Stop trying to be one of the Sheeple and do your own thing!

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Geekonychus
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15 May 2013, 12:00 pm

This is not a response to just one thread but to the multiple threads that have popped up recently with discussions about leagues, nerds, double standards, shallowness, etc from some very bitter people.

I had a date last night (we've been on several) and we were able to work through some of our unease. We both admitted that we liked each other but weren't that comfortable with each other for some reason. Just by talking and confronting it we ended up being able to get to a better place in our relationship. What I began to realize is that in many ways I'm significantly more emotionally mature than most people as the ability to communicate openly and honestly (including airing one's own insecurities and desires directly) is actually quite rare among the general populace. However, it's something that I can do relatively easily around people I'm comfortable with.

While these are generalizations, typical "casual dating" rules involve a high emphasis on physical attraction, mind games and relationship rules that make little real sense. The only successful relationships I've had have spawned from dates that didn't follow these rules. Because the truth is, while I can put on a mask for a while, It's exhausting and you shouldn't have to do it for any real relationship, romantic or otherwise. This is something that the many successful Aspie relationship stories on this board have already proven.

That's why I find it so distressing to see people on here who complain about these rules and the shallowness of them only to turn around and use the same shallow standards for themselves. This includes a large amount of fat-shaming and emphasis on looks over personality in particular. Do you guys not see the irony in some of the things you say?

I think the biggest problem with Aspie dating is when they decide the only way for them to be romantically successful is to conform to arbitrary NT social norms that are routed in shallow ableism and sexism. You're playing thier game with the cards stacked against you and then wonder why you are losing. Wake up people.......



Last edited by Geekonychus on 15 May 2013, 2:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The_Funktasm
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15 May 2013, 12:22 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
This is not a response to just one thread but to the multiple threads that have popped up recently with discussions about leagues, nerds, double standards, shallowness, etc from some very bitter people (or in Boo's case, very facetious people.)

I had a date last night (we've been on several) and we were able to work through some of our unease. We both admitted that we liked each other but weren't that comfortable with each other for some reason. Just by talking and confronting it we ended up being able to get to a better place in our relationship. What I began to realize is that in many ways I'm significantly more emotionally mature than most people as the ability to communicate openly and honestly (including airing one's own insecurities and desires directly) is actually quite rare among the general populace. However, it's something that I can do relatively easily around people I'm comfortable with.

While these are generalizations, typical "casual dating" rules involve a high emphasis on physical attraction, mind games and relationship rules that make little real sense. The only successful relationships I've had have spawned from dates that didn't follow these rules. Because the truth is, while I can put on a mask for a while, It's exhausting and you shouldn't have to do it for any real relationship, romantic or otherwise. This is something that the many successful Aspie relationship stories on this board have already proven.

That's why I find it so distressing to see people on here who complain about these rules and the shallowness of them only to turn around and use the same shallow standards for themselves. This includes a large amount of fat-shaming and emphasis on looks over personality in particular. Do you guys not see the irony in some of the things you say?

I think the biggest problem with Aspie dating is when they decide the only way for them to be romantically successful is to conform to arbitrary NT social norms that are routed in shallow ableism and sexism. You're playing thier game with the cards stacked against you and then wonder why you are losing. Wake up people.......


It has been getting to me too.


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Geekonychus
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15 May 2013, 12:34 pm

The_Funktasm wrote:
It has been getting to me too.
Par for the course with this board, unfortunately. :(



appletheclown
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15 May 2013, 12:51 pm

I don't care about fashion. I wear a backwards hunter's orange bomber cap, an upland hunting vest, jeans, and a long sleeved t-shirt with hunting boots, and I don't care what anyone thinks.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzY2Qcu5i2A[/youtube]


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appletheclown
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15 May 2013, 12:54 pm

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRGrNDV2mKc[/youtube]


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appletheclown
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15 May 2013, 1:12 pm

Image

Tony Stark's middle age burnout.


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Last edited by appletheclown on 15 May 2013, 2:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Geekonychus
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15 May 2013, 1:14 pm

I can't view videos on my work computer but I'm sure they're Ballin'........



appletheclown
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15 May 2013, 1:25 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
I can't view videos on my work computer but I'm sure they're Ballin'........


They are music vids.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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15 May 2013, 1:43 pm

Geekon, I have lived your method for almost 29 years, after that I just became a little bit more conformist, and it paid off to an extent (still have loads to learn, I am still way behind in comparaison to my age).

Not going back to my exact old self Geekon, things change, people change too. I am not going backward.



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 May 2013, 2:42 pm

Btw, I kinda feel unfairly insulted by mentioning my name in your thread and associating me to being a "Sheeple" and "wearing a mask."


All I did is just tweaks in some areas, it's not like I am a totally different person now, I just changed barely like 10% of myself: I simply stopped being so Love Shy, started to talk with women more comfortably, took attention bit more on clothing, started to drive, went to gym, used lenses in special events.
Other than that what? My interests remained the same.

As a someone born in a very religious area, and in a fairly religious family, in a sect whom 90% of them love Hezbollah and hail death the west to death, never shared their views on other nations/religions, nor I even followed their religion, as a somone who clashed with his family on many matters (mostly about my atheism, and my it didn't fully recover ever since), "Sheeple" and 'wearing the mask' are the last labels to be associated with me.

What do you know about me? Other than L&D's issues, hm?



Geekonychus
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15 May 2013, 2:50 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Geekon, I have lived your method for almost 29 years, after that I just became a little bit more conformist, and it paid off to an extent (still have loads to learn, I am still way behind in comparaison to my age).

Not going back to my exact old self Geekon, things change, people change too. I am not going backward.
I'm not saying that we should not strive to change ourselves if there is something we aren't satisfied with, It's about finding a place where you're comfortable with yourself. You sound like you're on the right track actually.

That being said, being more conformist may help you get dates but it won't help you with the actual relationship part. If you can't be your true self around the person, they aren't right for you and it will wear on you eventually. You don't want to end up like one of the miserable and emotionally abused divorcee Aspies that you see in the haven, do you?



Last edited by Geekonychus on 15 May 2013, 3:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Popsicle
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15 May 2013, 2:52 pm

Well said, OP.

Honestly, after I read the latest batch of fat shaming and misogyny I felt very depressed. It's just...bleak.



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 May 2013, 2:55 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Geekon, I have lived your method for almost 29 years, after that I just became a little bit more conformist, and it paid off to an extent (still have loads to learn, I am still way behind in comparaison to my age).

Not going back to my exact old self Geekon, things change, people change too. I am not going backward.
I'm not saying that we should not strive to change ourselves if there is something we aren't satisfied with, It's about finding a place where you're comfortable with yourself. You sound like you're on the right track actually.

That being said, being more conformist may help you get dates but it won't help you with the actual relationship part. If you can't be your true self around the person, they aren't right for you and it will wear on you eventually. You don't want to end up like one of the miserable and emotionally abused divorcee Aspies that you see in the haven, do you?


btw, hell, I wasn't even ok with most atheists since they were all militant and preaching atheism like a religion.

Anyway, back to your reply.

Why are you implying that I wasn't being my true self on dates? Whom else I was there? Napoleon Bonaparte?


And a question: how long you have been dating this young woman?



Geekonychus
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15 May 2013, 3:04 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Btw, I kinda feel unfairly insulted by mentioning my name in your thread and associating me to being a "Sheeple" and "wearing a mask."

All I did is just tweaks in some areas, it's not like I am a totally different person now, I just changed barely like 10% of myself: I simply stopped being so Love Shy, started to talk with women more comfortably, took attention bit more on clothing, started to drive, went to gym, used lenses in special events.
Other than that what? My interests remained the same.

As a someone born in a very religious area, and in a fairly religious family, in a sect whom 90% of them love Hezbollah and hail death the west to death, never shared their views on other nations/religions, nor I even followed their religion, as a somone who clashed with his family on many matters (mostly about my atheism, and my it didn't fully recover ever since), "Sheeple" and 'wearing the mask' are the last labels to be associated with me.

What do you know about me? Other than L&D's issues, hm?


There was a missunderstanding in my post. When I called you out I made sure to mention that your comments come across as less bitter and more "facetious" (amusing and not meant to be taken seriously or literally.) I didn't mean it to be disrespecting, I was actually trying to point out how you were different from the norm here.

I think what you're doing is a very good thing. You aren't a different person but you're putting a small amount of effort into improving things that you feel you were deficient in while still remaining true to yourself. I'm doing the same thing. Next time I make a post like this I'll be sure to mention "being more like Boo" as a piece of advice.



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15 May 2013, 3:09 pm

I'm so good at being myself people don't like me.