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Ettina
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01 May 2013, 11:42 am

Does anyone else find that their family members' attempts to prevent a meltdown causes the meltdown to happen?



thomas81
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01 May 2013, 11:45 am

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvdf5n-zI14[/youtube]


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animalcrackers
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01 May 2013, 11:46 am

I don't know -- what kind of attempts? (i.e. what do they do/say?)


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Ettina
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01 May 2013, 12:00 pm

"I don't want to have a fight with you."

Over and over when you're just wanting a logical discussion.



thomas81
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01 May 2013, 12:07 pm

Ettina wrote:
"I don't want to have a fight with you."

Over and over when you're just wanting a logical discussion.


I think thats NT speak for "I don't want to discuss this subject anymore".


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animalcrackers
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01 May 2013, 12:14 pm

Ettina wrote:
"I don't want to have a fight with you."

Over and over when you're just wanting a logical discussion.


I've heard that before. It doesn't usually push me into meltdown state by itself...but when it's been said when I'm already freaked out and overloaded and I really needed to communicate with someone who was acting like I didn't exist, it was "the straw that broke the camel's back".

I never thought of this statement as being used to prevent meltdowns....I don't really see how it could prevent them, or what fighting has to do with meltdowns in the first place (other than being a trigger for them).


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RedwoodCat
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01 May 2013, 12:39 pm

I have this problem with my teenage daughter, even though we are both on the spectrum. She tends to have meltdowns while clothes shopping, so I try and make things easier for her by guiding her to the appropriate section of the store, encouraging sales people to stay away, etc. But this in itself seems to bring on the meltdown. So usually I try to get another person to take her shopping, but lately that hasn't worked out either, and she wants me to start taking her again. We do a lot of shopping over the internet, but some stuff she wants to get in person, and I'm not sure how to handle this. I've gone through this so many times with her, at this point I get nervous just walking into a store with her, which of course she picks up on and it makes things worse. Any advice would be appreciated.


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Ettina
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01 May 2013, 1:06 pm

Quote:
I think thats NT speak for "I don't want to discuss this subject anymore".


But it's my Dad saying it, and he's not NT. I know he means it literally.



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01 May 2013, 5:11 pm

Ettina- I've had this problem many times with my kids. All of us are on the spectrum. The issue is that what seems like a logical discussion to the teenager/young adult, comes across as arguing to the parent. I know with my kids this happens when we disagree about something or another. I will engage in the discussion if I am able, but sometimes it is more than I can handle without getting a meltdown myself, and so I say something like "I do not want to talk about this anymore." In my mind I am thinking "I don't want to fight with you", because that's what it seems like to me, but I have learned to say things in a way that gets better results.

My 25-year-old has learned to deal with this by letting me know he disagrees with me without overwhelming me with all the flaws he sees in my logic. I give him much appreciation for this. My 14-year-old daughter however still gets mad about this, so I have to remove myself from her presence till she calms down.

My fiance tells me to change the subject when I do this myself for any length of time, and if I don't he gets mad which shuts me up quite quickly.

I hope this helps.


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PikachuDenkiNezumi
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23 Oct 2013, 9:12 pm

This is usually how my meltdowns start. My brother's 17, and he can't really seem to grasp what AS is. He hasn't really looked into it, so he doesn't actually know what it is. This results in him being mad at me for things I can't control all of the time, and he always says that he's going to be the bigger person and not argue with me, just when I want a logical discussion. He purposely provokes my meltdowns even worse when I get into them by saying I have anger issues and then occasionally mocking me when I do my rituals or even not understanding sarcasm.

My parents aren't very bad, although they think they can calm me down by just telling me to calm down. It really annoys me when people refuse to take my points into account when I try to have a logical discussion as if my opinions don't matter. Everybody in my house acts this way and it makes things a living hell for me sometimes.

But, that's not very common anymore, at least.



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15 Dec 2015, 9:24 pm

I know same with me Pikachu. Except that it is my sister. It bothers me even more that she pretends to grasp it. Yet she never understands. I also bothers me when she wants things. I can not give her. (Example. A hug.) It makes me Very angry. Also I have problems with my brother who has my Exact same Diagnosis he tend to disagree and try to control me. I tend to meltdown and become aggressive when this happens. It has become a real problem. I also feel like most people expect things I can't achieve. I also hate when people try to control me. I'm also Hypersensitive to everything except Eyesight. I can hear people coming from like 50 feet away. I also have a lot of Problems talking to neurotypicals. I have problems with Hand eye coordination and Motor skills. I also get mad when, My problems with Social skills make me unable to express things like my sensory problems or disability. I also get very angry When people act like Autism is something to be cured or try to act like autism is a bad thing. On the internet a lot of NTs say ingorant things that bother me like "He is a Autist." or He is "Differnet.".


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