Problems with the people you attract?

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I been thinking on this alot lately

I have a real issue of attracting women who's ideals strongly conflict with my own. Now I'm pretty open about my views on everything with people, yet I continue to find I'm attracting women who sometimes outright walk on the exact opposite line on issues like racism, sexuality, poverty etc.

Does anyone else have this kind of issue and I'd also like any advice on this problem?

Yes.

But i'd rather be alone than to spend my life with a low intelligent, racist, smoking, narcotics using, alcoholic, mom or with a childish personality, no ambitions, no empathy, left/right/religious fanatic that is stubborn as a mule.

I wish i could offer you any advice. If i find any solution - i'll let you know. For now, i have just given up.

Well, that's peculiar. Surely you aren't counting on meeting a woman who agrees with you on everything? So what is it about them that bothers you so much? Is it that they don't just have different opinions but have to keep trying to change yours? Very annoying, you're right to not want to date them. I hate fixers. But if they just differ, and you have no common ground for conversation, why are they interested? Expand the information, maybe play out a scenario... I think more information is needed.

Well One example was when I was tutoring this one girl in physics she seemed like a pretty interesting person for the most part but when she was honest about being a neo nazi, her and I had an argument because I don't believe in that. However, I still remained friendly with her and just moved on. Thing is she ended up developing a crush on me and even tried to make a move or two but her hateful views towards non-white people hadn't changed and she knew I didn't agree with her.

There are others examples, but the only reason I'm taking notice of it is because It seems like the only women who are attracted to me have ideals that just really conflict with my own. If I have had met more women who were attracted to me that share my ideals or just their ideals were different but not really conflicting then I probably wouldn't have noticed it at all.

Next time, tell her your mom is half black, and that you have a gay brother.

Or better, tell her you are Jew. ;p

And that you have gypsy heritage, there is a considerable Jewish presence in your extended family and that you would be executed under Aktion T4.

That would work well with hardcore Muslims as well as probably some communist types (think Chávez supporters).

That one example isn't in my life anymore, and my problem isn't turning down women or scarying the ones off that are attracted to me. My problem is I only seem to attract women who conflict with my ideals.

Well I seem to attract a lot of underage girls and men/people that used to be men

Tell her your mom is a black jew, and your brother is gay, that you are very republican.

Ugly people or bad people. I prefer bad but maybe shouldn't.

A *real* human skull?

Isn't that a little worrying? Where did she get a human skull from?

Yes, it's worrying -- but also kind of thrilling (you know, the girls who are attracted to "bad boys"? I'm the male counterpart). I still like talking to her (long-distance), so I decided to take that out because it was a little derogatory. Being the rare borderline aspie, she actually gets me more than most people do. So I think *just friends* is ok. She messaged me based on some of my posts asking about BPD here. So I dunno. There's nothing wrong with talking to a variety of people -- it's not the same as dating them.

Unlike most people here, I'm very good at sniffing out lies and taking care of myself and never really get taken advantage of. I lived in a third world country full of con artists without any (serious) incidents.

Last edited by Tyri0n on 17 Mar 2013, 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I attract people who want to have certain qualities I have, but don't. They somehow think I have some kind of magic that will instantly give them those qualities and get pissed off when I inform them that they have to work hard for it. An example of this is my patience and determination. I am sick of people who want something from me. I can recognize it as a compliment but I hate it. They suck they life out of me and I end up feeling used. Guys think they are so philosophical when they start dating me and I want nothing to do with them. Basically what I mean is, I attract people who want me to "make them better people". They need to find someone that has a savior complex, because I don't have that. The latest example is someone who befriended me because he thought I'd tell him how to change his life and knock all his bad habits - as if that's my job.

The aspie I dated didn't do that to me; it was more like two equals sharing ideas. Best relationship ever.

I seem to attract girls with horrible self esteem issues, daddy issues (in almost every single case), and girls with no future who probably want to rely on me to take care of them.
But I am also to blame, as I was young and foolish, I liked what I saw on the outside and didn't care much for a true emotional bond.. not that I knew how to form one anyway.

Just set yourself some realistic standards, don't compromise, and tell yourself: who gives a flying ---- what anyone thinks of your standards?