I am tired of people treating me like I am slow

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azaam
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21 May 2013, 2:51 pm

People treat me like I am slow because I am quiet and stutter.

Does anybody get treated like this too?


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Last edited by azaam on 21 May 2013, 4:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

jk1
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21 May 2013, 3:24 pm

I understand your frustration. People often jump to a conclusion besed on superficial things without really knowing you. Some people treat me in that way, too.



UDG
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21 May 2013, 4:32 pm

I sometimes feel like I'm treated like I'm incapable. Lots of people don't know half as much as they think they do, and don't go to the trouble to find out.



1401b
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21 May 2013, 4:40 pm

azaam wrote:
People treat me like I am slow because I am quiet and stutter.

Does anybody get treated like this too?


   I assume this displeases you.
   if it's truly 'because...' then stop doing the 'because'.

see how easy that was!

-----------------
Nothing's really quite that easy, but it probably is that simple.

Why are you quiet and why do you stutter? For real. The super-real, painful, hardcore reason.
Are you trying to get them to treat you gently?
Does treat you gently look anything like treat you like you're slow.
-----------------

what does treat you like you're slow look like?
and
What do you want them to treat you like?
-----------------

People judge a book by it's cover. You can use that 'reflex' for your own happiness (or whatever word)


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cberg
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21 May 2013, 4:42 pm

Try showing those whose opinions you value something they had no idea you were capable of. At least it's relatively common knowledge that stuttering is no reflection of intelligence...


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21 May 2013, 5:57 pm

1401b wrote:
azaam wrote:
People treat me like I am slow because I am quiet and stutter.

Does anybody get treated like this too?


   I assume this displeases you.
   if it's truly 'because...' then stop doing the 'because'.

see how easy that was!

-----------------
Nothing's really quite that easy, but it probably is that simple.

Why are you quiet and why do you stutter? For real. The super-real, painful, hardcore reason.
Are you trying to get them to treat you gently?
Does treat you gently look anything like treat you like you're slow.
-----------------

what does treat you like you're slow look like?
and
What do you want them to treat you like?
-----------------

People judge a book by it's cover. You can use that 'reflex' for your own happiness (or whatever word)


Being quiet is a personality trait. There's nothing wrong with it.
Stuttering, as far as I know, is involuntary, and not part of some agenda to be treated more gently.


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Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
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Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


Naturalist
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21 May 2013, 6:52 pm

Just curious--do you stutter less when you are talking about a subject which is a particular personal interest to you? Even if you prefer not to say much, you might practice talking about your interests around people who will be accepting of such conversation--a family member or neighbor you get along well with, or a special-interest club, for example. You may find that your stutter is less pronounced when you are discussing something you have given a lot of thought, in comfortable company. This might give you a bit more confidence to speak on other topics too.

I have great difficulty constructing sentences in general conversation but can speak very eloquently, with little effort, when I am discussing a special interest. This means that people who hold conversations with me which are more general usually come away with the impression that I am unintelligent, while the people who have had an opportunity to talk with me on mostly subjects I care about, arrive at quite an opposite conclusion.

That said, when I was younger, I was rather quiet, and found that people assumed my reluctance to participate in conversation meant I was stupid or uninterested--both erroneous assumptions! There is nothing wrong with being quiet, but our culture is one which gives preference to extroverts, and as a consequence having a quiet nature can lead people to wonder what is "wrong" with someone who is an observer rather than a contributor in conversation.

Another reason people often assume I am stupid is that I have to visualize everything in order to comprehend what is being said. As someone speaks, I am constructing images in my mind; but if they add too many details too quickly, I get lost very quickly because my mind can't visualize what they are describing the instant they describe it. I often have to ask people to repeat things multiple times; and if the image in my mind doesn't match the reality of what they are describing, my comprehension still fails. At work a few days ago, a co-worker asked me to put a paper form into a blue envelope which was on a table behind a cash box. I visualized the form I needed, found it on the table, then visualized a blue envelope and a cash box and looked for each of those items on the table (first cash box, then envelope). But when I located the cash box, I stood looking for several moments, because I did not see a blue envelope. I was staring at a blue folder, but my mind didn't make the connection that when she said "envelope" she meant "folder". She proceeded to be very exasperated with me as I stared confusedly at the object she indicated, but didn't insert the form as she had directed me. Consequence: she asked what was wrong with me, and subsequently asked someone else if I was stupid or stoned.

I do get very tired of such assumptions, which are very frequent and only add to my anxiety about interacting with people. It has also exacerbated my own difficulties with forming a strong sense of my own identity, because I am a confident, eloquent, obviously intelligent person when I am discussing my own interests with people who are accepting of me, but I look--and feel--like an idiot in normal day-to-day interactions. You are definitely not alone in your frustration!

As a young girl, I watched a series on TV called "Avonlea," and I seem to recall a character on that program who was a very gifted young man who was frequently assumed to be stupid because of a terrible stutter. Perhaps someone with a better memory will recall more of the details? I don't even know where you might find episodes of the show these days. I wouldn't mind watching it again myself...



azaam
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22 May 2013, 8:52 am

Naturalist wrote:
Just curious--do you stutter less when you are talking about a subject which is a particular personal interest to you? Even if you prefer not to say much, you might practice talking about your interests around people who will be accepting of such conversation--a family member or neighbor you get along well with, or a special-interest club, for example. You may find that your stutter is less pronounced when you are discussing something you have given a lot of thought, in comfortable company. This might give you a bit more confidence to speak on other topics too.

I have great difficulty constructing sentences in general conversation but can speak very eloquently, with little effort, when I am discussing a special interest. This means that people who hold conversations with me which are more general usually come away with the impression that I am unintelligent, while the people who have had an opportunity to talk with me on mostly subjects I care about, arrive at quite an opposite conclusion.

That said, when I was younger, I was rather quiet, and found that people assumed my reluctance to participate in conversation meant I was stupid or uninterested--both erroneous assumptions! There is nothing wrong with being quiet, but our culture is one which gives preference to extroverts, and as a consequence having a quiet nature can lead people to wonder what is "wrong" with someone who is an observer rather than a contributor in conversation.

Another reason people often assume I am stupid is that I have to visualize everything in order to comprehend what is being said. As someone speaks, I am constructing images in my mind; but if they add too many details too quickly, I get lost very quickly because my mind can't visualize what they are describing the instant they describe it. I often have to ask people to repeat things multiple times; and if the image in my mind doesn't match the reality of what they are describing, my comprehension still fails. At work a few days ago, a co-worker asked me to put a paper form into a blue envelope which was on a table behind a cash box. I visualized the form I needed, found it on the table, then visualized a blue envelope and a cash box and looked for each of those items on the table (first cash box, then envelope). But when I located the cash box, I stood looking for several moments, because I did not see a blue envelope. I was staring at a blue folder, but my mind didn't make the connection that when she said "envelope" she meant "folder". She proceeded to be very exasperated with me as I stared confusedly at the object she indicated, but didn't insert the form as she had directed me. Consequence: she asked what was wrong with me, and subsequently asked someone else if I was stupid or stoned.

I do get very tired of such assumptions, which are very frequent and only add to my anxiety about interacting with people. It has also exacerbated my own difficulties with forming a strong sense of my own identity, because I am a confident, eloquent, obviously intelligent person when I am discussing my own interests with people who are accepting of me, but I look--and feel--like an idiot in normal day-to-day interactions. You are definitely not alone in your frustration!

As a young girl, I watched a series on TV called "Avonlea," and I seem to recall a character on that program who was a very gifted young man who was frequently assumed to be stupid because of a terrible stutter. Perhaps someone with a better memory will recall more of the details? I don't even know where you might find episodes of the show these days. I wouldn't mind watching it again myself...


That's a interesting question. I stutter drastically less when I talk about interests because it's easier when words flow rather than have to think as I speak. The only problem with that is nobody wants to listen about macroeconomics, lions, biology, computers, and psychology.


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azaam
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22 May 2013, 8:57 am

1401b wrote:
azaam wrote:
People treat me like I am slow because I am quiet and stutter.

Does anybody get treated like this too?


   I assume this displeases you.
   if it's truly 'because...' then stop doing the 'because'.

see how easy that was!

-----------------
Nothing's really quite that easy, but it probably is that simple.

Why are you quiet and why do you stutter? For real. The super-real, painful, hardcore reason.
Are you trying to get them to treat you gently?
Does treat you gently look anything like treat you like you're slow.

Can you stop yourself from having aspergers? I don't think so
Can you stop yourself from being a as*hole? I don't think so.
Can you stop yourself from stuttering? I don't think so.


I am reporting you. I am too strong minded to take your comment to the heart but I will report you because WP doesn't need trolls to put other people down.
-----------------

what does treat you like you're slow look like?
and
What do you want them to treat you like?
-----------------

People judge a book by it's cover. You can use that 'reflex' for your own happiness (or whatever word)


_________________
If nobody will give a s**t about me, then I will give a s**t about me.


creativeaspie
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22 May 2013, 9:25 am

in an odd way I am slow but I don't mind it. it's as if I'm deep in thought and people wait for me to say something, anything. if i'm anxious about being slow, they become anxious. If i'm generally contemplating something, then they don't mind it either.


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qawer
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22 May 2013, 9:58 am

It's often a matter of social intelligence, not academic intelligence.

If a person doesn't catch up on social cues/the social game, people might start treating that person as "slow", even though that person could be very intelligent in other areas. In social settings, you are assessed on basis of your social intelligence.

It's about having a Theory of Mind, knowing what yourself and others may be thinking/feeling/desiring etc., being able to interpret those subtle, unspoken vibes in social interaction, and being able to act accordingly.

Example:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSPhD0-y2S0[/youtube]



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23 May 2013, 9:38 pm

azaam wrote:
That's a interesting question. I stutter drastically less when I talk about interests because it's easier when words flow rather than have to think as I speak. The only problem with that is nobody wants to listen about macroeconomics, lions, biology, computers, and psychology.


I would listen to anything about lions, biology, or psychology... Macroeconomics and computers are where you lose me :wink:

I would venture to suggest that your confidence in those subjects accounts for your reduced stutter as much as the fact that you have already worked out your thoughts on those topics, saving yourself the trouble of "composing" spontaneously, which is what you have to do in most social settings. I once had a friend who would fluster me unintentionally, because he could see I was thinking hard about what to say, and he would shout, "Just SAY IT!! !" Which would startle me and I would dissolve into stammering...



Naturalist
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23 May 2013, 9:46 pm

creativeaspie wrote:
in an odd way I am slow but I don't mind it. it's as if I'm deep in thought and people wait for me to say something, anything. if i'm anxious about being slow, they become anxious. If i'm generally contemplating something, then they don't mind it either.


Novel and intriguing thought... though anxiety often manifests itself unbidden by me, as soon as another person is present in the room, so I may not succeed at convincing anyone that I am merely contemplating... :(



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23 May 2013, 10:26 pm

I don't stutter, but I do feel that people disregard my opinions. Also, sometimes I am treated as if I don't have feelings, because I try to maintain a neutral affect as much as possible.



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23 May 2013, 11:20 pm

I used to have people think that I didn't know anything, but when I asked people what they thought of whatever the issue of the day was all of a sudden they would say that I proved them all wrong.



elsing
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25 May 2013, 9:21 am

This happens to me all the time, I am way over supervised at work. The way I talk come across as very dim, stuttering and slow to respond if I realise I should respond at all. It's fascinating (and depressing) to watch the way other people seem to know so much about so many different things and can jump around from topic to topic, sometime it feels like everyone has an encyclopaedia knowledge of everything. And I know a tiny little bit about a few narrow subjects.

Then something will happen like someone wants to know what would happen in a scenario in criminal law court case affect them and I stop stuttering and can walk them through the entire course case how it ought to work in nearly every scenario and suddenly I start getting praise for being smart.

Only then I am expect to know the same detail on other subjects to and I really don't.