My brain hates itself. What do I do?

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I have just about every learning disablity one can have; I also have aspergers. I am going to be in 11th grade next year and can probably only do 4th grade work. We have looked at every program for specail ed in our area and the bottom line is, I can either do the work; or I can't. It's just that simple. To give you an idea of what I mean when I say my brain hates itself this is what it's like for me:
I'm dyslexic. Thats ok, I can have my school books read to me! Nope. I also have just about no short term memory so I won't remember what is read to me by the next day. But who needs reading? I could specailize in math! Nope. I have dyscaluia. Who needs math? I could be a writter! Not unless it's on a computer, I have dysgraphia. AND on top of all this...I CAN'T PAY ATTENTION! I have ADHD. Who needs school? I could have friends or even a boyfriend! Nope. I have aspergers syndrome. I sometimes don't even remember to look people in the eyes. Couldn't I just be happy with my good family and the fact I can drive my car? I could, but I have depression. I HATE THIS!! !! !! !! I want to be smart! I want to have friends and a boy friend! The only good thing about me is I am not the worst looking person to walk the planet. With long blonde hair, brown eyes and a tall slim body I look like a totally normal person. Maybe even better than a normal person. But what good is that if I can't even graduate high school? I want to do somthing important with my life. I could discover a new planet by working for NASA. Or maybe I could own a biuiness. Maybe I could work in DC and be in charge of public education. Or I could be a therapist for autistic kids. I could even start my own school! But in all honesty, I can't do these things. Who will even consider hiring me if I didn't graduate high school and didn't go to collage. I'm not stupid and I'm not ret*d but I might as well be because I will look no better on paper than someone who is. So is that just it for me? If I don't look good on paper does that mean I have to work at a place like walmart for the rest of my life?

you are still plenty young enough and have so many years ahead of you to find your way in life. trust in the universe.

You don't have to cure cancer or discover a new planet to be a useful and worthwhile person. I can't do these things either. I suck at math so I couldn't go into medicine or science. From what you've written before you love animals, particularly dogs, right? You should work with animals. At the very least you could be a dog groomer. Or you could have your own dog walking business and walk dogs. Some people make decent money that way. At-least you'd enjoy that and you'd contribute something to society and do something nice for some creatures because you'd be gentle and kind to the dogs since you care about them. Also as auntblabby said, you've got ages to figure this all out , you're so young.

Having ASD doesn't mean you can't find friends or a boyfriend. It might take you longer than most people and you might need to take some social skills lessons or read some books on the topic. I didn't have my first real friend until grade 11 (before than I considered acquaintances who didn't bully me to be my friends). You'll probably have some trouble in the relationships though-keeping them is hard. Being pretty is very helpful for a girl in this society, especially in terms of initially making friends or getting a date.

Seems like you and i have similar problems.

Good news is: you do appear smart, and justly frustrated.

Like i said... i have similar problems. They kept me from attaining good grades in school and friends that didn't abuse me. I would hate to tell you that "it will get easier ", but it probably will.

People will always suck, though.

In other words, like me, you're super intelligent, but also an idiot. This is a really hard thing to deal with. There's all this intellect and a brain that doesn't work right and the intellect is glaringly aware of the ineptitude. I have all this too; severe learning disabilities, motor skill dysfunction, ADHD, executive dysfunction, scatterbrained etc. I'm a complete klutz, a social misfit and an academic failure... yet I'm brilliant.

The thing is, you are smart. Probably too smart for your own good under the circumstances. That's why you're so aware of your neurological disabilities and why thay drive you nuts.

I remember once hearing someone say, "my brain is like a computer; but it's broken".

IT SUCKS.

But you can still enjoy life as I do. I may be a "failure" and a "loser" according to society, but I'm also quite happy and content overall these days. I live a fairly simple and easy going life, that some "successful" people envy.

Mm, yeah, it does get easier. The teen years are probably the hardest of your life. Not to say it'll be really simple, but it'll be a bit easier, at least. And even depression gets easier to cope with as you learn about how to get through it without losing too much time.

Don't worry about being the best at anything. There's seven billion people out there; there's always somebody better, usually a lot of somebodies, and it's not something to be ashamed of, not to be smashingly good at something. All you've got to do is find something you like to do, and do that. You shouldn't listen to people who say that you aren't successful unless you're good at something on that arbitrary list of things. What if you found a job that wasn't glamorous or prestigious, but that you liked to do and could do well? You'd be just as happy with that. Happiness doesn't depend on having status or money; but it is very closely related to having a sense of purpose. I think you should toss the assumptions about what "successful" is supposed to be, and find something you just like to do. Try lots of different things; often times volunteer work can help you get experience, or you can talk to people with different jobs and ask them what it's like to do the work they do. A job can be quite mundane and still be satisfying and useful. I know this, because I've worked as a janitor and painted walls and worked in a cafeteria, and each time there was always the satisfaction of doing something useful, and doing it well. I'm not truly employable yet because I tend to burn out and become unable to work within three months--but then, I didn't learn to drive a car until I was 25, either, so I suspect you're probably a good bit ahead of me as far as employability goes.

Does your school have OTs or similar people who can help you transition into the workplace? You're in high school and they should be offering those sorts of services. There are jobs you can do straight out of high school; other jobs require an apprenticeship; there's the option of an associate's degree or certificate, but it really just depends on what you want to do. Find something practical. Keep trying things until you find something you can do, something you can take pride in. If you really can't go to college, or don't want to go, that doesn't mean you are going to work at Wal-Mart whether you like it or not. There are many other jobs that need to be done, and one of them should fit you.

I'm also screwed up in the head. The worst part is our medical system is a drug company-run piece of garbage and our near-useless doctors don't do anything except get temperamental and tell you it's anxiety/depression.

One thing I recommend for you is to drop the dairy; especially milk. That stuff gives me crazy adhd and memory problems. You'll do so much better without that crap, you can get calcium from lettuce and vegetables. I also have MS-like symptoms and many of you autistics might have it also.

Try to emphasize foods that contain high-folate such as spinach or lentils; this is particularly important because many autistics have a folate metabolic disorder which leads to hosts of problems.

Have you tried arts?

That's the way, get it all out.

What do ADHD meds to for dyscalculia? I feel pretty much like an idiot whenever someone asks me to solve an equation, even if it's just adding two numbers together. Thing is, on meds I can learn how to do math but in practice even on meds I just can't do it. It's like it takes a whole lot more effort than most other people.

I know what it feels like to want to achieve something but always having some barrier up in the way.

There's got to be something out there you can be good at. You just need to find it. It took me years. I certainly had no interest in it when I was 16.

Best of luck to you. What are your interests, by the way? If possible you can centre a career around one of them.

I'm always learning new words here for my disabilities.

I'd just like to mention that even if you were behind in every cognitive skill, you'd still be a worthwhile person. Your worth is not determined by what you can do.

I don't have much advice, but it does seem that your school is failing you in not providing appropriate accommodations.

Absolutely. No one should have to justify their existence like that.

Is this a fact? . Before this week when I found WP I was doing a lot of reading about MS. I thought I might have it.
I get a lot of cramp, joint pain, numbness ,tingling , weekness in my left side . My left arm can go numb for up to a week and sometimes look like I have had a stroke as the left side of my mouth gets pulled down .

This all started about ten years ago , could it be related to my posable AS?? I would realy like to know as it as all been scaring the life out of me .

Sorry about hijacking you'r thread . I would just like to know as I have not heard this before and could bring it up with my doc as he is trying to figure out my physical problems

Also anyone know if a head injury can worsen AS as I had the right side of my face crushed in 15 years ago and this has had a big impact on how I cope with things

Well the numbness and weakness on the left side may have to do with the accident that injured the right side of your brain. Maybe you should try blueberry juice since that's good for repair.

If you have MS-like symptoms then dairy should be giving you brain fog, cloudy thinking, spaciness, memory problems and things like that. But then you should feel better when you back of the dairy.

The problem is dairy is a problem for me .I have to eat a cheese sandwich every day .If I don't I can ... Well it's not good anyway It's just about the only thing I can eat most days , that and beans