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hartzofspace
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18 May 2013, 4:40 pm

Moondust wrote:
Stop focusing on "that woman", she's just an incidental symptom of something else, don't waste a second analysing "her", and start having some serious talks with your husband about solidarity. He is the one behaving inappropriately.

Well, he is an aspie, remember. And so am I. Anyway, he has agreed that he won't be accepting anymore invitations from her since he has been made aware of her behavior.


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Moondust
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18 May 2013, 4:48 pm

Yes, I remember he's an aspie and that he's responded very well to talks in the past. That's what I based myself on.

However, his behavior is not aspie in this instance. Most people need a wake-up call in these situations because as the one flirted with, they don't tend to see a problem till called on it by the spouse.

And by the way, huge congrats and wishing you lots of happiness on your wedding!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! ! It's so nice to see your posts now mentioning your husband, I was used to seeing the word fiancee in your posts.

My ex husband, in a similar situation, being an NT, was very clever: he waited patiently for his opportunity and when the guy (a former fling of mine who still flirted with me when I was newly married) said to me during a conversation: "Now you're married-" he interrupted with "That's right, VERY married." and that was the end of it. The guy got the message. And so did I. The way NTs like it -with a smile and seemingly all in good humor.


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hartzofspace
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18 May 2013, 11:23 pm

Moondust wrote:
Yes, I remember he's an aspie and that he's responded very well to talks in the past. That's what I based myself on.

However, his behavior is not aspie in this instance. Most people need a wake-up call in these situations because as the one flirted with, they don't tend to see a problem till called on it by the spouse.

And by the way, huge congrats and wishing you lots of happiness on your wedding!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! ! It's so nice to see your posts now mentioning your husband, I was used to seeing the word fiancee in your posts.

My ex husband, in a similar situation, being an NT, was very clever: he waited patiently for his opportunity and when the guy (a former fling of mine who still flirted with me when I was newly married) said to me during a conversation: "Now you're married-" he interrupted with "That's right, VERY married." and that was the end of it. The guy got the message. And so did I. The way NTs like it -with a smile and seemingly all in good humor.

Thanks for the congratulations! And it wasn't so much the flirting I objected to - I know that people do this. It was more his willingness to count her as a friend after she had treated his wife badly. We had to talk about it a lot, for him to see that she was not being nice to me and would likely never be nice to me. I have read articles where NTs advise married couples to accept that one of them may have friends that are disliked by the other spouse. So I tried to tolerate her. But in this case, she was outright wanting me to feel badly, and that was not worth tolerating. A real friend would be happy that my husband had found someone to love him and marry him, not try to alienate his wife!


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Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner