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allegrorules
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18 Apr 2013, 10:38 pm

Okay, I'm an Aspie and I seem to say rude things without meaning to quite often. I don't realize I've said anything rude, but my mother tells me later that I was rude.

For example, last Sunday I was at hippology practice (look it up on wikipedia if you are interested as it is rather complicated to explain) and I apparently said something rude to my team mates. We are competing at the State level this weekend and I had mentioned to them that I would be highly irritated if we didn't win (I'm very competitive and have been studying very hard for the competition). My mother later told me that what I had said was rude. I still can't figure out how that was rude.

Another example is when I was talking to a friend of mine who is a doctor and I told her about a t-shirt I had liked that said, "Real Doctors Treat More than One Species" (I hope to become a vet).

Anyway, have any of you had similar experiences where you say something rude and don't realize it? Is there any way that you help with working to not say rude things? I have lost several friendships from saying rude things without meaning to.



cathylynn
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19 Apr 2013, 12:18 am

those things weren't horribly rude, just slightly, and no one may have taken offense. my only advice is "consider your audience and think before you speak. be ready to apologize even if you don't understand why someone is upset." this from a person who lost her profession over five words.



briankelley
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19 Apr 2013, 2:17 am

allegrorules wrote:
Anyway, have any of you had similar experiences where you say something rude and don't realize it?


Only somewhere between a bazillion and a gazillion times.

Quote:
Is there any way that you help with working to not say rude things? I have lost several friendships from saying rude things without meaning to.


Lots of practice and trial and error I'm afraid. These days I'm known as someone who measures his words very carefully.
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ezbzbfcg2
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19 Apr 2013, 6:06 am

Context is often key. Moreover, a lot of NTs tend to be reactionary first, and (possibly) analytical second. If they don't like "the sound" of what you're saying, or they misperceive it, they tend to assume the worst and react accordingly.



theshawngorton
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19 Apr 2013, 6:19 am

Context shmontext. They probably use that as an excuse to be mean. And they ask loaded questions too. My favorite being "Do you think she's pretty" (cause women apparently care) and if I think a woman is pretty, I'll say yeah. I think that they are bombarded with subliminal messages that we don't get from the time they're born to the time they die. These messages are stuff like uh....along the lines that they are in control of what they do and if anything or anyone brings that into disbelief, they drop whatever they're doing just to believe what they've been told, but...I think they don't understand why they do this. Of course, this is no more than tentative theory at this moment, but it sounds "right on the money". There, that's my two cents worth for now.



ezbzbfcg2
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19 Apr 2013, 6:23 am

theshawngorton wrote:
Context shmontext. They probably use that as an excuse to be mean. And they ask loaded questions too. My favorite being "Do you think she's pretty" (cause women apparently care) and if I think a woman is pretty, I'll say yeah. I think that they are bombarded with subliminal messages that we don't get from the time they're born to the time they die. These messages are stuff like uh....along the lines that they are in control of what they do and if anything or anyone brings that into disbelief, they drop whatever they're doing just to believe what they've been told, but...I think they don't understand why they do this. Of course, this is no more than tentative theory at this moment, but it sounds "right on the money". There, that's my two cents worth for now.


By context, I'm saying from their perspective. A buddy joking around vs. a blanket statement that they can't decipher. If you're joking with them, but they think you're being serious, then in their minds you ARE being serious and they react negatively without a second thought.

It's how they perceive based on their understanding of context. If the tone or timing or deliverance is "off" on the Aspie's part, the NT defaults to their generic assumption and takes it as an affront.



theshawngorton
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19 Apr 2013, 6:46 am

Context is all about perception these days. Yup, like how NT's are the self-centered group, even if slightly.