Self-perception and external perception - flirting

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Hey there, I'm new to this forum. This is my first post.

I'm female, bisexual and in love with a fellow student (female and chances are big she's at least bi). My crush told me she doesn't know whether I joke around or if I'm serious about something. And first I didn't know what she meant and she was like: "Well, I think you sometimes are too sarcastic and you mean it in a fun way but also with a grain of truth. For example when you say something bad about me. Then I feel it's just joking around but with some grain of truth." And in my head I was all like: "Woah, what even...?! Actually... I like you very much and it's just my way of flirting with you... I never ever intended to give you the feeling I don't like you." I never thought I could look like some mean sarcastic human being. So I apologised, said: "Nooooo, NOT AT ALL! Whoah, I'm sorry, really?", she laughed and said: "Well, maybe it's just me, I don't know. But you know, I can take it. I'd say something if it turned out to be too offending.", I: "Really, you have to believe me. I don't have anything against you!", she: "Yeah yeah..." I think (because I seem to mess it up if it comes to ambiguity) with the connotation of "I pretend I don't believe you but you know I do", you know what I mean?

Does that mean I'm bad in flirting? I mean in... really bad and evil and people think I don't like them? I always thought this would be the so called "teasing" as in "Teasing is a sign of affection." And I was 100% sure she'd take it as some kind of flirting, even if it would be only for fun because sometimes straight women do that. But now I'm not so sure anymore. Now I think she doesn't know at all.

What does all of that even mean? -.- I sometimes think It'd be better to just say the truth but somehow I'm too afraid of her reaction. I wouldn't even mind if she said no, it's really just the reaction and the way she thinks about me after that I'm afraid of.

Do you know similar situations? What would you do?

Well it depends what you said to her I guess

When doing the flirtatious teasing there should be no "grain of truth" whatsoever. Even if you know that what you are saying is not true, you should also not tease about something that the person might be insecure about. Or, if you do, do it in such an over the top way that it demonstrates that you find that insecurity ridiculous. Though that can backfire very badly if you get it wrong, and should wait until you've built a rapport with the person. And, either way, the teasing should also be balanced out with some genuine compliments. Tricky and hard to explain.

As for you being afraid her reaction to you being straightforward, and how she'll think of you after, I guess you just need to ask yourself which is worse; the possibility that she'll think poorly of you or the certainty that you and she will never be together.

Though, since it sounds like you got off on the wrong foot with her, I'd give it more time if I were you. Try different types of flirting, in a few weeks or months try gauging her interest level (not easy, I know). Also, you said chances were big that she's at least bi. It might be a good idea to wait until you know for sure.

This is a sarcastic response from child_of_the_moon to an earlier thread, it's either some random person messing about or the other girl that girl was talking about in the earlier thread has traced/come across the previous thread somehow? trying to be a sarcastic like the poster in the earlier thread was talking about?

Thread before "Advice?"

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt225677.html

Pardon me but... what even?! I don't even know that girl. O.o I've never read that thread whatsoever. I'd never ever had the guts to ask her for hugs or things like that.

I'd just find a way to spit it out. I always feel better just getting things off my chest, and letting come what may. Whether her reaction is positive or negative, it opens a discussion either way and if she's a true friend you guys should be able to weather it. Granted, I'm no social expert...

Apologies, I'm sorry child_of_the_moon, I have a tendency to make connections, I retain a glimpse after reading, similar things tend to blend & match up , with the threads appearing one after the other on the main page as well & the very similar content in posts, I thought someone might be having a joke on everyone.

If you are into her and want her to know, just try dropping very subtle hints. Whats this girl like, is she friendly and easy going?