really don't have time to accommodate anyway. Even when there is a lull period, I really NEED that time to play catch-up and recoup my personal energy resources.

I think others cope with the workload and ridiculously overstretched professional/support ratios by staying late into the evening but that isn't an option as I look after my sick partner evenings and weekends. And yes, someone made a fuss about that too when I got a phone call saying my bf was ill and I had to leave on time.

You have AS. This is the fundamental problem between AS and NT.

AS cares about WHAT you say. NT cares about HOW you say it. (yes, you can be completely wrong and it's ok if you say it the right way. This is total madness to AS people)

I experience this all the time. What you are encountering is that your co-workers "feel" a certain way towards you, rationalize their feeling, and complain about it. What's most important to your boss and HR is that all the workers are getting along and from their perspective you are the source of a bunch of problems. What's really going on is that everyone around you fails to recognize their own cognitive biases, true feelings in the situation, and where they themselves are accountable.

The solution to the problem is a long a difficult path of educating everyone on how to be aware of what's really happening and not push their own insecurities onto people who are different. Maybe this job is not worth the fight, but there is not much guarantee the next job will be better. Maybe you can start with HR. Get an agreement that the most important aspect of the job is the technical skill and you meet that. Next would be to find resources to educate the HR department about AS.

If HR is unwilling to work with you on this, it will never get better.