I can't recall how many times I've tried to start this topic. I guess here goes nothing. As someone who suffered from sensory, social and facial recognition problems for most of my life, when I first came to these boards I got lot out of reading other members' stories and gleaning tips for improving my day-to-day life. I know that my life isn't perfect, but thanks in part to this forum, I've been able to go quite far. Now I'd like to share some tips of my own, as my small way of giving back for all that I've received.
When I was a kid, I had a lot of trouble in school. I liked many subjects, but often would anger teachers by seeming like I was not paying attention, or by just finding it very difficult to learn things the same way as other kids. I was generally a B or B- student, but with the occasional D (mostly in History, Math or any foreign language course). My mother jumped on the ADHD bandwagon as it was in the peak of its hype, and I was sedated, which made matters worse, refused to take the medicine, fought with my parents, you name it. This trend of performing poorly continued when I went to high school. I kept losing my wallet or purse, I couldn't keep track of my keys. I'd often get lost when I went out walking. My mother was always very concerned about how I would fair as an adult. It's an understatement to say that compared to my straight-A siblings she thought me impaired.
... but when I went away to college, something amazing happened. I did well. As a matter of fact, I did very well. I studied Japanese on my own for fun and was able to skip all but the last class my university offered. Then I took 3 calculus courses (having had all Ds in basic high school math) and I got all A's. I studied art history and East Asian history and I got perfect grades in that as well. What's more so, I did this all while living independently, something that I think my parents were initially doubtful that I could really handle. I graduated with a GPA of 3.87, immediately went into research, and am now working on my PhD in Biology with several fellowships under my belt.
Now I want to tell you how I as a non-NT I was able to do it. How I went from a D student to on my way to being a college professor. I want to share this because I wish someone had told me these things sooner, before I had to figure them out the hard way. If anyone else has other points they'd like to add, please feel free to do so as well. Here are mine:
1. Don't stop being unashamedly yourself.
While it's true, I had to learn to tone down some of my more severe habits (like chewing on my hair or being afraid of public restrooms with loud toilets), the successful person I am today is fundamentally the same as the unsuccessful little kid I once was. I have always been an independent person who likes to work on things diligently on my own, and who obsessively thinks about things that I care about. Yet I have always struggled under micromanagement or situations where people try to make me adhere to others' ideas of how I should be. Isn't it funny that this inability to follow in line and be 'normal' can get a kid called "retarted"? Isn't it funny how being the same way as an adult can get a person called an "out-of-the-box" thinker, or even a "genius"? From my personal observations, society has some wacky standards for judging the worth and potential of children versus adults, so don't count yourself out if you are feeling lost around age 5 to 17. I think most of us have things that we are good at, NOT because we are naturally gifted or show early signs per-se, but because as aspies, many of us just care a whole heck of a lot about the things we care about. This is actually an ADVANTAGE in the "real world" so don't fret about being "not-enough." I sometimes think about what might have happened if the world had been able to break me as a little kid, and convince me to change who I was. What would have happened if I directed my efforts towards trying to only be a normal person? I somehow doubt I'd be where I am today.
2. Embrace things you're passionate about
As I mentioned I think this is really key to everything. Find what you want to do in life, you know, that thing that you think about night and day. Then find out what needs to be done to make that dream happen. I find this works for me because I work better with a goal in mind. Personally, I despise being idle unless I am as sick as heck. I even find that in down-time I tend to just start new projects rather than really waste time. However, nothing is quite like doing that one thing that you care about most in the world. My "special interest" some people call it, but I feel like this term minimizes the importance of these sometimes life-long quests. I think we should just call it what it is "My field of study."
3. Find a way of learning that works for you
I am a synesthete, so sometimes I have trouble memorizing names when I see them as the same color. For instance someone might confuse the names Potter and Porter because they are spelled similarly, and would probably make special note not to confuse them when studying for a test. I, on the other hand, would not do well to study from that person's study guide, because Potter is red, and Porter is yellow... on the other hand Leidman and Gretchen are both green, so I'd have to make special note not to confuse them. Also, I need a particular amount of background noise to study, but am way too distracted by good music, so sometimes I go out in a park and listen to people talking and birds chirping while I catch up on reading. Everyone is different
4. Ignore people who think they are all-knowing gods of human potential. They're not, they're just sad people who want to talk about what THEY can't do.
Let me see if I can make a list of all the people who laughed when I told them that I wanted to be a scientist: my 5th grade teacher, my 6th grade teacher, my mom, my sister, my high school college counselor, my high school biology teacher, you get the idea. Right before I graduated from university I remember I had to do an exit interview with the assistant dean of Biology. When she asked me "What do you want to do after you graduate? Medical school I assume?" When I responded that I'd rather be a biologist, if it's realistic, the assistant dean responded "Honey, you can be whatever kind of biologist you want." Nothing felt better than that. For so long I was the only one who had faith in myself, and then I realized that that part of my life was over. It's a good thing I'm bad at following directions, because according to everyone before her, entertaining thoughts of a job more demanding than non-manager at a pet store was dangerous or something. I mean REALLY?!? When did hope become such a dangerous commodity?
5. Even if you don't understand what's going on, try to be kind.
Unlike the other points in this list, this was a bit of advice that was handed to me from a person I really care about. I have found it useful in all that I do. I know that I am awkward and avoid many social situations, but if I can just be polite to everyone I meet in a day, I find that life gets much easier for all involved. Some days when I'm pressed for time, or I'm dealing with annoying people it's tempting to forget this point... yet every time I do I wish I hadn't.
What I want to say most of all is that if you're like I was once, 14 years old, depressed, lonely, having panic attacks, feeling stupid and helpless and generally inadequate... just know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, or at least there can be.
If you've read all of this, thank you for hearing me out.
31 May 2013, 10:19 pm
), I breezed through the course, picking up top marks in everything except mathematics. (yeah an engineer with maths as their weakness, I was pretty much the opposite of most of the class).
), and we lost many lecturers and most of the final-year subjects. This caused me to feel disillusioned with the whole system, and along with the removal of the one-year masters program is the main reason I have not continued with further study.
)
