I like a woman who's five years older and married

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j5689
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23 May 2013, 7:18 pm

What the hell is wrong with me and how do I get over it?

She's hot, but she's also not conceited like every other hot girl around here, plus she's as smart as I am, shares the same political beliefs, is into guns/videogames(and not to be a trendy nerd like all the other girls who are), and knows a bunch of facts about everything like I do. She's so genuine and real too, I meet so few people that are these days. She would've been absolutely perfect if she was younger and available. She actually gave me a much better image of what I want from a person(preferably one who is actually available, lol)

Btw, it's a coworker who I've only worked with for a week and a half



Last edited by j5689 on 23 May 2013, 7:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

appletheclown
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23 May 2013, 7:24 pm

It isn't wrong to think a married lady is attractive, most guys would consider it a compliment if you told them their wife is attractive, so as long as you know you would never betray her or her husband as friends, you've got nothing to be ashamed of. There is nothing wrong with you in the first place, finding women attractive is nothing for you to be worried about.


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ShamelessGit
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23 May 2013, 8:11 pm

What makes you attracted to her is probably why she is married.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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23 May 2013, 8:31 pm

Yes, the good ones are taken :? but not all the good ones.

And possibly, be open to women somewhat older than yourself like she is, might give you more good possibilities in life.



happymusic
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23 May 2013, 8:52 pm

Five years seems like a lot when you're 19 but if you think about it, most women outlive their husbands by far longer than that. Chemistry is chemistry and I don't think much of age differences or marriage stuff. On the marriage stuff most people do feel strongly about that so you might want to keep your admiration to yourself this early in your acquaintance. Some girls seem like they're flirting when they're just being nice, too.



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23 May 2013, 9:53 pm

An older co-worker you've known for a week and a half and liked? Try five and a half years. She's not married but the one I liked had a live in boyfriend so their close. Needless to say it sucks to have feelings for someone you can't have. I went through it for all those years. Do whatever you can to escape it. With the short time you've known this person, it shouldn't be a problem.


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j5689
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24 May 2013, 7:46 am

The age difference really isn't an issue for me to be honest, I thought it would be to her because older girls have always acted like they were better than me in the past, so I thought it would make her more unattainable(if she were available) than a girl my own age, but things are so much different after 21 because it's probably the most major age barrier in social activities and maturity and after that there's not so much difference between years as there was in the teenage years where every year or two is a new privilege(such as age of consent at 16, age of M-rated games at 17, age of tobacco and legal adult at 18, etc )and vastly more experience and maturity in life(which isn't saying much, they're still teenagers, lol). It wouldn't be a huge shock to me either if ever something somehow did happen considering my dad was 19 when he started dating my 25 year old mom, lol.

I feel like there's no way she doesn't know by now as much as I stare but she still seems really receptive, most of the time it pisses girls off and they want me to get lost. In a way it feels nice to like someone again, it gets very tiring and depressing to have to feel so closed off and distrusting of other people all the time because everybody in the DC Metropolitan area is a fake and a selfish backstabber, now I actually look forward to seeing another person again, that's how life is supposed to be ideally.



appletheclown
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24 May 2013, 9:13 am

j5689 wrote:
The age difference really isn't an issue for me to be honest, I thought it would be to her because older girls have always acted like they were better than me in the past, so I thought it would make her more unattainable(if she were available) than a girl my own age, but things are so much different after 21 because it's probably the most major age barrier in social activities and maturity and after that there's not so much difference between years as there was in the teenage years where every year or two is a new privilege(such as age of consent at 16, age of M-rated games at 17, age of tobacco and legal adult at 18, etc )and vastly more experience and maturity in life(which isn't saying much, they're still teenagers, lol). It wouldn't be a huge shock to me either if ever something somehow did happen considering my dad was 19 when he started dating my 25 year old mom, lol.

I feel like there's no way she doesn't know by now as much as I stare but she still seems really receptive, most of the time it pisses girls off and they want me to get lost. In a way it feels nice to like someone again, it gets very tiring and depressing to have to feel so closed off and distrusting of other people all the time because everybody in the DC Metropolitan area is a fake and a selfish backstabber, now I actually look forward to seeing another person again, that's how life is supposed to be ideally.


Your dad sounds smart to me, I salute you! Older girls seem to be nicer to me, then some younger ones are nicer, I don't really know hat kind of lady is attracted to me yet, and I'm not sure what lady I'm attracted to either. Women seem to compliment me a lot though, at the liquor store the female shop keep calls me babe, the ladies whom see me riding my bike to keep my legs of steel nice and strong always say nice bike, I guess I don't mind the friendly flirting, it kind of lifts my spirits. Anyone else find it spirit lifting when older ladies, including married ones, flirt with you in a friendly way? It does me.


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24 May 2013, 11:01 am

Older women and married women may seem more attractive because they are comfortable with who they are and can just be themselves. Also, you may just be afraid of getting into a relationship so you are infatuated with someone whom you know you can't have a relationship with. Getting over it just takes time.



Roch
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24 May 2013, 11:30 am

Try a 22 year age gap! I met my aspie partner when I was 47 and he was 25, 5 years later we're still together and very much in love. Honestly, I sometimes wonder if a younger version of me would have stuck around long enough to see just what an amazing person he is, perhaps my life experience and maturity has been a positive influence on our relationship. You don't have to be as drastic as us, but I think the normal expectations of an age gap are falling away, so open up a little. I'd stay away from the married woman, nothing but unrequited feelings there no matter how nice and perfect she seems. Accept her friendship and enjoy her company just don't get too obsessed with her, other opportunities may pass you by while you're not looking.



jlsvc92
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24 May 2013, 12:40 pm

Location: Bowie, Maryland, U.S. -> no gun control + married = bad idea
co-worker = bad Idea



appletheclown
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24 May 2013, 2:43 pm

jlsvc92 wrote:
Location: Bowie, Maryland, U.S. -> no gun control + married = bad idea
co-worker = bad Idea


As long as you compliment the guy on his wife, and her to when they are together it is fine, even in the U.P. of Michigan, where you can open carry like in Texas as long as you are out side city limits. Yuper's like getting complimented, except anything relationship wise is grounds for can o lumberjack whoop arse. Again being attracted to her is fine, it is acting on it in any way that is bad. Like wanting and getting obsessed about her is bad, not being attracted to a woman. The whole lust thing people in areas with no gun control preach about just refers to thoughts of sex with women whom you shouldn't be having those thoughts about, you're fine to lust over your own wife for example; lust means not much else in truth. People get too extreme even for God, that is why he sent Jesus in the first place, well one of the reasons anyways. Sexual attraction is different from Lust. You are just a little over reacting to being in the presence of a beautiful lady not much else.


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25 May 2013, 7:12 pm

gee, sound like the same problem I always run into.



LongWaysAway
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27 May 2013, 12:30 pm

Unless her husband's one of those guys who likes to watch other guys get with his wife, forget about her and move on ASAP.