What goes through your brain during social interaction/

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PerfectlyDarkTails
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23 Apr 2013, 7:29 pm

Not very much when in conversation, often missing queues and such. Long conversations can start to get boring, discomforting and im often clueless with long pause or and incorrectly second guess intent or say something very unexpected, immature or hurtful.


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MusicalWonders
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23 Apr 2013, 8:59 pm

For close friends, I try and think of things that will make them laugh. I sometimes feel comfortable enough to drift in thought, though. I also have a major mindset of making memories and having fun.

With others.. it's generally worried thoughts of wondering what they're thinking or if I'm doing something wrong.



birdsintherain
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24 Apr 2013, 1:11 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
"Oh sh**! When is this going to be over?"


Yup. A lot of the time I am standing there like a deer in the headlights thinking this exactly.


Other things are hard to describe as they are not always the same thing. I have been working really hard for years on accepting myself, flaws and all, and figuring out how to express myself in conversation. The process begins usually with "oh good... they still think Im normal." and then deteriorates from that point. "oh great. now they know Im a little weird", "why did I say that?", "well they didn't take that the way I meant it.... should I try to redeem myself and explain what I meant or would that be weird?", and everything just moves too fast and I cant keep up.

And. like I said, the process is hard to describe or keep track of, but I end up making a catalogue in my head about what we've talked about that seems like somewhat normal conversation, all the things I have said or done to make them think Im "off", all the expressions on their faces that I couldn't read or figure out what they meant, all the things I've heard them say that I *think* is about me but Im not sure......
And while talking to people Im usually trying to keep track of this ever changing cataloging system to try and figure out exactly what they think of me, and to what degree I can relax with them/in the situation. It's completely exhausting, I never get any answers or make any friends.... Im trying to stop but I don't know how.

**My disclaimer.... Im here trying to figure out if I have mild aspergers. I don't know and Im not claiming anything **



jetbuilder
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24 Apr 2013, 1:16 pm

THIS:
Image


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MathGirl
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24 Apr 2013, 1:17 pm

I usually just blank for a lot of what people are saying, but try to catch something here and there. I then rephrase what I did understand in my own words and ask the person if I understood it correctly. Looking at the mouth and hand movements helps me sometimes, too, but can also get distracting. If it's not something to do with my special interest, I either don't bother or blank completely.


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24 Apr 2013, 1:24 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
"Oh sh**! When is this going to be over?"


Trying to gauge how long I need to stay so it won't look like I'm running away in defeat.
And watching when others begin to leave so I haven't overdone it and somebody asks, "When are you thinking of leaving?"



catwhisperer
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24 Apr 2013, 2:32 pm

How am I going to pull this off?
Is my facial expression appropriate and looking sort of natural?
Am I talking too long?
Is my eye contact passable?
Am I focusing enough on them and not turning the conversation to me?
Repeat of earlier concerns.

If things go well then I get really anxious....goes like this....
Omg they like talking to me!!
I can't keep this going.
Oh no. What did they say?
What am I supposed to say now?



windtreeman
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24 Apr 2013, 2:33 pm

Pretty much what everyone else said. I had to get to know four other people in a really short time period on Monday (for a part time job), so I really tried to reflect on my interactions afterwards. The first thing I notice I do, is try to interject with a funny quip as quickly as possible. Once I do, it's a lot easier to gauge their personality type and see how I should proceed from there. If they don't laugh, I usually try and avoid them as much as possible because then my most useful tool is off the table. Basically, I end up trying to tailor my personality and behavior to every single person, so it's a lot of work remembering how I acted around each individual and trying to maintain some continuity. Sometimes I feel compelled to just be myself, but that's how I lived my childhood and it wasn't terribly successful.


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Martian_Child
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24 Apr 2013, 9:40 pm

One word:

"Uhhhhhhhhh........"



Fnord
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24 Apr 2013, 9:49 pm

It's like suddenly being in the spotlight during a "cattle-call" audition, and hearing a voice say, "Slate and Five Minutes ... ACTION!"



jk1
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24 Apr 2013, 10:21 pm

This person has very visible pores.
Oh, he/she's cratching himself/herself. How off-putting!
Don't look in the eye. Try the mouth.
Should I be listening? But I need to organize my head first.
I must be looking weird.
Should I do shopping today? I wonder if the ice cream is on special this week. What else do I need to buy?
When and how should I end this conversation?
Is this person feeling uncomfortable, too?
etc...



Skilpadde
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25 Apr 2013, 3:30 am

It depends on who I’m talking to. If it’s someone I know well (first degree relatives),I’m focused on what I’m saying (or sometimes I’m more focused on what I’m doing, or thinking about something else; that’s when spoonerisms happen). If I’m talking to someone to find out something, then I’m also preoccupied with what I’m saying.

All other interactions leave my mind blank really, I just try desperately to come up with something, anything, to say at all. It’s like collecting water from a dry well. It’s pretty much down to: “Think of something to say. C’mon, anything will do at this point. There must be something… Uhm… “


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Zodai
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25 Apr 2013, 3:47 am

That fly is getting annoying D:


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chlov
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25 Apr 2013, 5:59 am

Nothing goes through my brain during social interaction.
I lack social skills, so the only thing I can do is acting on my instinct.
And that is what I do. I only act how my instinct tells me to during social interaction.



nessa238
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25 Apr 2013, 6:11 am

Typical thoughts when Interacting with staff in shops, banks etc:-

"I can tell they see me as weird and want this interaction to end quickly; I do as well,
so I can get away from a devaluing interaction"

"I'm evidently not 'normal' enough for them but then they're a generic NT so that's nothing new!"

"they were a lot friendlier toward the person they were talking to before me and I just bet they'll resume the friendly attitude with the next person (I listen as I leave and they often do)"

"why do I have to interact with people like this who make me feel devalued?!"

"why do people have to make social interaction such hard work for me but so easy for others?"

With a lot of social interaction generally:-

"There's that weird expression people often get on their faces when I'm talking, as if I'm coming across
weird/simple-minded to them - it's really off-putting and makes me not want to bother!"


I term this 'the spaccy effect' ie the person seems to be judging how my autistic neurology presents itself on my face in terms
of how I speak, my expression etc - they are definitely focusing on how I'm speaking/coming across more than what I'm saying and it drives me up the wall!



theshawngorton
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25 Apr 2013, 6:23 am

For me, I tend to have thoughts among the likes of:

1 ) Oh crap, someone moved?!
2 ) Food, need it. Where can I get some for cheap?
3 ) I like that song, it's so catchy, it's stuck in my head.
4 ) Wonder if they notice I'm not looking at them in the eye.
5 ) Crap! My (insert body part here) itches....
6 ) Okay, is it okay if my arms are folded? I think it is?
7 ) Huh? What did he/she say? Perhaps I'll just guess, and it'll hopefully be right.
8 ) I must really seem strange.
9) Did I bore them yet? I hope I didn't.
10 ) I....Wait, what?
11 ) Tell me they don't want me to actually do something about this, please.
12 ) I wonder if he/she knows that (insert flawed skin portion/teeth stuff here) is there.
13 ) What if a giant space rock fell on them? Would I stand there? Or would I call for 911?
14 ) Wait, is that (insert name of person I know here)? Wait, I can't tell, they're too far away.
15 ) Wonder if they know what they sound like?
16 ) Guh, this guy/girl really smells.
17 ) How old is this person? If anyone asks, I just met the person.
18 ) Wow, he/she's really boring me now.
19 ) I really like how they sound so interested in me. I hope it's not a facade.
20 ) Uh....When am I supposed to talk? Did I miss a cue for my turn yet?
21 ) What to talk about?
22 ) Someone, call a giant eagle, I want out!
23 ) They don't know how they sound do they?
24 ) Help me, any single person. H-E-L-P M-E.
25 ) Okay, is it an okay time to stop talking yet? Or do I have to keep talking?

Not in that order, but that list is the single most common reoccurring thoughts that occur during social interaction. Hopefully if I focus more on them and not thinking, I can climb this Social Hierarchy. Hopefully, that is.