Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

lostgirl1986
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Feb 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,425
Location: Ontario, Canada

02 Jun 2013, 4:19 pm

Every weekend my boyfriend and I do something together and spend time at each other's houses. Yesterday we spent the day in the city mostly trying out different bars. My boyfriend drinks a lot and I got tired towards the end of the day and spent my time in the bookstore while my boyfriend was at the bar beside the bookstore. We had a pretty good day and we went home. I was tired when we got home and he wanted us to go out to his friend's house to drink at 10:00 pm but I was tired and overstimulated from being in the city. Of course he wanted sex before he left which I refused to have. He really wanted me to go and I said that he could just go and I'd just go to sleep although I was a little miffed because I could of just went home from the train instead of going back to his house while he goes out with his friends. In the morning I kind of forgave him and we had sex since he kept bugging me about it. Now, this morning he got a message from his friend who wanted to play golf with him. I'm not into golf in any way, shape or form so I said I didn't want to go so he took me home.

Now I have no problem with him wanting to hang out with his friends but he should have told me earlier so I could of just caught the bus and went home after we got off the train from going to the city instead of being in his bedroom while he went out with his friends and then rushing me in the morning to get ready to play golf with his other friend. I know that we need to spend time with our friends but I just felt ditched when he should of told me earlier that he wanted to hang out with his friends.

Of course knowing me I had a bitter attitude on the way home when he was dropping me off. I feel that I shouldn't have been so mad and bitter but should have communicated better instead. He does a lot for me and I feel like I take that for granted sometimes.



Disraeli
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2012
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 244
Location: Ontario, Canada

02 Jun 2013, 4:45 pm

Apologize for what? You did nothing wrong. Sounds to me like your boyfriend was being deeply disrespectful and is the one who should apologize to you.



ShamelessGit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jul 2010
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 787
Location: Kansas

02 Jun 2013, 4:46 pm

So it sounds like what happened was that he invited you to his house without telling you what he wanted to do, and it happened to be something you didn't like, and you were upset about that? I don't have a relationship, so maybe my opinion isn't very good, but I don't think anybody did anything seriously wrong. I would be pleased if the worst thing I had to put up with in a relationship was having to do something every once in a while that I didn't like. It sounds like he didn't know that he was going to go golfing before you did, so I don't know how he could have told you about it before. It's possible that he didn't think much of the event. Maybe if he got upset because he noticed you were upset then you could apologize, but I don't think it's necessary.



Ann2011
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2011
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,514
Location: Ontario, Canada

02 Jun 2013, 4:50 pm

My partner can go out much later than me. When we first got together, I would try to keep up with him; but I would end up having some sort of embarrassing meltdown and now we both know that he's best to go alone. He should have given you warning though, so you could have planned accordingly. But sometimes things just go south.



hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,690
Location: On the Road Less Traveled

02 Jun 2013, 5:59 pm

Being an Aspie, I think he should have given you more clear parameters to work with. It sounded like he was impulsively jumping from one thing to another, with no regard for your issues. I think it would have bothered me to have to keep up such a pace. Maybe allow yourself time to process it all, and then when you next speak to him, set clear boundaries for the next time you guys decide to go out. Let him know that you need down time after each activity, or at least to let you know what's on the agenda so that you can plan accordingly!


_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner


anneurysm
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2008
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,243
Location: Ontario, Canada

02 Jun 2013, 6:49 pm

You don't need to apologize for anything. He is mostly at fault here...what he did to you was kind of rude.

It appears that during the time you've described, he was only focusing on what HE wanted to do and did not take your opinions and preferences into account. Have you told him that you get tired after a while of socializing and don't like being out for long periods of time? If so, you absolutely need to tell him this...otherwise he will keep doing this to you more.

If he is the kind of person who loves being around people and stimulating environments all of the time, he may not be the best person to be with long-term. I'm sorry if that's a little blunt, but part of being in a couple involves sharing and preferring similar activities together. However, this can be changed, provided that you both have an open and honest discussion about activities you can do together. He needs to be willing to work with your needs and to compromise if your interests and preferences clash. He needs to be willing to accommodate you...other wise he is just getting his way. Relationships are a two-way street and each person needs to be respected and to feel valued by the other person. It doesn't seem like he is valuing you here because he is doing only what he wants and only seems to be coming back to you for sex. That doesn't sound healthy.


_________________
I am an anomaly. Diagnosed with borderline,"tentative" Aspergers at 7 as the school board required me to have a label in order to receive special education services. I did not fit criteria for ASD but that was the closest label that fit my behaviour at the time.

My longtime psychiatrist has confirmed that I do not qualify for an ASD diagnosis (but have traits & OCD-like traits).

Mostly keeping a distance from ASD-related things (including WP).


chibi555
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 3 May 2011
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 80

06 Jun 2013, 1:10 am

I don't think you need to apologize. He really should have had an idea about what he was going to do a little while before hand, especially since it involved not only his time, but yours as well.



OliveOilMom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,897
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere

06 Jun 2013, 1:31 am

You didn't do anything to apologize for, so no. If you had an attitude on the way home, he should have noticed and asked what was wrong, and he obviously didn't. He sounds like he might have been kind of self absorbed that weekend. That can happen in folks who are normally not that way, and in relationships it sometimes gets like that, but it passes. I'd give him a little time and see if he keeps up with this kind of thing and if so, then tell him how you feel. Or, if you keep finding yourself upset with him, then of course speak up. Better to just tell him and discuss it than let it fester.

But no, you don't need to apologize for anything, you did nothing wrong.


_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com


meems
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Dec 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,093

06 Jun 2013, 3:29 am

Is he asking for an apology?


_________________
http://www.facebook.com/eidetic.onus
http://eidetic-onus.tumblr.com/
Warning, my tumblr is a man-free zone :)


RightGalaxy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2008
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,416

07 Jun 2013, 12:33 pm

Disraeli wrote:
Apologize for what? You did nothing wrong. Sounds to me like your boyfriend was being deeply disrespectful and is the one who should apologize to you.


DITTO. If he's drinking at your expense, then it's time for you to find a new man.



ShamelessGit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jul 2010
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 787
Location: Kansas

07 Jun 2013, 5:07 pm

I think you girls are really harsh. If I had a girlfriend who made me do a bunch of stuff I didn't want to do every once in a while, then I wouldn't think it was a big deal. I thought that it was a part of the deal of being in a relationship. Most likely you don't share all your interests, so somebody is going to have to do stuff they don't want to have to do every once in a while. I've chased my ass around in a circle (figuratively) for a girl by doing stuff I wouldn't have done by myself, and I didn't care. It made me happy to make her happy, and I knew that she did things for me too. Just so long as the other partner doesn't do it all the time or take it for granted, I don't think it's a big deal.