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Rattus
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29 Mar 2013, 4:41 am

Does anyone else find they cause massive issues? I'm not good with weekends anyway because they disrupt my rountine but I hate holidays eg: like the Easter weekend, Christmas etc. I dread them coming up and by this point I am really really dreading it. How do other people manage it?
I'd really like to just sleep all weekend and not be there for it. Worse still, my parents are wanting me to come home on Monday to be with them and my brother and sister all day. That in itself is a huge issue let alone that they've been away skiing for a week (another massive anxiey point) and that I have to deal with the damn Easter weekend before that. I'm at meltdown point.


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StuartN
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29 Mar 2013, 4:51 am

I think you could have "other arrangements" when you are 25, but not as dismissive as "washing your hair". If you do go, it must be possible to compromise on things that make you really uncomfortable - I will not attend holiday parades unless I am the only adult available to take a child.

On the plus side, I love football and other sporting cup final days. It is the best possible time to go shopping, because everyone is either at home or in a bar watching TV. The only shop-assistants left are easier to deal with because all the annoying macho types have taken a sickie. If you need to buy TV or computer equipment, you can get genuine advice without the posing and put-downs that most macho idiot shop assistants delight in.



Rattus
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29 Mar 2013, 5:05 am

The thing is, they know I won't have other arrangements. I have one friend who isn't via the internet and the only people I ever go out with is my aunt or my parents. I will be told I am ruining things whether I attend (meltdowns) or whether I don't (my siblings are away at uni and so this would be the first time since Christmas we'll all be together and my mum wants it). I desperately don't want to upset my family because I love them. However, I really don't want to go because there are so many things about it that are just too hard and I am frightened I will compleatly freak out and ruin it:
1) unstructured time, the whole day. What will I do when we aren't doing anything?
2) my routine will be compleatly disrupted.
3) I have no idea what we will be doing and I can't find out until they get back from holiday which would be Sunday evening, I'm supposed to be there on monday and I don't even know what time I am being picked up or whether I'm being expected to get there via the train (Bank holiday trains, will there even be trains on Easter monday at that time?)
4) Awful lot of OCD fears connected to this.
5) Food, I have an ED so my parents ask me to bring my own food, will I be able to get it before or will we go via a supermarket? If I have to get it before, will I be able to on a bank holiday weekend?
6) what about my brother and my sister. What if they tell me something firghtening? What will I say to them. I am frightened of them when my parents aren't with me. However, my brother and sister like to talk to me on my own. Frightened.
I know I am probably coming off compleatly stupid in this, how on earth can I be so utterly pathetic at 25?!


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goldfish21
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29 Mar 2013, 5:12 am

What if you just told them the truth as you've posted it here?

Tell 'em you can't handle being there for the weekend and so you'd really rather not & won't be attending. Let them know you don't mean anything rude by it, but that you haven't been feeling well and you know that if you attend you're not going to be able to function very well and things will get worse for you. Maybe they'd be understanding and be OK with it.

But if you know they wouldn't:

You're 25 years old. You're allowed to make adult decisions that are in your best interest. There's no rule or law that says you must attend a family weekend/dinner because someone else wants you to be there. If it's seriously that detrimental to your health and well being, choose not to subject yourself to it, and be happy & healthy instead.


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Rattus
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29 Mar 2013, 5:31 am

Thankyou, I will have a word with them.
I was only formally diagnosed with AS a few weeks ago and we've only been aware that this was the case a year ago. After a life time of being just deemed as badly behaved because of the meltdowns it's taking a while to get my head around it and my parents too. My therapist has done a lot of explaining this to my parents and I think they are getting it but I hate upsetting them and I feel I have done that my whole life despite tryng really hard not to.


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Alycat
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29 Mar 2013, 3:23 pm

I hate holidays for the same reasons. The lack of control over what is happening/knowledge over what is coming next tend to overwhelm me.
The past few times I've gone on holiday with my parents I've had pretty bad arguments/meltdowns.
I'm also not good at setting my own schedule, but am trying to do this over Easter, as I have two whole weeks to fill.


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Rattus
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31 Mar 2013, 12:52 pm

Thankyou Alycat, I hope you are so far managing the Bank holiday weekend, when does your school go back? I hope you manage to set a schedule in the mean time.
This weekend has been an increasing escalation of anxiety, culminating in me getting upset and confused. My family is pissed off with me due to the "too many phonecalls" situation. The phonecalls are part of my OCD and are a significant problem. However I am working really hard to control and reduce it. Yelling at me doesn't help, it just makes me worse. I'm just so damn tired and wish I could get through a simple thing such as a bank holiday without being in a mess and pissing everyone off.


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StuartN
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01 Apr 2013, 5:25 am

Rattus wrote:
Yelling at me doesn't help, it just makes me worse. I'm just so damn tired and wish I could get through a simple thing such as a bank holiday without being in a mess and pissing everyone off.


What would you like to be doing? And, amongst the things that you enjoy doing, is there anything that can be a part of being with your family? Like playing board games, baking or going to the zoo - I love going to the zoo.

If not, then you need to discuss with your family what to do if they insist on you being present and then create an environment that is miserable for you (and everyone else) - you need to say that either you should not be there or they need to compromise with your needs. Maybe somebody here can recommend a good, short book that discusses these issues - I always recommend Attwoods Complete Guide to Asperger Syndrome, but you would need to mark a chapter or section, because it is such a thick book.



Rattus
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01 Apr 2013, 11:32 am

Thankyou, I think we do need to talk about this...we do but to be honest, I think it's that they've been viewing my behaviour in a particular was for years and it's going to take a long time (if they ever do) for them to view it in another way.
I'm just feeling pretty low and I guess I'm not feeling great in general, maybe I will try with them over the next few moths and see whether things start to change. My Therapist said about talking to my parents and I know the thought that would be good. I think they'd take it better from her as she's a person in a professional capacity as opposed to me.


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