Obsessed with wanting to know

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I have heard from more than on doc including my current one that they dont know if I have AS and on top of that my bipolar is severe and what I should be treated for.

Basically I might never know, but an aspie-like symptom the docs know I have takes over. I am obsessed with AS and wanting to know.


I am told my symptoms fall under bipolar or even high iq. They think my obsessiveness is OCD.

How can I put my mind to rest?

There are many factors to take into account when diagnosing autism but you need to take into account that it is just a label and you are still an individual that is going to be different from every other person on the spectrum.

You should go to a psych that has a speciality or subspecialty in autistic spectrum disorders.

If you've met one person with Asperger's, you've met one person with Asperger's. No matter what your official diagnosis (or lack thereof) is, your neurology is still your neurology.

...I'm making that my new signature.

I am very much in the same situation-- I have four different relatives saying four different things about my developmental history, and my school reports from years past are not much more consistent. What also adds to the confusion is that even professionals seem to disagree on whether or not my "autistic traits" constitute an autistic spectrum disorder.

What I have found, however, is that no therapist and no relative can accurate smash a person into "x" number of checkboxes. Everybody checks at least one box off; practically nobody checks off every box. Also, everybody checks off boxes for different labels. O.C.D. overlaps with Tourettes which overlaps with A.D.H.D. which overlaps with Asperger's which overlaps with Schizotypical Personality Disorder which overlaps with Schizophrenia which overlaps with depression which overlaps with pretty much every mood disorder which overlaps with just about everything else in the DSM or ICD.

Basically, those labels are just adjectives used to describe people, but no one adjective can define a person. Just like there is more to a person than being "blonde" or "Asian," there is more to a person than being "bipolar" or "autistic."

What's even more fun is that those labels are continuously changing-- what constituted autism fifty years ago does no constitute autism today, and what constitute autism today may not constitute autism tommorrow.

My mind has not yet been entirely put to rest about this, either, so I do not know if I can offer any real advice, but I do know this:
There are much greater things about you to discover and polish than what neurological spectrum modern psychology shoves you into.

This is why we need to create actual medical diagnostic tests for neuropsych disorders. Screening questionnaires just don't cut it.

OddDuckNash99 is right. There is no blood test or brain scan that can definitively say someone has AS. Until there is, no one will "know for sure" they have it, not even the currently diagnosed. Why should Angnix be any different?

I agree with mikassyna - find someone to diagnose you. I obsessed on it for about a year before I did, and his observation was that I actually had a severe social anxiety. It put my mind at rest.

The only things known for sure about my mental differences is that it involves bipolar because I have obvious mood problems that have involved episodes of mania, and that I have some form of anxiety and also high iq. The docs know that I have traits of AS and ADHD but they dont seem to know for sure.

I don't know whether I have it or not either. I have stopped trying to get a diagnosis for anything because none of the ones I have been given so far seem to fit right (I have never had a formal diagnosis of an ASD though).

What I do know?

I have horrendous trouble finding and maintaining friendships. My way of thinking tends to be different to those around me and I don't really understand their social world very well. It leaves me confused. I can pass for normal for short periods of time by sticking to formal polite but beyond that I start to flounder badly oftentimes because I don't know what I should be doing, can't always read what people want or intend and don't fully understand exactly how they think. I also tend to assume they know the same as me or understand things in the same way I do and often find myself surprised or shocked when they don't.

People's reactions to things confuse and shock me simultaneously sometimes.

I adore my hobbies but am I obsessed or passionate? I prefer the word passionate especially as if I lose interest in them I can just stop doing them and move on to the next interest that is fascinating me instead. That does not seem very compulsive to me as if it were a compulsion I'd think I would still feel compelled to carry on with the activity regardless. I also don't feel anxious if I don't get my hobby time...more upset. Perhaps it is just the obsessive side of things I don't know. I still love my hobbies and I will still seek them out whether I am medicated or not so it's not something they can treat anyway.

I like certain things the same way. This too could be OCD but I had an episode of OCD years ago when I was on some medication that caused it. It seemed to be completely different. The compulsions and obsessions were unwanted and not enjoyable in the least. As with my hobbies I seek out my liking of sameness in certain ways but will and can change a sameness if I tire of it or no longer like or want it (although I really really hate sudden change...I need to be prepared thank you!). With the OCD they would persist anyway until I got rid of it as it was wasting my time (the constant light switch flicking was ridiculous to say the least). I no longer get unwanted compulsions or obsessions...only those I actively seek out and I only ever the so called 'obsessed' side of it rather than feeling a compulsion. Could it pure O, aye, but I don't experience intrusive thoughts...they are not intrusive. Ie any thoughts about my hobbies I seek out because I love them! If I want to spend hours ruminating about the evolution of sharks I can....

I will also acquire huge collections relating to my hobbies and I do get attached to them. If any of them gets lost or broken I get very upset...they are my babies. I don't like people just randomly touching my babies but don't mind if they ask if its ok and I trust them not to break them etc (people don't seem to care if they break someone's stuff). However, I do not collect useless junk or keep stuff I don't need to keep just for the sake of it. I hate too much clutter around me and I don't have room for rubbish.

My liking for sameness includes my weekly tendency to eat the same brand and flavour of ice cream whilst watching a movie. I have been doing such for many many many years now. Do not wish to change my ice cream flavour, do not want a different one and still adore the one I do like. I always like to wear the same coat. I like my furniture in the same sort of position and don't really move it around. I always visit the same websites every day and so on.

I also like repetition and will do things like listening to the same song or watching the same movie over and over but because I want to not because I have to. If I want to change tracks...or playlists...or albums...or films...I will.

If my liking for sameness is disrupted I do not feel as though something bad will happen (as I did with the OCD when I had it) I just feel upset and flustered to varying degrees. When it comes to my ice cream for example, if i have to skip it or change the flavour or eat it with a different spoon or in a different way then I don't seem to really enjoy it. It changes the experience and it isn't the same.

I don't know what that is but it does not seem to be anything like the OCD I had some years ago and my liking of sameness has been there since childhood whereas my OCD was not. That came in on top during adulthood or adolescence. If the time of my scooby viewing (for example) was changed my mother said (and I quote her words) "you would have a tantrum from hell". So obviously my love of sameness in certain was was just always there. I was only about 3 or so years old etc.

I also had my collections from childhood as well..by age 5 I was collecting bank forms (was not interested in dolls really and drove my parents mad collecting forms from banks instead).

I can't identify with OCD people any longer as my obsessions do not cause me anxiety in and of themselves...only people trying to change what I love and am happy with does that because they think I should be more like them instead. Left alone with my passions I am happy just plodding about and enjoying them.

It can cause social issues as my oddities make me well...different.

I also have sensitivities people don't understand...ie I can't wear pure wool or certain wool mixes, I had to have labels cut out of clothes as a child and sometimes still do, my eyes are sensitive to bright sunlight (but that could be my convergence issues), I am sensitive to various chemicals and foods as well and I get nightmare side effects from medications.

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I don't really Identify with social anxiety people either. Yes sometimes I can worry about looking like a dingle berry but I am not easily embarrassed. I am wary of being bullied because I have a long history of it. I am better at attracting bullies than I am at attracting friends and have had life long difficulties with that.

However, I still cannot make friends even when not socially anxious, I still hate chit chat as I cannot bond with someone via such an activity, I still have trouble reading some things and so on. Removing my social nervousness sometimes will no correct my social problems. I have over ridden my social anxiety many times to socialise...I still fail socially.

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I can have trouble identifying with people with depression also as I don't get all of the symptoms even though I can on occasion suffer from a low mood.

I don't experience the whole hate/guilt/self loathing thing.
I rarely feel suicidal (I need to have recently been through a massive emotional trauma for that kind of thing and my period also has to be due simultaneously).
My low mood appears when I am upset about something but then disappears when I find my attention drawn to something that makes me feel happy (comes and goes).
If I do get a continuous low mood it usually only lasts a few days at most and tends to be worse around my period or before I get migraine.

I do have sleep problems that my drs put down to depression but these will persist despite my state of mind or mood. I am nocturnal and I cannot get my circadian rhythm to behave. Even pills won't regulate it properly and will only help my sleep temporarily. I also get episodes of drowsiness during the day and sometimes have to go for a nap. Unlike a depressed person I do NOT want to go to sleep, I want to stay up and do something else but I can't. I am so sleepy I have to go to sleep. If I try to resist it I am so drowsy I cannot function regardless of how hard I try to wake up. I cannot process much at these times. At least if I have the sleep I might be functional again for a while after I wake up.

I do get migraine headaches which my drs also blame depression for but I now only get those twice a month...once mid way through my cycle (I call it my ovulation headache) and once when I get my menses.

I also do not hate life...I love being alive most of the time...if I was not I would not have the chance to do my beautiful hobbies!

I do get stressed out by life sometimes because people expect me to take on more than I can often manage and the techniques they use to balance my sleep etc make it worse (not better). Also the antidepressants they put me on make my moods worse and also make me physically ill. I can't function at all on antidepressants.

I did also have stomach issues but those went away when I changed my diet and stopped eating grains and lactose. My mood seems to have nothing to do with it despite my drs insisting it was anxiety related. I don't really get anxiety in the GAD sense. I get some social anxiety (explained above) sometimes and I may get upset over my lack of a social life and the fact that I feel a bit lonely and isolated sometimes (not all of it) but I don't really worry about problems or get panic attacks etc anymore. I did get panic attacks once up on a time but that was many years ago when I drank too much alcohol. I stopped drinking and they went away.

On saying that about my isolation when I do pursue a social life I often can't cope with it. It takes more social contact than I can often manage without becoming exhausted. In the most part I think I am an introvert.

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Plus even among depressed/anxious/OCD people I am still the odd ball who is rejected because I am weird.

Go figure.