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momof1
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08 May 2013, 10:30 am

My son is in second grade and has Asperger's, and I am having an issue at school and hoping someone can offer a suggestion. I just received a call from my son's principal. He is in in school suspension because he was apparently rude to the substitute teacher yesterday. We have had this issue before. My problem, though, is that I don't think he realizes he is being rude! I know he sometimes seems like he is being rude to me and to others, but I don't think he understands that it is rude. When I point out something is rude to him, he will act surprised and ask why it is rude. For example, this morning one of the high school teachers said, "Hi Kid. How are you?" He replied with "Don't call me that." It wasn't his name, he didn't know her, and he didn't like being called that. He didn't seem to realize he was being rude. I am working on teaching him what is rude and what isn't. However, I hate to see him get in trouble all the time at school for something he can't really help! There are times when he gets angry and can be a little hateful, and I completely understand him getting in trouble in those instances. This isn't the case most of the time though. It is usually just him being blunt or matter-of-fact and being perceived as rude. I don't want to make excuses for him, and I want him to learn so he isn't taken as being rude. But I don't want him in trouble all the time while he is learning. Any suggestions?? I am meeting today with the special education director to see if we can get him an IEP, but she hasn't been very helpful so far (tried telling me two years ago when he got diagnosed that he didn't actually have Asperger's/autism because he communicated well verbally) so I'm not sure how that is going to go. I'm sorry this is so long. I just want the best for my kiddo and this site seems like it could be pretty helpful!



Zodai
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08 May 2013, 11:06 am

As for denying the professional diagnosis, I'd either bring the actual paper itself, or drag the entire doctor in to meet.

As for the other stuff - from what I can tell, schools are generally hit or miss with Aspies, depending on how well they mesh with the student.

Nothing else I can figure out ><

BTW, I'll be requesting that this get moved to the parents' forum. More people who can help there.


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Cornflake
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08 May 2013, 11:11 am

[Moved from School and College Life to Parents' Discussion]


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YippySkippy
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08 May 2013, 11:35 am

My DS is in second grade, too. I would be livid if his school pulled something like that. I'm a little livid just reading your post.

1. Rude = suspension?? Really? For a second-grader? That is a grossly inappropriate punishment for what must surely have been a minor infraction.
2. Substitutes suck. When my son was in kindergarten, a substitute left him in the hallway alone and he went outside and ran around the school's front yard all by himself.

I would be in the principal's office, in person, today. Both the sub and the principal are way out of line, IMHO. If the substitute can't handle dealing with an AS child, then they shouldn't be teaching in your son's classroom. The sub needs to leave, not the child!



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08 May 2013, 11:40 am

momof1 wrote:
I am meeting today with the special education director to see if we can get him an IEP, but she hasn't been very helpful so far (tried telling me two years ago when he got diagnosed that he didn't actually have Asperger's/autism because he communicated well verbally) so I'm not sure how that is going to go. I'm sorry this is so long. I just want the best for my kiddo and this site seems like it could be pretty helpful!


Your child probably has a pragmatic speech disorder, which the school probably can treat (if you are in the US, almost all schools have an on-site speech therapist.) Send a request to the school IN WRITING that you want your son assessed for autism, and you want to have his speech tested for a pragmatics deficit. http://www.asha.org/public/speech/devel ... matics.htm It is a common component of Asperger's syndrome - inappropriate "rude" reactions are a possible symptom.

Wherever you got your professional assessment most likely can offer you an advocate to bring to the meeting with the SPED teacher. Pragmatics and other functional skills are covered under IDEA; here's an example of some functional communication goals that could be delivered under an IEP (and not a 504 plan, which is what they most likely will try to push you towards) http://mcdj.files.wordpress.com/2010/03 ... l-bank.pdf

The first thing I would do is send the school principal and the SPED teacher a formal letter stating you want an in-school evaluation. In the US, they are required to perform the evaluation within 60 days or within your state's timeframe. Here's a really great overview of the process: http://nichcy.org/schoolage/evaluation



ASDMommyASDKid
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08 May 2013, 3:42 pm

Yeah... That is insane. I think you need to do as Momsparky suggested and push for pragmatic speech and stress you expect an accommodation for issues with pragmatic speech issues. My son's school doesn't really know what they are doing all the time, but even they know not to punish b/c of speech issues like that. (of course we have an IEP) if you get this documented as a bone fide disability they will have to be more careful about this.

If my son got punished every time he didn't say "thank you" or "Yes, Ma'am" my 2nd grader would have punishments until HS graduation.



Gethersno
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13 May 2013, 2:20 pm

I would formally request an evaluation. It is best to do this either in the form of an email (many can have notification of arrival/opening) or a letter that is signed for to verify delivery. According to IDEA they have 60 days to complete the evaluation. When I did this for my son, I did include a copy of the report from the team that diagnosed him initially. The child should be evaluated by a psychologist, speech language pathologist, occupational and physical therapists.

This late in the school year they may try to blow you off. Check with your state dept of education as to if they are allowed to put if off till next school year. If they refuse anything, file a formal complaint.

Time to pull out mommy-monster and take no prisoners.



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13 May 2013, 5:04 pm

I started being rude when I started talking, and I often said things that were considered rude, but I had no idear that any of it was rude.

Teachers should be aware that kids like your son don't know that what they said was rude.


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14 May 2013, 6:13 am

I can't give any helpful advice, since I'm not a parent. I just wanted to say that I'm considered rude all the time, just because I say stuff a little bluntly ( I have asperger's). Being abled to say what I need and making sure I get it has helped me loads. Professionals who know me dare not pull the same kind of sh*t to me that they pull to other aspie clients, because everyone knows I'd raise hell about it. So a bit of rudeness is often needed to get stuff done.



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14 May 2013, 6:30 am

Quote:
For example, this morning one of the high school teachers said, "Hi Kid. How are you?" He replied with "Don't call me that." It wasn't his name, he didn't know her, and he didn't like being called that. He didn't seem to realize he was being rude.
From my oppinion he wasnt, but she was, but grown up dont like to be told that they are wrong from kids, because according to the chimpladder, children are seen lower. ^^ I had an comparable experience with a teacher from another class as kid.

I think trying to explain these situations simply is too complicated around his age. So he is right, the teacher was wrong and he had the rigth to tell her so, from a morale view. From a realistic NT view including the chimpladder stuff, it was due to NT rules rude of him telling her, that she was wrong, even when she did wrong, simply because she is a teacher and can f**k him up if she wants, and so according to the chimpladder rules he is expected to be polite to her, even when she is actually doing him wrong. So even if she is wrong and he is right, he should not tell her so, out of the wrong cause, that she simply has power over him and can ruin his school life. I think it is pretty hard to explain all of this to a small boy so maybe you can shorten it with:

It isnt logic and it isnt right, but you can choose between comforting your teacher, even when she is doing you wrong or demanding on your rights to tell her that she made a mistake, but then you have to accept that she can act like a b***h against you. I know its harsh, because we all want to tell our children that everything is nice, and everyone is nice, and there are no bad people and everyone should act as it is morally right. But thats simply not reality. :(



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15 May 2013, 4:49 pm

I was once suspended in elementary school for not saying hi to a teacher, who in turn sent me to the principles office for not saying hi which sent me into a shut down which led to my suspension. it was completely unreasonable. I actually ran into my old principle a few years back and one of the first things he said to me was that he apologized for how he overreacted in that incident.



Gethersno
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16 May 2013, 2:28 pm

I am glad he apologized. I am hopeful more and more that people are starting to understand that everyone is different. My son (almost 17) would shutdown when he was younger. It was a bad physiological response. Now he tends to explode verbally. He has sensory issues, like many, and has a hard time with extra noise in the classrooms, not to mention kids disrespecting the teachers.