Relationships: NT/AS or AS/AS

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Reigh
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02 May 2013, 12:23 am

I'm sure this has probably been asked before, but what type of relationship do you think would have better chance of lasting; two people with AS or a relationship between a Neurotypical person and a person with AS?



redrobin62
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02 May 2013, 2:20 am

If the NT or AS person can accept the various quirks of their AS partner, it should work. I know. This answer is vague, but so was the question.



catwhisperer
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02 May 2013, 11:36 am

I think it depends on the actual people involved. Two aspies might be better able to understand and appreciate each other. But then other aspies might need an understanding NT with similar interests in order to balance things out so to speak.



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02 May 2013, 12:31 pm

I'm in an AS/NVLD relationship that's going very well :)
I think AS/Complementary Disability is a good combination.


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02 May 2013, 1:06 pm

I have had an AS/AS relationship which was a bit of a disaster due to the fact that *neither* of us had enough social imagination to understand how the other was feeling, we'd both dig our heels in about our separate routines which made doing activities together difficult and one person's meltdowns tended to trigger the other person's meltdowns. It was doubly difficult rather than easier.

I've had a fair few short-term relationships with NTs as well and these have generally been easier due to them being able to understand and accommodate my differences. Couldn't say anything about long-term though, as I haven't managed that one yet.



Alynn
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02 May 2013, 1:20 pm

I can't really speak from experience, but my AS boyfriend told me he once took an interest in an AS woman. He didn't like it much, because they were both rather quiet, passive, and lacked initiative. "Nothing got done", in his words, and he prefers a relationship with me. I always found that interesting yet never did quite understand it.



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02 May 2013, 1:25 pm

I'm definitely going to go with AS/AS, as it's the status of my current relationship :D

That said, it usually does depend on the person - you can't figure something like this out on diagnosis alone.


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Cafeaulait
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02 May 2013, 2:24 pm

To be honest, I think I would prefer an NT guy. I think I could have a lot of things in common with another aspie, but at the same time I would lake the social attentiveness of an NT. I need someone to listen to me, to show empathy, affection, attentiveness, etc...



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04 May 2013, 2:21 pm

It depends on the person. Some personalities tend to "click" more than others, regardless of labels. It's all about how well you and the other person get along and are friends with each other, first and foremost. My boyfriend is NT, but he's very understanding of my ASD traits, plus we have incredible interpersonal chemistry.

With that said, I know more AS/AS couples in happy/successful relationships than AS/NT relationships. One couple I know has been together for 5 years. :)


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06 May 2013, 2:00 pm

krazykat wrote:
I think AS/Complementary Disability is a good combination.


This. There's much more than just AS and NT :)



Reigh
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06 May 2013, 11:18 pm

Anomiel wrote:
krazykat wrote:
I think AS/Complementary Disability is a good combination.


This. There's much more than just AS and NT :)


I know :) I included the specifics because the question was specific to my situation. An AS guy told me he has a crush on me even though he has met me only once. He was being incredibly and obnoxiously persistent even after I told him 7 or 8 times that I did not feel the same way and I wanted to use some of your responses to explain to him possible complications and explain to him why our shared social difficulties would be a problem.



R_a_n_d_y
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06 May 2013, 11:23 pm

If both people are willing to accept each other regardless of what handicaps are brought to the table and are willing to work on those differences to make the relationship better over the long term, any combination will work as long as they both want to work at it.

And for me personally in addition to the top part, it'll work if God is at the center of the relationship.

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Anomiel
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06 May 2013, 11:33 pm

Reigh wrote:
Anomiel wrote:
krazykat wrote:
I think AS/Complementary Disability is a good combination.


This. There's much more than just AS and NT :)


I know :) I included the specifics because the question was specific to my situation. An AS guy told me he has a crush on me even though he has met me only once. He was being incredibly and obnoxiously persistent even after I told him 7 or 8 times that I did not feel the same way and I wanted to use some of your responses to explain to him possible complications and explain to him why our shared social difficulties would be a problem.


Ahhh alright.
Just.. Tell him the truth? That you think he's obnoxious (or some kinder variant of that)? I don't think the social difficulties were the reason... You need some rejection-tips, not necessarily reasons why aspies wouldn't work together.



Reigh
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07 May 2013, 12:00 am

The problem is thankfully solved and I informed him that I need to be in a relationship with somone who is patient and can guide me through social situations. We also have no similar interests so i find talking to him rather boring. Also I explained to him that meeting me once and saying at most 5 words to me was not sufficient grounds on which to base his saying that we were "perfect for one another". I fear he greatly idealized me within his mind without actually knowing who I am as a person.

I didn't ask for rejection tips because they wouldn't have worked with this guy. He tried to avoid acknowledging my saying "This relationship is not going to happen because I do not feel the same way." and he continued to speak in a "you and me" context.



Last edited by Reigh on 07 May 2013, 12:16 am, edited 2 times in total.

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07 May 2013, 12:12 am

Whoever was most patient.



1000Knives
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07 May 2013, 12:12 am

Whoever was most patient.