What are some reasons an aspie guy would reject a girl?

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03 Jun 2013, 7:06 pm

Hey guys. I have this wonderful guy friend who I've now realized might have Asperger's. He stims and never makes eye contact among other things. We have been friends for 3-4 years, however our friendship has seemed close/distant at times. When we first met, he always asked me to hang out and then it stopped slowly. I have always been interested in him, however being a guy I thought he should initiate more often and so it lead to communication deficits. I expressed my feelings for him twice and he rejected me both times. Recently, when I started initiating contact and making more plans he started loosening up and having fun when he hangs out to the point that he makes future plans. He seems excited when we hang out and our conversations are more meaningful now. I know he really cares about me. Here is the problem, he has rejected me in the past twice. I'm the only single somewhat close girl friend to him, so I don't get it. He did have a bad breakup where the girl he went against his family to be with cheated on him and left him. Is he scared I would do the same thing? Any input would be appreciated.



MakeItRight
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03 Jun 2013, 7:11 pm

Making 'first moves' would definitely help. He might have trouble reading you, or is taking long to get over the feelings he had for his ex. Being direct with him will probably help.



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03 Jun 2013, 7:20 pm

He stims really bad. Could it be that he is nervous for me to find out? Also, the first time I asked him about his feelings for me he eventually said he initially like me, but I was the one that wanted to be friends. I told him I didn't mean to give that impression. A week later he sent me a pic of his cute dogs (who he knows I adore) with the word confused? I really like him a lot and he has one of the kindest most gentle hearts but part of me sometimes thinks I should just give up trying to show I care.



FrankiDelano
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03 Jun 2013, 7:53 pm

You sound like a friend of mine, she and I were good friends for about year then we became distant and now we're hanging out again, main difference between you and her is that she currently has a boyfriend. I can't tell you if she has romantic feelings towards me, but we definitely share something more romantic than just being friends. If you want to go out with him, then ask him out that's how I would prefer it the female first it may seem a weird concept, but what's the difference asking someone out is asking someone despite what gender they may be. You just have to remember someone with AS, BD, or any psychological condition will definitely be a cold at the core as an individual, no matter how warm his heart may be, he went through a break up and being rejected the first time by someone he cares about, that's the point of view I come from and it's very painful. After I was rejected by the girl I thought that would be it, that I'd never see her again and we would never have any kind of relationship from then on and he might feel that way since you rejected him the first time he asked you out (not that it was your fault, you just didn't want to go out with him at the time) he may think that no matter what there's no chance with you. So ask him if he'd like an official relationship with you, make sure to show him how much love and affection he would feel if he was with you, and if you feel that same affection back from him, then you got yourself one damn fine boyfriend!



ShamelessGit
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03 Jun 2013, 8:01 pm

I think aspie people can be scared of their feelings sometimes. Maybe he just doesn't know what to do with them



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03 Jun 2013, 8:03 pm

Yeah. I didn't mean to come off uninterested. It's just I suffer myself from self esteem issues and considering that even though he wanted to hang out, he never expressed his emotions for me. So I just thought he wasn't interested in me. Haha maybe we will get on the same page one day, but if not I'm glad to have him in my life as a friend too!



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03 Jun 2013, 9:57 pm

The very fact that she likes me would speak volumes against her. Isn’t this enough reason to reject her? :)


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auntblabby
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03 Jun 2013, 10:17 pm

to the OP: if you want this man, you are going to have to do some heavy lifting, just to get this relationship [the close kind that you want] off the ground. otherwise he will just sort of go along with you without going with you, if you catch my drift.



aspiemike
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03 Jun 2013, 10:58 pm

I am sensing that if you do want this relationship, you will expect him to meet you halfway. It may or may not happen. Some aspies are impossible to get to meet you halfway.



Cilantro
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03 Jun 2013, 11:08 pm

Is it possible he just isn't interested in you? Is there some reason why an Aspie guy must be interested in his only single female friend?



auntblabby
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03 Jun 2013, 11:52 pm

to the OP: you are going to have to do most of the work to make this relationship get off the ground.



uwmonkdm
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04 Jun 2013, 12:18 am

why has no one raised the possibility that he's just not sexually attracted to you and therefore does not desire you in that way?



appletheclown
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04 Jun 2013, 2:27 pm

Sorry, the only reason I can come up with is he doesn't understand what you are talking about. Try to get him attracted to you before asking him out, if verbal flirtation fails, try a little physical flirtation, but something you know wouldn't scare the guy off. If you know he could handle a girlfriend, then I have no clue why a single aspie would ever reject you. Then again, I have not been the most receptive, and sometimes it is not out of the lack of physical attraction, but sometimes fear of a break up. Sometimes relationships are scary to an aspie. If you ask him if he has ever had any girls that were attracted to him, you might let up a red flag, but you will get the answer you want.


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InnaLucia
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04 Jun 2013, 4:41 pm

Cilantro wrote:
Is it possible he just isn't interested in you? Is there some reason why an Aspie guy must be interested in his only single female friend?


This.



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04 Jun 2013, 4:47 pm

Ask him why.