Is it best to keep having AS a secret

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I have AS and do have some difficulty carrying conversation and fitting in with my peers. However I would say that I have developed control over most of my obvious signs of Autism to the point that very few have ever figured out I have AS until I have told them. The issue with making it open to everyone about my AS (whether I tell them or not as word gets around) is that while my friends are accepting and used to my disorder, others I think seem to look at me differently. While I do understand why they would be like this since many aren't properly educated on AS, I don't appreciate feeling that others may see me as ret*d or sub-human. I like to be one of those people who are very open about themselves but should AS be something that I should keep between my family, close friends, and I?

I've told people I know that my behaviours can best be explained by the fact I have Asperger's and they consequently (and promptly) ignore me. Seriously. They drop me like a hot potato, like they don't want to deal with it. Such is life.

Of course, if you can pass as a normal, fully functional person, there is no reason to tell others about your condition. Personally, I feel that showing any weaknesses causes them to be exploited by others. Although it has some positives, AS is a negative psychological condition and labeling yourself as with the condition by making it public to others traps you in that personality. This causes you to face the doubts, stigma and misunderstanding that others inflict upon you for having it. Not making it public gives you the opportunity to start a fresh person making it much easier to change the perception of what you are to what you really want to become (your ideal self).

All of the above advice you have received is incredibly good.

redrobin62 says ....

I've told people I know that my behaviours can best be explained by the fact I have Asperger's and they consequently (and promptly) ignore me. Seriously. They drop me like a hot potato, like they don't want to deal with it. Such is life.

end of quote.

Yes, they'll be on you like a pack of wolves for their sport if you are at school, alternatively as an adult you will be marginalised, frozen out; even your blood kin will not be able to understand the predicament. My childhood was hell and became increasingly worse till I was able to leave school in '74..... no sense of parental warmth or guidance or role model, a couple of dummies. Consequently I don't place too much value to humankind or their presence. I am lucky in that i have been able to be self employed most of my adult life, most folk just see me as frendly, fast, efficient, talented. I never 'hang out' with others, never likely to happen and to me is certainly a 'danger situation', more likely to be difficult and a discomfort than anything positive. Not even my wife cld understand the aspi idea when i found it in the back of the Guardian newspaper, has taken her fifteen years to even accept it ... and she works in the so called caring professions.

Woah ... big subject, my past. I've spent all my life constructing something new, to forget, to be the man my father never was.

I wld say knowing about the work of Hans Asperger has allowed me to understand myself, to place value on my own instincts and judgement; tho i doubt many professionals if any at all have the insight I do.

Good luck ... and be careful !

Yes, and regrettably, like previous posters, I have to agree with you. What a negative commentary that people just cannot seem to accept differences in others, even if those differences can have real advantages! redrobin62: sorry they dropped you like a hot potato....ouch. I know! Just tell them you're too hot for them

I read a news story about a rare albino moose in the wild. She was beautiful! And different. You'd think people would protect her, even want to admire her difference, yes? No. Instead, some idiot poacher shot her for the novelty.

From what I've learned (the bitter way), I no longer believe disclosure is appropriate at all. Disclosure is only as good as the person to whom you're disclosing it and that's too big of a gamble.

No reason to tell since lots of people that get passed off as being "NTs" probably aren't NT in the first place. For example, they might have an undiagnosed personality-disorder of some sort, or a mild version of some other mental disorder that's undiagnosed.

No need to tell anyone unless there is a specific circumstance that would make telling someone actually yield more benefits to YOU. My symptoms, so to speak, would be considered mild in that I am very adaptable. I've shared it with inlaws for example after they witnessed a few meltdowns. I wouldn't recommend sharing it casually ever: take into consideration whatever circumstance is at hand and ALWAYS educate the person you share it with to prevent false ideas the may develope about it. You can always share a sympton without sharing your full diagnosis. I had to tell someone that i have difficulty. with faces after an embarrasing event, but i didn't go into anything deeper than that.

and for the record, AS is not psychological. Its neurological . A.nd personally I don't think its notably negative (or positive for that matter) its a little of both. it just comes with challenges because we're a minority in a world that developes itself to suite the majorities.
peace.

I am an NT that got involved with an Aspie that should have told me. I feel betrayed by him because I would have not gotten into a relationship with him until I understood about AS. He doesnt really want to have a relationship if the other person wants it but if they are aloof to him he charms and courts them like no other man I have seen in my life. If he had told me, I would have not ignored him has we were friends in HS. He wanted to date in HS but I always saw him as a player moving from one girl to the next girl to the next so I was always just friends with him. We got back in touch after 30 years so I thought he had changed by the way he courted me and made me is special interest or obession for a time. It was only when I asked him to define our relationship did he isolate himself from me by not communicating with me. It has been two months since I heard from him. I feel that if he would have told me up front I would have been a great friend for him. I now am so hurt by how I am being treated that I am just leaving him alone. I have texted and email a few times but he has not responded. I think to be fair to people I think they need to be told. It is just the roll of the dice if they do not want to stay your friend. If they do not want to be friends then they are to shallow of people and it is not worth having them as friends.

regrettably, there is still a stigma on aspergers/autism.
while i dont recommend actively keeping your condition a secret, you shouldn't flaunt it about either.
if you find yourself interacting with that group often, disclose some of your relevant symptoms without going in too much detail; if the group knows about aspergers, you'll notice and can go into full disclosure

Usually I only reveal my ASD to someone I suspect or know is on the spectrum. Mostly this is due to the fact that I can pass for normal in many situations and view it as a 'need to know' basis.

That being said, I've never been burnt by those I've revealed my condition to either.

I'm going to agree that it's probably a bad idea unless you're very close to someone. The popular opinion seems to be that people claim to have autism to get away with acting like jerks, and that's likely what they'll think of you. If they do believe you they'll just treat you like you're generally stupid, unless they are really familiar with autism (and possibly even if they are).

I only tell my closest friends (who happen to be very understanding people). In most cases I find it's not necessary to tell.

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A smile costs nothing

I only have told people who have been nice and I feel are cloise friends and told them not to tell anyone else because its for me to decide who I tell.

I felt guilty not telling them and felt better for telling them

Just don't. It may help in the beginning, but eventually it will worn out or people will use it against you.
You should only tell it to people who are very close to you, whom will accept who you are.