Marriage and Name Changes

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I read this really interesting article
http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/02/more-wo ... rt-of.html
... I find it really interesting, the concept of men changing their names as well. Most guys I know are fine with the idea of their partner not changing his or her name, but none have ever given me any indication that they would change their name, as if the idea had never even crossed their minds. Some men I know are adamant that they wouldn't marry unless their partner were willing to change his/her own name.

So I have a question for men, and a question for women.

Men - would you ever consider changing your name, like a hyphenated version with both of your last names? (Do you expect that your partner should change his/her name if you get married?)

Women - would you ever change your name, and would you expect your partner to change his/her name?

Obviously this doesn't apply if you never intend to get married. I don't see marriage in my future, so I don't have any preference in this regard at presence.

Yes, I always said that if I were to marry a woman with a cooler last name than mine I would change my last name to hers.

However, that is highly unlikely as my last name is pretty cool

Other issue is, I have yet to meet a woman(in person) who would let me change my last name to hers. Most women who I ask if they would let their husband take their last name, seem to think its silly that a man would the one to change his name.

Last edited by Zinnel on 16 Mar 2013, 1:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

married and kept my name. wouldn't have married if it bothered him. my best friend has to be a feminist. he kept his name, too. would hyphenate if he would, too, but what we did is simpler. no paperwork required.

Is anyone else reminded of the South Park episode "Smug Alert" where Kyle's parents buy a Prius and move to San Francisco?

Peter: Oh hello there, you must be the new neighbors.

Gerald: Yes, that's right, we're the Broflovskis.

Peter: Welcome to San Francisco. I'm Peter Thompson. This is my wife Nancy Jarvis and our son Brian Thompson-Jarvis. So how do you like the neighborhood?

Sheila: Oh it's gorgeous! These old houses are so neat!

Peter: Yes, well, unlike most cities, in San Francisco we try to [closes his eyes] keep all of the historic houses instead of knocking them down...

Paul: You in here Peter?

Peter: Oh, hey Paul, come on in and meet the Broflovskis!

Paul: Hello there. I'm Paul McDonahue. This is my wife, Holly Beaumont-McCallahan, and our daughter, Mindy McDonahue-Beaumont-McCallahan

Gerald and Sheila: Hello.

Paul: We noticed your hybrid out front - that's a V series, right?

Gerald: Yeah. That's right.

Peter: Whoa, nice car, but we're gonna have to get you into the BT series [closes his eyes] Its emissions are actually cleaner.

Gerald: Wow, so, everyone here drives a hybrid, huh?

Peter: Oh, of course. We're a little more progressive and ahead of the curve here in San Franciso. [farts, then bends over to take it all in, then stands up again] Ahhhm. [licks his lips to savor every last bit of fart] Anyway, I'm sure you'll find it much better here.

I'm not a feminist and I don't see how giving up my name would equate to giving up my identity. It's just a word that shows up on my bank statement. It would be kinda fun to take my boyfriend's name because then my name would be Jackie Jack, and no one can pronounce my French surname anyway. I don't even particularly like France to begin with.
We're not planning to get legally married, but I can see myself taking his name just for kicks. If we adopt in the future I'll have no problem with them taking his name either. When I was a brainwashed feminist child I fantasized about a guy taking my name, but I'm a new woman now!

I don't mind either way. I'd take his surname just for the novelty of having a new surname. I'd keep my surname if I was his second wife though, because I don't want to be the second Mrs Something or other (I wouldn't want the same surname as his first wife if she's never changed back to her maiden name or remarred).

Some women keep their names because they've built an identity around it (business and workwise) and it's too much hassle and paperwork to change their name on everything. No nefarious feminist reasons, it's just more legally convenient that way.

I'm female and I would prefer to keep my own name.

The author of "I'm Ok, You're a Brat" did something interesting name-wise with her husband- they chose a completely new surname which they both liked.

That's a neat concept - basing it on how cool the name is. I've got my facebook linked in my signature, so my last name isn't exactly a secret, but yeah... I am not particularly fond of it or attached to it, it's my biological father's last name, Basically no one I consider family except for him shares the name with me, and I've been considering(for a few years) changing my last name to my mother and stepfather's last name. I prefer it, I don't think anyone would approve except for my stepfather but I don't really care what he thinks. I just like the way it sounds.

I've known tons of women who wouldn't dream of having a man take their name, it's like a foreign idea to them, strange and even offensive in some cases. I used to work with a woman who would make really passive aggressive comments toward a woman in the office who chose to hyphenate her name - implying she was some kind of raging radical feminist just because of the name thing. It seems like a lot of women find the idea ridiculous, just as a lot of men find the idea ridiculous.

I think it's neat to see people are OK with other options because it is one sign of society making gradual changes and not sticking with every tradition.(I'm sure tradition isn't always a reason or consideration in preferences regarding name changes in marriage, for anyone reading this and feeling judged.) I guess that isn't a very aspie-like trait, I enjoy change.

I don't think you have to be a feminist in order to keep your name in marriage or whatnot. I also don't think it equates to giving up your identity, it's a choice you are making, part of choosing your identity. If it doesn't feel like you're giving something up, you probably aren't.

This seems to be a common reason for keeping surnames.

There are lots of ideas about marriage and traditions that are followed that I don't quite have a grasp on. I might understand the history, but a lot of people adhering to these traditions in the present day is what I don't quite grasp. I think I would like to look into the reasoning behind people's choices in marriage, it's something I find very fascinating despite marriage having no appeal to me at this point in my life.

This sounds really neat. And it just gave me an idea of something I want to ask WP... off to figure out which sub-forum to make that thread in.

Male.

Change my surname? No constraint; I'm not particularly attached.

Insist on my partner changing his or hers? As a preference I would prefer that didn't happen. It's of minimal importance to me one way or the other though.

Here's a fun extra that might be interesting: male children keeping the father's surname and female children keeping the mother's.


As for name changes that are not for marriage... At least in New York State, it's sort-of irritating but not a big deal provided one isn't under bankruptcy proceedings, not a convicted felon or otherwise dealing with the criminal justice system, and is properly registered with Selective Service if still under that requirement.

in the middle ages it was not completely unheard of for a male of lower status to take his wife's family name provided she was of higher status than he was. It was more along the lines that his father-in-law was defacto adopting him by giving him the daughter to marry.. but it was done..

I'd do it provided she had a cooler name than I did.. but I'd never expect her to take mine either. The only reason it would be difficult is what last name does a hypothetical child/children have?

We wouldn't have multiple choices.

Is civil marriage not legal in Lebanon yet... or are there just other restrictions on the condition of marriages that I'm unaware of? I'm guessing there are a lot of laws in Lebanon that I'm totally unaware of!

suddenly everyone is jealous of the rednecks in Alabama who don't have this problem

I don't think I would take her last name, I can't think of a last name I would like to have.
But I'm not going to force her to take mine. This melding "meeting halfway" thing seems like a decent idea, it's just a little awkward ... especially if you have two long last names. Knowles-Carter takes as long to say as just my last name