Birth order...family issues of Aspies

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Birth order...are you the...
oldest? 58%  58%  [ 36 ]
middle of 3 (same sex as either older or younger)? 10%  10%  [ 6 ]
middle of 3 (different sex than both older and younger)? 2%  2%  [ 1 ]
middle of 4 (2nd or 3rd)? 11%  11%  [ 7 ]
youngest? 19%  19%  [ 12 ]
Total votes : 62

whatamess
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12 Apr 2013, 8:32 pm

I wonder if in addition to being Aspies, some of the issues we have with family members are more related to birth order or if because we are Aspies they really just treat us differently...

Do you think that in addition to being Aspie your birth order also has something to do with the issues you encounter with your parents or siblings?



Moomingirl
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12 Apr 2013, 9:10 pm

I'm the youngest by quite a few years, and the only girl. I think this actually led to my differences not being detected, because my parents were used to boys so I just got looked as different because I was a girl.

The age difference also meant that some issues I had were looked upon as 'she's to young to understand'. I think this ended up being quite useful, as where I would have struggled to interact with siblings my own age, my older brothers actually made up for my deficits by sitting down and explaining things to me in a more grown up, logical way than most people would have to a child of that age.



MakaylaTheAspie
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12 Apr 2013, 9:19 pm

I'm the oldest, or as my mom says, the guinea pig. :lol:


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Moomingirl
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12 Apr 2013, 9:42 pm

MakaylaTheAspie wrote:
I'm the oldest, or as my mom says, the guinea pig. :lol:


Whereas my folks said that they tried really hard to do everything right with the first two, and then just gave up on number three and let me do my own thing.



xMistrox
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12 Apr 2013, 10:49 pm

First Half-Sister, 37, mother's side
Me, 27, only male
First Step-Sister, 21, step mother's side
Second Step-Sister, 21, step father's side
Full Sister, 20
Second Half-Sister, 9, father's side

Very complicated family life. My elder sister was a wild child (ran off to spring break with college boys when she was 14, etc.), I was sheltered and had a more strict upbringing, my full sister got her way much of the time, and my youngest sister has the benefits of full parental freetime and education/experience of elder siblings (she went into kindergarten with an advanced education and now has a mid-college reading level in third grade). I'm very sure my father is ASD, but I don't believe my full sister is, and my youngest sister shows some signs, but she seems fairly NT overall. I think my youngest sister has the best combination of upbringing and talent to succeed out of all of us.


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iliketrees
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12 Apr 2013, 10:53 pm

I have two younger brothers aged 14.. I like being in charge and that, but can't rise to the expected responsibility. Like, when my parents are out, they want me to answer the door. Of course, I freak out at this suggestion, and my brothers get out of it by not being the oldest, and so nobody answers the door or phone in my house but my parents. And I think the fact that I'm the opposite gender did hide my symptoms when I was younger.. but nearing adulthood, it no longer is, and yet my mum refuses to believe I'm anything but "weird" and a "nerd". I wish I was youngest in some ways in order to dodge responsibility.



CockneyRebel
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12 Apr 2013, 11:24 pm

I'm the oldest and my sister is three years younger than I am. My parents were more strict with me because of the fact that I was older and they also wanted me to be normal and fit in with my peers. The were on me about many things that they weren't on my sister for. I know that parents want the best for all of their children, but all the things that my parents tried to do up until this past September has backfired on them in a non violent and abrasive way. I'm living my life the way that I want, without being tied down to pity things like traditional gender roles and popular culture in the 21st Century.

One good thing about being older is that I have better musical tastes than my sister, because I've had the privilege of being around to remember a lot of good songs and bands were still played on the radio that my sister doesn't remember enough to appreciate.


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jk1
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12 Apr 2013, 11:51 pm

I think the birth order influences how the parents treat their children. First ones are pretty much experiment, but also the parents may have more special joy in having a child for the first time. I have older siblings and they somehow seem more mature and responsible whereas my younger sibling and I tended to be treated like babies a bit longer. I don't know how that relates to AS/autism.



Einfari
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13 Apr 2013, 12:06 am

I am the oldest of 4 children. I have three younger sisters aged 16, 14, and 10. There is no such thing as peace and quiet at my house.



Moomingirl
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13 Apr 2013, 12:20 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I'm living my life the way that I want


Good for you CockneyRebel :) That's the thing that I am really enjoying about getting older. I don't feel it is necessary to waste my energy trying to conform to other people's expectations.
As long as you're not hurting anyone with your differences, then what's the problem?

Sadly I don't think our parents had as much freedom. Certainly they seem to put a much higher value on conforming, and what other people think.



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13 Apr 2013, 12:26 am

I'm the oldest. My mother has always payed my brother more attention unless I'm literally dying or something else along those lines.


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ThetaIn3D
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13 Apr 2013, 3:02 am

Oldest of two.

It may be smart to include an "only child" option so that people don't think "see, it's most common that just the oldest gets Asperger's and the younger ones are unaffected" when some of the oldest are actually the only child.

When there are too many "only childs" in the "oldest" number, it hides the possibility that if the parents would've had more kids, some of the younger ones possibly would have had it too. Which would make the number of younger Aspies go up.

It sounds like a lot of the people who have posted at least who are oldest do have siblings though.



Last edited by ThetaIn3D on 13 Apr 2013, 3:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.

whirlingmind
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13 Apr 2013, 7:03 am

whatamess wrote:
I wonder if in addition to being Aspies, some of the issues we have with family members are more related to birth order or if because we are Aspies they really just treat us differently...

Do you think that in addition to being Aspie your birth order also has something to do with the issues you encounter with your parents or siblings?


Why have you only offered options for families with up to 4 children? I am unable to answer your poll because of this.


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OddDuckNash99
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13 Apr 2013, 8:32 pm

I had to pick "oldest" because there wasn't an "only child" option...


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MjrMajorMajor
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13 Apr 2013, 8:42 pm

I'm the oldest of four. We're pretty spaced out in age so I was usually the one "in charge" when our parents weren't around.