HFA Normal To Only Talk About Special Interests?

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Pondering
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16 May 2013, 10:56 am

Is it normal for HFA people to mainly talk about their special interest/s and very little of other things? I know someone who I believe may be a High Functioning Autistic. They have very narrow interests, but when I first met them, they seemed to have more varied interests. Most of what we talk about now is anime. Anime is not something that I get a lot out of so I find it hard to keep talking about it so often. I have many special interests/obsession and anime is not one of them, but I am not opposed to it. I'm open to talking about anime and participating in activities that involve anime sometimes. When I try to speak of other things though, many times I can see in their face, that they feel lost and would like to talk about Anime some more, or kind of just be alone and take a breather for awhile, because talking about things other than anime can be stressful and confusing. Even very light hearted and silly talks... which is my preferred style of IRL chatter as it lightens the mood, but not so much in this case I guess.


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31 Mar 2019, 11:10 am

That's the only thing I DID talk about with other people


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Joe90
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31 Mar 2019, 3:57 pm

I used to have obsessions and I'd talk a lot about them to my close relatives, but it was an impulsive thing with me. The urge to talk about my obsessions was like an itch, and talking about them was like scratching the itch. I knew people didn't want to hear about my obsessions day and night, but it was an unbearable urge I had. I don't know if that is why other Aspies talk about their obsessions/special interests?
I didn't talk about them much to friends or colleagues, but I still used to subtly bring them up without making it obvious that I was obsessed.


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01 Apr 2019, 12:23 pm

That's what I do but if you pay attention, you'll notice I'm using it symbolically to talk about a whole range of things. I hate abstract conversation but want to talk about deep things and pressing matters. I hate going personal, as well.



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02 Apr 2019, 3:27 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I used to have obsessions and I'd talk a lot about them to my close relatives, but it was an impulsive thing with me. The urge to talk about my obsessions was like an itch, and talking about them was like scratching the itch. I knew people didn't want to hear about my obsessions day and night, but it was an unbearable urge I had. I don't know if that is why other Aspies talk about their obsessions/special interests?
I didn't talk about them much to friends or colleagues, but I still used to subtly bring them up without making it obvious that I was obsessed.


I simply didn't care if I seemed obsessed. If other people didn't want to hear about them, they weren't my friends. If talking about my special interests all the time was going to loose me friends than so be it. I was happier alone with my special interests anyway. My closest friends were those who let me talk about my special interests, my bearded dragon and my boyfriend anyway.


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Joe90
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02 Apr 2019, 3:47 pm

Well, I know how people would feel hearing someone keep on about something you're not interested in. It can be monotonous hearing a person talking about the same subject that you're not the least bit interested in. It's OK to talk about an obsession in moderation.


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04 Apr 2019, 4:02 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Well, I know how people would feel hearing someone keep on about something you're not interested in. It can be monotonous hearing a person talking about the same subject that you're not the least bit interested in. It's OK to talk about an obsession in moderation.



If I "couldn't" talk about my special interests, I didn't want to talk to the other person. That simple. If they didn't want to talk to me, that was fine too. I rarely wanted to talk to people in the first place.


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Joe90
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05 Apr 2019, 12:14 pm

MagicMeerkat wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Well, I know how people would feel hearing someone keep on about something you're not interested in. It can be monotonous hearing a person talking about the same subject that you're not the least bit interested in. It's OK to talk about an obsession in moderation.



If I "couldn't" talk about my special interests, I didn't want to talk to the other person. That simple. If they didn't want to talk to me, that was fine too. I rarely wanted to talk to people in the first place.


I had a friend when I was a teenager who did not let me talk about my obsession at all, not even one word about it. If I did mention them, she gave me the silent treatment for a few minutes, which was very awkward when I was alone with her, like at her house. I do think that's overreacting a bit. One time at school we had to design a front cover for our projects on the computer, and I came up with my title written on a cartoon brick wall, with a picture of a little cartoon man painting the last letter of the title on to the brick wall. I thought it was very creative, but because my obsession was related to a man I knew (and had a crush on) who was a window-cleaner, my friend got angry and said, "you only wanted a design like that because that cartoon man looks a bit like a window-cleaner!" But honestly my creative design idea had nothing to do with my obsession. So she was even accusing me of bringing up my obsession when I was not bringing it up at all. I had to trend on eggshells and carefully make sure I didn't breathe a word of my obsession. In a way it trained me to resist talking about my obsessions to future friends, but in another way I do think she was being mean.


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10 Apr 2019, 7:01 pm

I've mostly just kept to myself & didn't talk much to anyone about my interests. There's not a lot I think about besides my special interests thou so I imagine I would have a harder time than most talking about other things due to being out of the loop so to speak.


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19 Apr 2019, 6:06 am

Joe90 wrote:
I had a friend when I was a teenager who did not let me talk about my obsession at all, not even one word about it. If I did mention them, she gave me the silent treatment for a few minutes, which was very awkward when I was alone with her, like at her house. I do think that's overreacting a bit. One time at school we had to design a front cover for our projects on the computer, and I came up with my title written on a cartoon brick wall, with a picture of a little cartoon man painting the last letter of the title on to the brick wall. I thought it was very creative, but because my obsession was related to a man I knew (and had a crush on) who was a window-cleaner, my friend got angry and said, "you only wanted a design like that because that cartoon man looks a bit like a window-cleaner!" But honestly my creative design idea had nothing to do with my obsession. So she was even accusing me of bringing up my obsession when I was not bringing it up at all. I had to trend on eggshells and carefully make sure I didn't breathe a word of my obsession. In a way it trained me to resist talking about my obsessions to future friends, but in another way I do think she was being mean.
I would say this is not an abnormal level of obsession at all. It looks to me like this "friend" was spending time with you just to control what you did and talked about. Perhaps you were allowing yourself to be controlled like that, so she kept doing it? Even the most seemingly original ideas come from people's experiences and current thoughts. I have definitely come across people without any conditions having person fixations like that, too. It does not even sound like it was a bad thing to have this preoccupation in your case, either.

Re: the original post (which is somehow from 2013 and the next reply is from 2019?), it is common for HFA people to go on about their special interest or just a fixation of some sort, definitely. I think it is a comfort thing to an extent, perhaps also an outcome of not being able to adjust and respond to what people are doing and saying in the moment. Having a continuous train of thought running in your head that does not need to be redirected in any way is just so much easier and I think that's how our brains are wired, with our hyperfocus and all. So I respect people talking about their obsession, but I know not all people do, even some who are on the spectrum who perhaps have competing obsessions :wink:

One thing that helps me tune into a variety of topics is to try to find a connection between my interest and the other person's interest or whatever they are talking about. It can be tricky, especially in the moment, but very helpful and productive in the end for fostering a more meaningful connection with the person.


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