New and seeking help and advice

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Pandora
Veteran
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Joined: 17 Jun 2005
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,553
Location: Townsville

23 Jan 2007, 6:47 am

I rarely told outright lies but sometimes omitted information. The main time I was "economical with the truth" was when I wanted not to get into trouble for something.


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chrishrfrd
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Joined: 25 Dec 2006
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24 Jan 2007, 9:00 am

Hello Vetty,
I am an adult man with AS. I used to tell a lot of lies when I never felt supported or was worried about something. I think he may be lacking the feeling of security. You have been given a lot of very good advise. I was very drawn to the words of ster. I liked your description of things very much.
You also used the term normal somewhere in there. Meaning what 50% or more of the population are doing. Don't assume that what is prefered and considered normal to you is what he aspires to be. I personally couldn't think of anything worse than being considered normal. What is normal to you will never be normal to me, quite often I would see these preferences as mundaine. I don't wish to be anything like what the majority figures is preferable to them. To me these taken for granted expectations and considered norms are simplistic and a whole lot of other things that I won't list because I wouldn't want you to think I was being rude, which I am not meaning to sound.
Don't try to change him at all. Validate what is his reality. There is nothing worse than having your reality denied.
He was perfect when he was born and he is still perfect now. He hasn't changed his situations have. If you validate what is his reality I figure he will stop manipulating yours to bring attention to his.

hope this helps you... Chris.



miriam
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Joined: 28 Jan 2007
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29 Jan 2007, 1:17 pm

Vetty-

2 thoughts:

A general parenting tip I have read when it comes to children who are lying (NT kids lie, too!) is, when possible, don't set up the lie. If the room is a mess and you know it could only have been that kid, don't ask if he did it. You're begging for a lie. Just tell him to clean it up.

That may cut down on the lies, but obviously doesn't get to the root of the problem.

If the lying is acting out because he's upset about the changes in his life, perhaps a therapist with experience with kids with asperger's can help. His parents got divorced, his mother doesn't see him much because she's not comfortable with him and he has moved into a new household with a whole bunch of new people, including his father's girlfiend. What kid wouldn't find this a lot to deal with?