I stand alone

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Anyone ever feel like this? In a gathering of any group of people (and even on here most of the time), do you ever feel as though you stand alone, disconnected from everyone else and the relationships, loves, toils, pains and triumphs of everyone else here? It feels impersonal, as though I don't have a real connection to anyone here. It's hard to describe, but I feel like that in real life too. Anywhere I go, I always feel as though I stand alone. I don't feel as though I interact with people properly and that whenever I do I feel as though I am almost like an intruder, an alien being to be rejected.

A lot of the time, yes. It reminds me far too much of how I felt all the time in grade school--the "alone on the playground" syndrome.

If you want someone to talk to, so you don't feel that way so much, PM me.

Yes. But then don't most of us on here...hence the name Wrong Planet?

I understand that, but it's a little more specific than just feeling as though you don't fit in. It feels as though you could be almost invisible, as though it's almost - almost - not you interacting with other people. It's as though you are not entirely there when you interact with strangers.

That sounds like disassociation or depersonalisation.

I can relate. Not to the part of being alien or intruder, but more like two same charged magnetic poles pushed too close. I've heard this description about two autistic people, but I feel it consistently with everyone around me. If someone tries to move closer, there's an immediate slide away and back.

I believe I can explain to you why you feel this way. I (think I!) know the feeling you are describing.


We live on planet earth in the universe. There are lots and lots of non-living stuff on this planet. But there are also living creatures. One example is birds. Another example is humans. You and I are both individuals belonging to that last species.

Life does not have a purpose in itself. It is, however, governed by a mechanism which is to exist and ensure contiual existence (through survival).

As a way of ensuring that humans (and life in general) act in favour of survival, humans use a survival technique . The technique is to not view the world the way it truly is.

Because if you view the world as it truly is, life becomes meaningless, simply because life is meaningless. That would be a huge threat to the survival of humans. This would collide with the existence/survival-mechanism.

Instead of viewing the world as it truly is humans have to view it through their own lives. When they do this they will be convinced that life actually has a true purpose and is very important.


When you

feel as though you could be almost invisible, as though it's almost - almost - not you interacting with other people.

then it's because you see the world too much as it truly is. You see it like:

"I am a person. There is a person talking to me. He says something to me. I respond to that...etc. etc."

Viewing the conversation this way, you will experience yourself as being "almost invisible". It's because you don't truly identify with yourself. If you did the above conversation would be more like:

"Hey what he's telling me reminds me of what I experienced yesterday. I think I'll share that with him. He responds with laughter. I laugh in response to his laughter. I think I'll ask where he's going, maybe we could....etc. etc. "


The key to connection with other people is to meet them through your own life, not meet them without regard to your own life.

When you do this the feeling you are describing (should!) disappear. From my own experience, doing this can be easier said that done, however. Because if you have autism your brain is wired to see the world as it truly is, not through your own life. You have to force this consciously.

Last edited by qawer on 29 Mar 2013, 9:14 pm, edited 3 times in total.

That makes sense. I want lots of company, but I only see people as how they immediately relate to me in any given situation.

The thing is, it's extremely difficult to properly identify with one's own life if one has autism. I mean only being able to see everything in relation to one's own life, not see it "from the outside"/scientifically.

That's why it may be difficult to truly feel that one connects with other people.

Interesting that you posted this today. I went for a long walk alone today and I was listening to the song Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day on my ipod and was thinking how sad it was that the lyrics could apply to my life perfectly.

Some lyrics:

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's only me, and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one, and I walk alone

[Chorus]
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pHc6Tw5Ffk[/youtube]

I feel frustrated because I cannot make people understand stuff that is obvious to me. For that reason I am not able to connect as I think in a vastly different way to them and my perception of the world is different as a result.

I sometimes feel like I am standing on the outside of a society gone insane.

So consumed is it with materialism, hierarchy, power, status that these things are pursued at the expense of human welfare and the human soul/feelings.

It is taught to believe that it is worthless if it does not pursue these things or does not have them and people believe it...without any question. They just accept. This is the way it is, this is the way it is supposed to be....but does it? Man made it...its man made. They could have made it differently.

They hurt each other, they take each others lives, people are starving, homeless, abused....

Petty arguments over nothing. People are ego driven...so ego driven that they are willing to risk their own well being and health (and the well being and health of others) in their endless pursuit of constant ego masturbation.

They can't accept that it is natural for people to have different skills, instead if you don't possess a certain skill you must be defective and in need of repair. Yet it would have been beneficial evolution wise for members of a tribe to have different skills. It may have helped a small group work more effectively as a whole (ie the cook, the cave painter, the exceptional hunter, an excellent gatherer, the talented tool maker and so on...each contributing their particular skill towards the survival of their clan during good times and bad). If we all had the same skill set we would all be fighting over who gets the role that everyone wants because its the best one...if we all had the same interests the same would happen and mutiny would break out. The group would be rife with infighting.

Better if we all have different skills, so we can all be happy doing what we are best suited to.

These days If people don't live up to their own supersized but incredibly insecure and fragile egos they flounder and believe themselves to be worthless. If others don't live up to their supersized but incredibly insecure and fragile egos expectations of what that other should be they are deemed to be worthless also.

They see life only in terms of success and failure or win or lose when there are other motivations for living and doing things...such as passion and experience and learning.

Look at human history...has this species ever truly been sane? And if we were at what point in the ancient past did we lose our sanity?

Yes I feel like I stand alone.

Although I still have some vain hope that there are others out there like me who hold the same life philosophy that I can connect with...somewhere in the deep recesses of my soul anyway.

Last edited by bumble on 29 Mar 2013, 10:44 pm, edited 2 times in total.

@daydreamer84: I love that song. I relate to it pretty well, too, at the deepest core of my being. Not too many people "get me."

no, not really. I never really care to be popular. I enjoy being alone, then being with people. I don't mind every now and then, but not all the time.
I am not a very social person. But that just me.

You are.

I understand completely Tequila, but my entire life has been this way. So I don't really feel any pain from it anymore. I'm consciously aware that no matter who I am with or where I am, I am alone.
Even if I feel like I care about people, they can't understand or see the world as I do. As bumble has suggested above, the world has gone insane; to try to explain this, or give someone a touch of sanity only serves to further alienate me.

For example, Monsanto has just received legal immunity from Obama, their GMO crops will take over the market soon (I'm not American but this still concerns me greatly as we are neighbors). No one really seems to care. No one cares that there's poison in the tap water, no one cares that technology is replacing human interaction, no one cares about anything anymore. There's no true religion, no philosophy, the western world is dying and I'm starting to understand exactly why so many people believe "America is Satan".

If I were to say that to the average person, what is their reaction?

In my eyes you have two options..
Accept that you're alone and try to find a small, small group of people that you can be around.
OR
Fake it, be fake. Even most NTs are not themselves in public, or with friends. I believe most aspies are even worse because they're aware they have to try to fake it.
However, I believe everyone is lacking introspection, they don't understand themselves let alone anyone else... The most important thing I can suggest is to understand yourself, whatever that means for you.

Often, sorta, but recently I've had a different perspective on it.

I feel like more of an outside observer watching a live movie play out in front of me, and it can be rather entertaining and beautiful to take in the world through the point of view of live cinematography. Same sense of being an outsider, but completely different perspective = much more enjoyable vs. depressing or frustrating. Try it!

It's funny, because while I can identify with this, I feel it's a double-edged sword. Sometimes people feel they have THE answer, they believe they've got it, and they're not willing to listen to counter arguments. In that scenario, I usually just politely smile and nod, because I know it's futile to try to disagree with them. In their minds, I wonder if they think of me, "this guy is just like everyone else, he doesn't get IT like I do!"

So I try not to be smug and preachy about my beliefs, and keep my mind open that I could be wrong.

I've always enjoyed picking people's brains and trying to see how they think. On the whole though, I think people don't like having their beliefs challenged, especially if the belief is commonly held.

I'm not one to quote song lyrics, but this reminds my a lot of a Beach Boys song...not about cars, girls, or surfing: