How Can I Overcome Social Anxiety?

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I have no problem being an Aspie, but it cannot be denied that social anxiety is a pretty nasty co morbid.

I probably appear to be very confident on WP, but in real life, having a conversation with someone is an uphill struggle. It ... it feels as though I am trying to reach out to people around me, but an elastic band tied around my torso is just holding me back. I can have a regular conversation with anyone, but I speak very quietly, the tone and pitch of my voice changes when I don't want it to, and yet, never when I actually do!

My anxiety also stops me from being supportive of people, and when someone is in need, I have an overwhelming desire to help them, and it pisses me off so much that I simply can't.

Any thoughts?

EDIT: Drugs are not an option.

You just brought up an interesting point. What percentage of folks on the spectrum have a comorbid? I'll bet it's pretty high and probably near 100%. If it isn't anxiety then depression or some personality disorder like narcissism, paranoid, schizotypal, bpd, histrionic, avoidant, etc.

I have a few myself including social anxiety. Yeah, it's pretty crippling and does rob people of fully enjoying all that life has to offer. Being such a misfit, all I would prefer to do, is hang out with other misfits. Of course, I'm also avoidant so that's that gonna happen. Still, I've noticed that there are meetup groups for all types - and expanding daily. It's probably a good place to connect with like-minded others.

All I can say is with more practice you will have less anxiety, try to set up situations for yourself were you have to interact with people, for example buying something. I used to be too shy to that, but now I have no problems with that at all.

I take drugs, which apparently is not applicable here, but before I had a diagnosis and prescriptions I taught myself to become a moderate social drinker, which was actually pretty effective. What was better was that there seemed to be a bit of exposure therapy type benefit as well, like confronting my feared situation under the sedating effects of alcohol made it less frightening later when I'd encounter it without drinking. It also helped that I really like to play pool, and interacting with people over a common activity is way easier than doing it "cold", and a beer and a few rounds of pool is a pretty cheap evenings entertainment.

I know you don't like medicinal or illicit drugs (I don't), but liquid courage -- small amounts of alcohol -- does work. It works. I especially reccommend Scotch (whiskey) and Coke -- it's a nice masculine drink that keeps your verbal mind and common sense awake with the caffiene, while dramatically reducing inhibitions and fear. Anyway, once you've been buzzed and done some sort of social thing, then when you try it sober it is a little easier.

Practise makes perfect, trust me . Usually, it takes until I'm a couple of minutes into a conversation (when I forget about my anxety and focus on the person) for me to feel better. If you practise on total strangers who you are never going to see again, you can make planet Earth your training facility. Sometimes, I'll have a crap day socially, and it will feel like crap, but then when I have a good day it feels fantastic.

Thanks for the advice. I will try small amounts of alcohol combined with coke to make things easier at first.

"Put on" an NT mask is the only thing that really works, in my experience.

This means thinking more like "The world is here to serve me" instead of "I'm here to serve the world"....

Also, being able to be more irritated (but happy) instead of always "too happy".

There are some good books out there like 'coping with social anxiety'

practice socialising, exposure, take up public speaking at toastmasters.....

Try working retail for a few years.

Why do you hate the OP?

Retail . . . doing it now. . . . *shudder*

My social anxiety is controlled by how concerned I am with how I am perceived by the person or group I am trying to socialize with, at this point in life I have less social anxiety because I am financially secure, what I mean by this is no one has any real control over me because I have managed to secure my financial future through hard work and a lot of luck. I think that my social anxiety is directly proportional to how much I need something from someone, such as their approval, and acheiving that goal requires a certain ammout of social skills, which I obviously lack, ergo, the less I need a persons approval, the less social anxiety I have. Thats my 2 cents anyway

Alcohol is a great social lube.

Only answer to the OP is to throw yourself in the deep end really.

Only told I had AS 2 weeks ago. I am 33 and have always been quite determined to have a good career, work is something I get a lot of pleasure from but it has been far from easy.

I have worked in sales for 13 years, have managed teams, have had to travel around the world to conferences. I have always struggled with this behind closed doors, had my own meltdowns over things and had times when I have dodged doing things when it all gets too much but on the whole I try to keep that hidden away from public view.

It is still isn't easy but I look at some of the day to day stuff I have to do and 13 years ago I would have freaked at having to do it so it shows if keep at it you can overcome some things though it takes many years and a lot of effort.

First thing I decided when I was told I had AS was that I will never allow it to become a crutch for me to get out of doing things. no way will I allow it to ruin my career.

Maybe you can talk about your interests, I'm sure that'll be easier.

But I don't believe that this'll ever be solved completely. I had a lot of confidence asking someone out, and when I had the perfect opportunity, I just froze. Ugh. But It's time for me to rebound from that and try again. That's what you gotta do, just keep on trying.

My social anxiety grew out of aspergers. Repeated social mishaps and embarrassments...not knowing what went wrong and therefore not knowing how to fix it...what can I say? I am conditioned to feel anxious in social situations.

I am also not interested in medication, but I found alcohol can sometimes help ease some of the anxiety. Liquid courage....

My social anxiety grew out of aspergers. Repeated social mishaps and embarrassments...not knowing what went wrong and therefore not knowing how to fix it...what can I say? I am conditioned to feel anxious in social situations.

I am also not interested in medication, but I found alcohol can sometimes help ease some of the anxiety. Liquid courage....