She shouldn't have even messaged me

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Online dating can be so cruel sometimes.

A girl messaged me today and the conversation went from hopeful to hurtful in a matter of minutes.

The girl told me she thought I was cute, which is something I don't really hear often and was quite hopeful that I would at least meet the girl. However, she nearly immediately added a "but."

I put on my profile that I really like movies and she thought it seemed a bit too much like an obsession. I tried explaining that, even though I am passionate about movies, they weren't the centre of my life. However, after a couple message she just said "OK...Enjoy your Movies" and stopped replying to my messages.

I just can't believe that something like this would turn out to be a dealbreaker. Why would she even bother messaging me, if she was going to end communication over a trivial matter? On top of that, she didn't even know I have Asperger's.

Well, I'll just add this to my long list of failed online dating experiences.

I'm guessing that something happened to turn her off in those few messages. As you haven't given details of the conversation I couldn't say for sure, but you might have worded your explanation in away that sounded like you were being overly defensive or something like that.

Perhaps she was just teasing you about the movies being too much of an obsession, and hence was put off when you seriously defended your interest? It certainly seems odd that someone would message you just to shoot you down. But I guess such behavior is not unheard of, unfortunately.

she got put off that you got so defensive - she was probably just teasing you, flirting.
I do the same thing all the time.

My synopsis: I think one of the following probably occurred

1.) You said something that she didn't like in one of your messages
2.) She thought that you looked like a great guy aside from the stuff about movies, and just messaged you to get clarification about that one part - but didn't like the clarification

The fact that she said to "enjoy your movies" says to me that, regardless of how you addressed the issue, she still felt like you were pretty obsessed with them.

Well, he didn't say he went so defensive about his interest, he said he explained that they weren't his center of life.

Again, it must be the male's fault mentality I am seeing here.

SPKx, I suggest you to post a screenshot (hide the names/usernames/pics and any personal info) of the WHOLE conversation in order to not be accused that you are being at fault, let us really see what happened and prevent others of making up scenarios in their heads.

I agree with Boo. Without the full conversation, it is difficult to opine adequately.

But it's not unusual. You wouldn't believe the number of people that message me, I seem to think we have a good rapport, and all of a sudden....poof, they are gone.

Lol, I don't take it personally though. I guess the competition is fierce.

Their loss.

I'd hardly say I was making any accusations, rather I was giving a suggestion while noting that I can't know for sure as he hadn't provided enough information.

Ok.

Sure, someone getting defensive might be a turn off. but other people ought to know that when you are putting someone on the defensive, they must full well know that they made the person feel like they were being criticized. Right?

She assumed the best of you and gave you a chance.

And then at some point she realized she wasn't interested.

And I'd be willing to bet that you said something that turned her off.

These things happen though. It's natural.

She's going to move on and forget this, and so should you.

It happens. Would she really be that great of a date anyway if she gets "turned away" so easy? Imagine if you actually dated her and had to play down your hobbies to keep her impressed.

I've noticed on these sites that women don't respond if they say something light-hearted or joking, and my response is more serious. I'm really pretty funny and unserious IRL, but my aspie ness is much stronger over the internet. I really can't banter. I've been doing better since I started using more emoticons. Maybe it's similar for you, OP?

I bet she was joking, and you took her seriously, which made her feel awkward.

You should have agreed that you were "obsessed" and then found something on her profile that you could construe as something "worse" to be obsessed about. Women seem to like it when you accuse them of being obsessive or irrational. No idea why, ingrained sexism, perhaps?

Last edited by Tyri0n on 06 Mar 2013, 11:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

I can't help but wonder what those "couple messages" contained...

Maybe it was a long-winded defense of his love of movies?
Maybe it was all he talked about?
Maybe she doesn't like movies?
Maybe she's the "active" type and doesn't like to sit around?
Maybe.... ?

Who knows?

You probably didn't do anything wrong. Just forget about it. A lot of people can't be helped.

As long as you write her username out you can post whatever you want to post on this matter.


As for what exactly happened? who knows.
Last friday I was messaging a female friend(she asked me to)and eventually she stopped replying so I figured I had done something wrong.
Just now Ive woken up to a happy birthday message from her, I replied with a two sentence message and she replied back with happy to hear that within the hour.

What happened last week?
I have no clue and I dont really want to figure it out but Im meeting her twice a week with other friends so Im not going to message her until she explicitly asks me to again(dont want to make things awkward or anything)