I realize I still have problems with tact

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hanyo
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09 Jun 2013, 11:21 am

1. For Christmas, your grandmother gives you a sweatshirt which you think is ugly. She asks how
you like it. What should you say?

It's nice. (My real grandmother gave cash and didn't give crummy gifts.)

2. You are watching TV and the phone rings. Your mom answers it and tells you it’s Jane. You
don’t like Jane and don’t want to talk to her. What should you say?

*whispers to mother* Tell her I'm not home.

3. Your friend gets a new baby sister and you think it is the ugliest baby you’ve ever seen. Your
friend asks you, “Isn’t she the cutest?” What should you say?

No, I don't like babies and don't really find them to be cute. If I don't know them well just nod and agree to avoid conflict.

4. Your teacher is walking down the hallway with a piece of trash stuck to her shoe heel. What
should you say?

You have something stuck to your shoe.

5. Your friend has been talking for 10 minutes with a big piece of broccoli stuck between his teeth.
What should you say?

You have something between your teeth.

6. You are visiting your friend’s house and your friend’s mom serves liver and onions for dinner,
which you think is disgusting. What should you say?

I wouldn't eat it and tell them I'm not eating because I don't like that or leave and go home. (I like liver and onions though so the mean in the example would be something different)

Actually I don't think I ever had that scenario happen to me in my life. I don't think I ever ate over at a friend's house as a minor. My mother was overprotective and I had very few friends. I also didn't like to eat in front of other people. I think I remember a time or two when they ordered pizza and I didn't eat any because I don't like it. I don't care how rude it is. I'm not going to eat food I don't like to be polite or lie about not liking it for politeness. If I made something and someone didn't like it I'd rather know the reason was that they didn't like it was nothing personal and that they just didn't like that kind of food.



daydreamer84
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09 Jun 2013, 12:18 pm

MathGirl wrote:
daydreamer84 wrote:
MathGirl wrote:
Screw tact, I'd rather have people be honest with me and I only think it's fair to be honest with everyone else.
:lol: I agree with you to a certain extent but if someone gives you a gift and asks if you like it there's no real point in being honest about that. They already bought it and gave it to you.....it wouldn't accomplish anything to tell them you didn;t like it and it would hurt their feelings. Or if you thought someone's baby was ugly.....telling them that will only hurt them and they can't really do anything about it....unless there's plastic surgery for infants....which is probably inadvisable anyway. :D I wouldn't go out of my way to tell someone I liked a present I didn't like, I'd just say thank you and leave it at that unless they specifically asked..same with the baby situation, I wouldn;t mention it unless they asked me directly if I thought it (he or she)was cute. Then again I'd want to know if I had something stuck to my shoe or caught in my teeth. Also when people say "we should get together sometime" but they don't really want to spend time with you "just to be polite" that's just confusing and mis-leading and I'd appreciate someone not going out of their way to say that. It's unkind because I think I have a friend (someone who wants to spend time with me and then it hurts me when they don't. SO I think it depends on the situation.
I have trouble buying presents because I don't want to give someone something they don't like. If they don't tell me up-front that they don't like it, then I can't do anything about it. If they do tell me up-front, on the other hand, then I could take it back or return it and then ask the person what they DO like and get them that. It wouldn't hurt my feelings at all. Maybe I'm just a weirdo who doesn't even identify with others with AS in this regard... As with a baby, I just wouldn't give my opinion either way because there is no point, unless the baby is extremely cute and it catches my eye so I would genuinely comment on that.


Okay, you have a good point about the present but what if the present was not returnable though and you had spent a lot of money on it because you really thought the other person would like it?

What if you thought the baby was incredibly ugly and the person asked you directly "don't you think my baby is cute?" what would you say? If you didn't answer a direct question that'd be really rude. What if they just asked you a second time? If you said the kid was ugly that would definitely hurt the other person.



nuttyengineer
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09 Jun 2013, 1:05 pm

Most of the OP's responses actually seem pretty tactful to me.

These responses aren't what I should say so much as what I would probably actually say/do. I really have no filter between my brain and mouth, so I'm not known for being overly tactful.

League_Girl wrote:

1. For Christmas, your grandmother gives you a sweatshirt which you think is ugly. She asks how
you like it. What should you say?


(Attempting a smile) Thanks. (My mom actually did this to me for Christmas... I don't understand why, though because she knows that I like to wear darker clothing and she bought me a lime green sweater)

League_Girl wrote:

2. You are watching TV and the phone rings. Your mom answers it and tells you it’s Jane. You
don’t like Jane and don’t want to talk to her. What should you say?


I'm not home.

League_Girl wrote:

3. Your friend gets a new baby sister and you think it is the ugliest baby you’ve ever seen. Your
friend asks you, “Isn’t she the cutest?” What should you say?


Sure.

League_Girl wrote:

4. Your teacher is walking down the hallway with a piece of trash stuck to her shoe heel. What
should you say?


I wouldn't say anything. Honestly I wouldn't think much of it unless it was an especially amusing piece of trash.

League_Girl wrote:

5. Your friend has been talking for 10 minutes with a big piece of broccoli stuck between his teeth.
What should you say?


I also wouldn't say anything here. Instead I would be trying very hard not to look at it because something about someone with food between their teeth really makes me want to gag.

League_Girl wrote:

6. You are visiting your friend’s house and your friend’s mom serves liver and onions for dinner,
which you think is disgusting. What should you say?


No, thank you. I actually already ate. (also, the only friend that I regularly spend time with knows I am a vegetarian and would remind her mom of that)

On a side note, when I was a kid, probably 10 or so, my grandma had made meatloaf for dinner once (which I didn't like) and I just blurted out "Oh, good, we're having pukeloaf for dinner." I felt bad about it after the fact...


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League_Girl
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09 Jun 2013, 1:29 pm

To those that say my responses were good or tactful, thank you. I was hoping to hear from an NT.

I can't think of a none tactful way to telling someone they have something stuck to their shoe or between their teeth. I guess some people are naturally tactful they don't even have to think of how to say it. I always think if you have to really think, you have that difficulty. Normal people don't really have to think. I am sure they do at times but not as often as us.


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naturalplastic
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09 Jun 2013, 6:31 pm

League_Girl wrote:
To those that say my responses were good or tactful, thank you. I was hoping to hear from an NT.

I can't think of a none tactful way to telling someone they have something stuck to their shoe or between their teeth. I guess some people are naturally tactful they don't even have to think of how to say it. I always think if you have to really think, you have that difficulty. Normal people don't really have to think. I am sure they do at times but not as often as us.


Generally people just look you in the eye and silently point to their own bodypart- the mouth if its the teeth, or their foot if its the shoe. And hope you get the idea.

When I was a grade school kid I would hear "youre flying low!" when my fly was down.



chlov
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29 Jun 2013, 12:54 pm

Quote:
1. For Christmas, your grandmother gives you a sweatshirt which you think is ugly. She asks how
you like it. What should you say?


2. You are watching TV and the phone rings. Your mom answers it and tells you it’s Jane. You
don’t like Jane and don’t want to talk to her. What should you say?


3. Your friend gets a new baby sister and you think it is the ugliest baby you’ve ever seen. Your
friend asks you, “Isn’t she the cutest?” What should you say?



4. Your teacher is walking down the hallway with a piece of trash stuck to her shoe heel. What
should you say?


5. Your friend has been talking for 10 minutes with a big piece of broccoli stuck between his teeth.
What should you say?



6. You are visiting your friend’s house and your friend’s mom serves liver and onions for dinner, which you think is disgusting. What should you say?

1- "not really"
2- "tell her I'm not home"
3- "it's just a baby like many others I've seen" (when I look at babies, they all look the same to me)
4- I would just say nothing
5- "you have something between your teeth"
6- "I don't like liver and onions, no problem, I won't eat"