Ever had men fight over you?
I am ashamed to say that I let jealousy get the best of me when I was young and in love and was lucky in that I wrecked my bike on the way to a rival's house which kept me from doing something even more reckless. I like to think that now that I am older I can recognize and dismiss that emotion for what it is, destructive, reckless and irrational.
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“Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.” ― Bertrand Russell
No. I'm pretty, but I'm nerdy, and guys usually make fun of me, or stay away. I wish I could use my intelligence to run a corporation or something, but it will never happen.
I know some girls with ASD choose to become strippers. I guess that's a good way to embrace one's allure and femininity, and I'm sure men fight over strippers. Or not. I've never been into that lifestyle, so I can't say much more about it. I just met a man once who told me that his ex-girlfriend with ASD was a stripper. Hey, it's performance art, and I give her credit for finding and keeping a job.
I know some girls with ASD choose to become strippers. I guess that's a good way to embrace one's allure and femininity, and I'm sure men fight over strippers. Or not. I've never been into that lifestyle, so I can't say much more about it. I just met a man once who told me that his ex-girlfriend with ASD was a stripper. Hey, it's performance art, and I give her credit for finding and keeping a job.
Same here -- nerdy women seem to not attract most types of men. My husband loves me, and finds me attractive, but he never has to fight over me. Men are usually attracted to more feminine, fun-loving sorts. The nerdier, more serious, and even more tomboyish you are, the less men in general will be drawn to you. Being super-logical is intimidating to most of them; they know they cannot manipulate you through traditional emotional means. And looking more masculine and nerdy is also a turn-off; they prefer the blond, stripper, bubbly, busty sorts.
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36 yr old female; dx age 29. Level 2 Aspie.
funeralxempire
Veteran
Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 25,461
Location: Right over your left shoulder
Yes, ugh. If I so much as look at a guy a few times he starts acting weird.
Based on your pic you're really pretty, and based on your posts you're quite intelligent and charismatic so the perceived lack of interest might be (unintentional) intimidation; guys basically not expressing the slightest sign of interest out of the assumption of rejection. The ones who pick up on (unintentional, possibly even nonexistent) signs of interest go gaga because they're excited that someone they view as having high value is unexpectedly interested (even if you're not actually).
tl;dr - it's not because you lack appeal; it's because they don't know how to express it or how to properly connect with you
That 'failing to understand how to connect' seems to happen a lot for folks with ASD I've discussed this sort of stuff with. Folks needing to connect with people with ASD, as well as folks with ASD needing to connect to others often seem to just not be able to figure it out, leading to missing interest, misinterpretation interest and otherwise making finding and maintaining relationships harder than it needs to be, or at least harder than many other people find it.
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Watching liberals try to solve societal problems without a systemic critique/class consciousness is like watching someone in the dark try to flip on the light switch, but they keep turning on the garbage disposal instead.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う
Yes, ugh. If I so much as look at a guy a few times he starts acting weird.
Based on your pic you're really pretty, and based on your posts you're quite intelligent and charismatic so the perceived lack of interest might be (unintentional) intimidation; guys basically not expressing the slightest sign of interest out of the assumption of rejection. The ones who pick up on (unintentional, possibly even nonexistent) signs of interest go gaga because they're excited that someone they view as having high value is unexpectedly interested (even if you're not actually).
tl;dr - it's not because you lack appeal; it's because they don't know how to express it or how to properly connect with you
That 'failing to understand how to connect' seems to happen a lot for folks with ASD I've discussed this sort of stuff with. Folks needing to connect with people with ASD, as well as folks with ASD needing to connect to others often seem to just not be able to figure it out, leading to missing interest, misinterpretation interest and otherwise making finding and maintaining relationships harder than it needs to be, or at least harder than many other people find it.
I have been told this before at times, but it doesn't really matter. I've been mocked enough by others that I would not stick out my neck to convey interest in someone, and if I can't pick up interest, well...
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AQ: 36 (last I checked :p)
funeralxempire
Veteran
Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 25,461
Location: Right over your left shoulder
Yes, ugh. If I so much as look at a guy a few times he starts acting weird.
Based on your pic you're really pretty, and based on your posts you're quite intelligent and charismatic so the perceived lack of interest might be (unintentional) intimidation; guys basically not expressing the slightest sign of interest out of the assumption of rejection. The ones who pick up on (unintentional, possibly even nonexistent) signs of interest go gaga because they're excited that someone they view as having high value is unexpectedly interested (even if you're not actually).
tl;dr - it's not because you lack appeal; it's because they don't know how to express it or how to properly connect with you
That 'failing to understand how to connect' seems to happen a lot for folks with ASD I've discussed this sort of stuff with. Folks needing to connect with people with ASD, as well as folks with ASD needing to connect to others often seem to just not be able to figure it out, leading to missing interest, misinterpretation interest and otherwise making finding and maintaining relationships harder than it needs to be, or at least harder than many other people find it.
I have been told this before at times, but it doesn't really matter. I've been mocked enough by others that I would not stick out my neck to convey interest in someone, and if I can't pick up interest, well...
Yeah, having that insight hasn't helped me much either. At best it keeps me from starting a new 'girls don't like me why not' thread in L&D every few months since I've already gotten an answer. Here's to being alone.
_________________
Watching liberals try to solve societal problems without a systemic critique/class consciousness is like watching someone in the dark try to flip on the light switch, but they keep turning on the garbage disposal instead.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う
Yes, ugh. If I so much as look at a guy a few times he starts acting weird.
Based on your pic you're really pretty, and based on your posts you're quite intelligent and charismatic so the perceived lack of interest might be (unintentional) intimidation; guys basically not expressing the slightest sign of interest out of the assumption of rejection. The ones who pick up on (unintentional, possibly even nonexistent) signs of interest go gaga because they're excited that someone they view as having high value is unexpectedly interested (even if you're not actually).
tl;dr - it's not because you lack appeal; it's because they don't know how to express it or how to properly connect with you
That 'failing to understand how to connect' seems to happen a lot for folks with ASD I've discussed this sort of stuff with. Folks needing to connect with people with ASD, as well as folks with ASD needing to connect to others often seem to just not be able to figure it out, leading to missing interest, misinterpretation interest and otherwise making finding and maintaining relationships harder than it needs to be, or at least harder than many other people find it.
I have been told this before at times, but it doesn't really matter. I've been mocked enough by others that I would not stick out my neck to convey interest in someone, and if I can't pick up interest, well...
You are very attractive.
You are very intelligent.
I have no idea why you have problems.
Tbh, complications surrounding HFA are going to be less evident online than irl. And younger people as a whole tend towards being very judgmental, so... it isn't a fun time.
People in your church group mock you also?
I'm assuming you have one.
I am surprised you can't find a nice young guy there.
What about going to Autism groups in commuting distance, coronavirus willing?
Are there any?
You have so much to offer.
Don't be disheartened.
A lot of people have a problem with others giving advice.
I hope I am not out of line, here.
Nah, people in my Church group are nice but few are in my age range. It's teens on the one end, early thirties on another, a few early twenties when you get to broader events, but I haven't really met anyone who I clicked with and who was not taken at those events.
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AQ: 36 (last I checked :p)