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Ai_Ling
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12 Apr 2013, 5:09 pm

Have you ever found it necessary to purposely withdraw from someone because you were obsessed with them? And you feel ashamed of that but you still gotta interact with them? Like need to withdraw to the point where you have little/no emotional connection with them because if you started to redevelop any type of connection, your obsession could start up again?

I was obsessed with a person and I pulled back and purposely ran the connection dry and distant. Sometimes, I feel bad about it but I realize it was best for me.



Jainz
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12 Apr 2013, 5:17 pm

Ai_Ling wrote:
Have you ever found it necessary to purposely withdraw from someone because you were obsessed with them? And you feel ashamed of that but you still gotta interact with them? Like need to withdraw to the point where you have little/no emotional connection with them because if you started to redevelop any type of connection, your obsession could start up again?

I was obsessed with a person and I pulled back and purposely ran the connection dry and distant. Sometimes, I feel bad about it but I realize it was best for me.


Yes, occasionally. Sometimes it's either that or develop an unhealthy obsession with them. :\ It's why I don't like to get too close to people right away.



briankelley
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12 Apr 2013, 6:42 pm

Outside of family, I've never felt connected to anyone, much less found myself obsessed with anyone. I would've thought being attached to people in a way that one is obsessed with them, ran contrary to autism.

There are a couple of family members I've felt the need to distance myself from based on an ongoing repetitious soap opera type routine . But that was a case where I felt they were the ones obsessing over me, so to speak, and I needed them to back off and leave me alone.



RagingShadow
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12 Apr 2013, 6:49 pm

I have been withdrawing this past week. Haven't been to school since Wednesday. Not to get away from someone in particular, just away from everyone.
My obsession is consuming me, starting to become more narrowly focusing on the possibility of my Asperger's.
My grades are (for me) crap, I wish I never had to go out again.
I was supposed to go to a friend's birthday extravaganza, but I can't, because there could be between 10 and 16 people there. At minimum.


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Diagnosed with ASD at age 17 with the DSM V.
Trying to find Aspie meetups in the Long Beach, CA area.


Matt62
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12 Apr 2013, 7:09 pm

I only withdraw from a person if they have loud or grating voices. Or have infants/toddlers who are about to scream/cry. That I CANNOT abide...
Otherwise, I do not withdraw unless I am getting ready to have a meltdown. Or after one.

Sincerely,
Matthew



Bluespace
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12 Apr 2013, 7:54 pm

briankelley wrote:
I would've thought being attached to people in a way that one is obsessed with them, ran contrary to autism


Maybe.. but what about the obsessive tendancies people on the spectrum can have? Maybe having an unhealthy obsession with someone isnt really the same as connection. Or maybe loneliness can drive an aspie to obsess over having a connection with a person, especially if it is difficult to achieve.



MjrMajorMajor
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12 Apr 2013, 8:21 pm

Bluespace wrote:
Or maybe loneliness can drive an aspie to obsess over having a connection with a person, especially if it is difficult to achieve.


This has been the experience for me, probably because I can count on one hand people I have connected with. Even when you can avoid the obsession, there's always the frustration about not being able to understand what a person is looking for from you.



Bluespace
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12 Apr 2013, 9:29 pm

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Bluespace wrote:
Or maybe loneliness can drive an aspie to obsess over having a connection with a person, especially if it is difficult to achieve.


This has been the experience for me, probably because I can count on one hand people I have connected with. Even when you can avoid the obsession, there's always the frustration about not being able to understand what a person is looking for from you.


Me too.. I try not to let myself do this anymore as it doesn't help me, i think it only seperates me further from the real world and from making real connections. sometimes I feel myself drifiting into that space again and I have to stop myself. I try to find real connections with people these days, although it can be difficult, especially with people I am attracted to, and its easier to have a relationship with someone in my mind than in reality, however in the long run fantasing about a connection only makes me more lonely.



rapidroy
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12 Apr 2013, 11:23 pm

Never from obsession however I have somewhat withdrawn becouse of fear of becoming a pest to my friends. I have no idea if and when I become a pest so its better to be safe then sorry.



daydreamer84
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12 Apr 2013, 11:38 pm

rapidroy wrote:
Never from obsession however I have somewhat withdrawn becouse of fear of becoming a pest to my friends. I have no idea if and when I become a pest so its better to be safe then sorry.


Yeah, I've withdrawn for that exact reason. I have this horrible fear, whenever I have a friend, that they don't really want to be my friend and they're just spending time with me out of pity or something. They would never say it if that were true because they wouldn't want to hurt my feelings and maybe I wouldn't pick up on any hints they gave me.

I never really had a people obsession of that nature though. I've been obsessed with a lot of fictional characters and I had other girls who I would sort-of admire and pretend to be as a kid and I would try to emulate them but then I wasn't friends with them...I just did this from afar. Yeah, I'm weird , and I digress.



briankelley
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12 Apr 2013, 11:59 pm

Bluespace wrote:
briankelley wrote:
I would've thought being attached to people in a way that one is obsessed with them, ran contrary to autism


Maybe.. but what about the obsessive tendancies people on the spectrum can have? Maybe having an unhealthy obsession with someone isnt really the same as connection. Or maybe loneliness can drive an aspie to obsess over having a connection with a person, especially if it is difficult to achieve.


As I understand it, those obsessions tend to be over things rather than people/relationships. Listening to the same piece of music for instance.

As far as loneliness goes, it too is something I don't experience as a result of my autism.

I'm not suggesting what applies to me should apply to others, I'm just saying obsessing over a person, longing for a person, feeling lonely for a person is something I can't relate to when it comes to autism.



jk1
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13 Apr 2013, 12:01 am

rapidroy wrote:
Never from obsession however I have somewhat withdrawn becouse of fear of becoming a pest to my friends. I have no idea if and when I become a pest so its better to be safe then sorry.


Me, too, I do the same. When I start having a good relationship with someone, I start fearing I will eventually annoy that person. So I start avoiding that person so that I won't be hurt later when that person finds out I'm worthless and rejects me. It's pretty much preempting the rejection. I think it's a self-esteem issue.

And like the OP, there have been times when I developed an obsession with someone. It's really not a good thing.



briankelley
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13 Apr 2013, 12:19 am

rapidroy wrote:
Never from obsession however I have somewhat withdrawn becouse of fear of becoming a pest to my friends. I have no idea if and when I become a pest so its better to be safe then sorry.


I withdraw because being solitary is my default mode. I like people and do enjoy social interaction (despite its pitfalls) but it's more of a hobby or a challenge like climbing a rock to me. It's an act of discipline a test of endurance.

I've also found being continually totally withdrawn can cause problems if one needs assistance from others. A doctor office or hospital visit that requires someone to take you. Or if one needs character references for a job application.
I came to that conclusion after 15 years of blissful seclusion and realized I had no such resources. Not that I'm out to use people. It's more of a recognition that people need people.

Thinking on it a little more, I have obsessed over personas. Sometimes I'll study a particular individual at length because their persona interests me. This is pretty much limited to someone I can view during interviews and/or read articles or biographies about. Could be an actor or a writer or a scientist.