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Greb
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20 Apr 2013, 6:14 am

whirlingmind wrote:

As another poster said, with just one example it's hard to say for sure. What I would speculate is this:

People with AS are known for saying inappropriate things. Also, sometimes if I'm in a situation where there is more than one person talking, I might drift off into my own thoughts. Thoughts can be random, it can be a way of entertaining ourselves (and I don't just mean people with AS, this could be anyone). I have had trains of thought that I have then joined the conversation with and the others have looked at me blankly. I forget that they weren't in my head and didn't know what I was thinking. So perhaps she is having random thoughts, "flights of fancy" as it were, and then voicing them without even perhaps thinking that she's voicing them. They may mean nothing to her because she was just having random thoughts and they were kind of meaningless exploratory thoughts. 'What if's' etc. This would be why she wouldn't necessarily remember them.

Of course, you do realise I am sure, that having AS doesn't mean you cannot have another type of psychological issue alongside that, another disorder. It might be nothing to do with her AS, but something to do with her individual personality or something resulting from another disorder or issue she has.


Highly agreed.

In a nutshell: forget what she has said until now. And from now on, if she says something unappropiate, take her to private and talk about it. Then, not several months later.


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Anomiel
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20 Apr 2013, 10:48 am

kore wrote:
Hi, new here... I'm an NT partner....

AS folks - can you help me understand what might be going on when my partner says random things that she later says aren't true? I feel that my partner is generally honest and my understanding is that people on the spectrum are more precise with truth than NT's. I tell white lies sometimes and I don't think my sweetie ever does. However, she will make statements about herself and then at a later time tell me that it is absolutely not true, and also be horrified that she said such a thing.

For example "The only sexual chemistry that I think would be greater than ours might be with one of my students because of the taboo, and I hope I would have the strength to resist it"

When I asked her about this a few months later, she had no idea that she had said it, and was totally appalled at the idea that she might have chemistry with her students.

I have dozens of examples like this, on various topics, ranging from mildly to extremely distressing

Any thoughts?



So. She might have been joking, but ironically most NTs don't understand jokes if they don't get the expected bodylanguage/tone-cues.
But also what could have happened is this: Why did she say that? In what context? Was it in response to a question you asked? I highly doubt she just said it without provocation. You got the answer you looked for and have been saving it for months, to go "AHA got you!" now in a totally different situation. Why? If she remember it or not doesn't matter. You want us all to participate in shaming your girlfriend so you will feel justified, which would have happened at another forum, but none here play like that.
And if what she says is totally against your own value-system, then why are you with her? Either you talk to them at the time, or just accept it.



MjrMajorMajor
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20 Apr 2013, 11:15 am

Anomiel wrote:

But also what could have happened is this: Why did she say that? In what context? Was it in response to a question you asked? I highly doubt she just said it without provocation. You got the answer you looked for and have been saving it for months, to go "AHA got you!" now in a totally different situation. Why? If she remember it or not doesn't matter. You want us all to participate in shaming your girlfriend so you will feel justified, which would have happened at another forum, but none here play like that.
And if what she says is totally against your own value-system, then why are you with her? Either you talk to them at the time, or just accept it.


This.



Raziel
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20 Apr 2013, 11:32 am

Tyri0n wrote:
Yes, it can have something to do with processing speed. Sometimes, entire stories that aren't true come out of my mouth simply because I don't have time to process the social situation.

As for denial, it's likely she's embarrassed and wants to forget about it; it's unlikely she actually forgets. Even so, I don't think it would be a memory problem, probably more like a processing problem. Maybe try slowing down and try not to pressure her when she's anxious.


Yes.

Sometimes I think I've said things differently than I really did. Sometimes I meant them differently than the other person understood and sometimes I ment them in a humorus way but didn't have the right body language and sometimes I'm just talking about something else than the other person or had different communication levels.

With my mom it's that she really can't focus and forgets things.


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Ai_Ling
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20 Apr 2013, 2:06 pm

One mentioned, she might be joking however her body language might not be reflectant of a joke. So you took her seriously.

Or maybe she goes through phases where she thinks something and then suddenly goes cold on that thought.



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20 Apr 2013, 5:42 pm

Anomiel wrote:
You want us all to participate in shaming your girlfriend so you will feel justified,


I don't know where you got that. He's just trying to understand why she might say something at one point and then not remember it. He is not looking to say "aha! Got you!" He's wondering why a random comment made one day may not be remembered at a future date. He is not looking for "justification" (I can't even figure out what you think he would want justification for), and I don't think he believes his girlfriend needs to be shamed.

He is curious.

Give the guy a break. At least he is trying to find the answer by asking people who might know instead of just jumping to his own conclusions. Sheesh.


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Anomiel
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20 Apr 2013, 5:59 pm

InThisTogether wrote:
Give the guy a break. At least he is trying to find the answer by asking people who might know instead of just jumping to his own conclusions. Sheesh.


Well I just gave him one possible explanation to exactly that. I didn't realize it would have to be flattering at the same time. The "got ya!"-moment didn't happen here, it happened when he questioned her (in what sort of context do you think he brought that up?) why she said what she said a few months earlier.
It's not all that rare. Happens either due to jealousy or insecurity (in themselves or the relationship), or conscious manipulation (much more sinister implications). I'm not that interested in participating in that game. What is interesting though is thinking about the reason why people do things. I'd rather talk about the person present than hypothesize about his girlfriend behind her back. Maybe we should give her a break, hmm? You do realize the answers that one can expect from your average internet-forum to his post wouldn't be very nice at all and would by now have started a mob, all because he's upset (don't you see that? Not curious, upset) at his girlfriend, for something that is a non-issue? Anyway I don't care much at all, you have your view of the situation and I have mine, and yes, I'm aware it isn't all that polite :)



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20 Apr 2013, 7:31 pm

I don't think he's upset at all. But that's just my read on it. I don't read "upset" in someone who refers to the person in question as "my sweetie" and calls them a "generally honest person." He didn't say he was appalled by what she said. He said she was. And I can think of a number of less than sinister ways that this conversation could come up that have nothing to do with jealousy or manipulation. Simply watching the news and seeing a story about (yet another) teacher who slept with her students could bring it up. (There were two such stories in my area in the last week).

He hasn't said a single negative thing about her so I think it is harsh to jump to such harsh conclusions about someone who is trying to balance the stereotypical view of AS (unable to tell a lie) with what he sees in real life (what appears like it could be dishonesty, but he is not sure, which is why he asked.) How would he know unless he asks, and how will he ever feel comfortable asking again if he gets attacked?

I think we should be patient with NT's who come here to try to understand. Most of them don't even think to ask, so I think the ones who do deserve a little bit of leeway.

I don't mean to be getting all up in your grill about this. It's just a personal issue to me. I think back to when my daughter was first diagnosed and if I would have been jumped on by the adult aspies that I asked questions to, I don't know what would have happened. Maybe I would have left the forum (not this one) and only been guided by other parents. Perhaps even "Warrior Mothers" (shudder). But I wasn't jumped on. I was patiently guided. They tolerated a lot of really stupid questions, many of which were probably offensive because I was ignorant. But they understood that I didn't know any better and I was trying to learn because someone I loved was autistic.

Someone he cares about is autistic. He's trying to learn.


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