iffy "friendships" and acquaintances

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I feel heavy burdens and that I have to use up too much energy. I don't know why exactly. I just know it's not right and fear that people will not be there for me when I need them most. I know that I would want to do the same kindness for others, but it goes both ways. That kind of trust has to be earned. I feel strained. Something is just not in the right.

maybe you are an highly sensitive person and reading the book about highly sensitives can help you

Building relationships is time consuming and energy draining work, but it is worth it. Most acquaintances won't turn into friendships. However, no friendship will occur without first becoming acquainted. People seem to forget that getting acquainted isn't just about getting to know the other person better. It's also about getting to know yourself better. People who are alone tend to also be very disconnected with knowing themselves. No one is immune from deceiving themselves. It's human nature.

For example, I had a 'book' knowledge of what a needy person is. Decades ago, I was told that's why people avoided me. I prayed for a 'needy' person to come into my life so I could see what one is like. I got more than one (at different times to sample different forms). I didn't like it in others and didn't want to be that way anymore myself. It took exhausting effort for me to change, but it happened. I mistakenly thought I'd be accepted socially after this change. That was before I knew about Aspergers. Understanding how my different way of thinking affects socializing changed the way I look at socializing.

Socializing will always be work, but now I know how to pace myself and go in a direction that works best for me and others. I have two friends outside of my immediate family. One I will never see in person, but can enjoy skyping with. I don't want to see the other friend too often because he's too much work. In spite of the 'drain', he's still worth keeping in touch with.

The most important thing for me was to not allow others to judge me about my challenge with maintaining energy. Contentment supplies energy. Discontentment depletes it.