He wont read anything.

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Actually I am trying to make it easier on him by trying to get him to read. He is smart and designes and builds race car engines but does not like reading because he thinks he was never any good at reading. AS is very new to him and I think you are all right in saying he needs to get used to it. At this moment his closest friends know I have Aspergers but his family does not know yet. We think that as time goes on and they get to know me better they will accept this better. In fact they will probably just say "oh ok." and we will all go on as if nothing had just happened. I'm sure they don't care because they like me wierdness and all, knowing will not change anything exept to make them more protective of me.

I have never thought of myself as superior. I looked forward to having my diagnosis and rejoiced when the test showed I was positive. I did not reject my diagnosis. People whom I have known for many years that were always asking what was wrong with me did however reject my diagnosis. It seems strange to me that they wanted to know what was wrong but did not want to know what was wrong. I simply saw my diagnosis as an explanition for why things were they way they were and have never seen it as being something wrong. My struggle is with people who expect me to fit into a square box like everyone else when I clearly only fit into round boxes. I have been always told to be myself and think for myself but the unspoken rule is do as others do and do as you are told.

Correction: I do feel I am superior to people who don't have an ounce of commen sense about the simplest things. These people drive me up a friggin wall.

I hope I didn't offend you; I wasn't implying in the slightest that you fall into this category - you, like most adults looking at diagnosis, seem to find some relief in confirmation of your suspicions and the explanation of your differences, a healthy reaction giving you a way to move forward with your life - but only trying to indicate how negative some reactions can be and that these reactions are part of the way some people deal with the diagnosis. These sort of reactions can also be seen in close family members for all sorts of reasons.

I think my point was not so much in the specific example but in the idea that you don't really know why he is getting mad - is it fear of the unknown? fear that he has let himself in for something he can't deal with? Does his concept of someone on the spectrum clash with who you appear to him to be and he just doesn't understand how varied the presentation can be? Does it look to him like a complication he would prefer to ignore?.....

As you were young when you were diagnosed you probably did not experience the angst and uncertainty of the realisation that you connect with the spectrum that most adults approaching diagnosis experience - many take years from becoming interested and developing a suspicion that they may be on the spectrum to actually deciding to go for diagnosis and then, having made the decision, spend months panicking because they are certain they are wrong and wasting the clinicians time. These years are often spent agonising over whether or not they really are on the spectrum and what that means to them, going through phases of rejection and acceptance over and over. It is quite natural for family members to experience a similar reaction and to spend some time in denial is normal (and sometimes necessary to allow the assimilation of these new and foreign ideas about someone they are close to).

My advice is still to take it gently. Try to find out what worries him without pushing him too hard and then try to fill in his gaps in understanding slowly and tentatively. Books clearly aren't the way forward at the moment but he may come to them when he is a little more comfortable with the idea of the spectrum.

lol. That makes me smile. If I was young when I was diagnosed then 45 must seem young to you. That just happened last July.

I think maybe my boyfriend just doesn't think there is anything wrong with me mentally in comparison to his late wife. She was never diagnosed with anything and I am. The neighbors say I am much smarter and more motivated than she was. Much like the rest of my life has been I just have to wait, wait, wait for things to happen.

oops! Sorry, for some reason I thought you had been diagnosed much younger - something about living with it all your life...

The waiting game's a pain, I hate it too!

You can speed things up a bit but you have to do it gently - if you get frustrated he probably will too.
Do you talk to anyone else about what it means for you? Could he overhear or be part of a discussion with someone else? Could you use a discussion with his parents when you tell them to help him understand more? - they will have questions he might benefit from hearing your answers to and hearing you give the information to someone else may be easier for him to assimilate as he can be more objective in his reactions than when talking directly to you about it

I wonder if his wife was on the spectrum?
And if she wasn't diagnosed then he might be comparing you with her and seeing a more NT-like presentation in you than she had, especially as they were clearly much younger when they got together so he would probably have known her well before she had developed her mature strategies for coping with life...she may have seemed "odder" to him than you appear to him to be and that might be confusing him; how could you have a diagnosis yet be more "normal" than someone he lived with for 30 years who he had always assumed was "normal" and had never considered to be anything else?
(I wouldn't try to bring his wife into it when talking to him though, the comparisons probably won't help your relationship - it's not generally healthy to dwell on old relationships when developing new ones as it can cause jealousy and defensiveness).

Have you read Aspergirls by Rudi Simone? Great book for any woman on the spectrum and it has quite an intriguing title and cover - not clinical, not geeky, just an attractive woman enjoying the freedom of a summer meadow - if you left a book like that lying around because you're reading it he might be tempted to have a sly peek...

I do know his late wife had learning disabilities but I never knew her so I can't say what might have been going on with her. His parents passed away many, many years ago so the only person I can talk to about this is one of his best friends who does understand what is going on.

It is quite possible that I do appear more NT than his wife. I understand she was "odd", a description from the neighbors. The doctor who tested me for Aspergers said I was the most difficult case he had had because I appeared so normal. He diagnosed me with extremely high functioning Aspergers. All the same I do have difficulties most people cannot see. That in itself makes life hard because most people don't understand how I an look and act so normal but be so broken.

I have not read Aspergirls yet. I will try to get it on my kindle. My honey is not likely to touch anything that belongs to me simply because it is not his. Maybe if I tell him he can look at it whenever he wants, if he wants, he may venture forth to look at it.

lol. When we first started going out he used to tell me every night that I was acting odd. (Probably because I am so different than what he was used to.) After about two weeks I piped up and said, "You say I'm odd every night. Face it I'm just odd and things aren't going to change any time soon." Everyone laughed at that including him. He has not brought it up again.

This too has something to do with what I wrote previously here so I didn't make a different thread.

Why is it that when I talk to someone about something nicely they do not understand what I am saying even though I am clearly speaking the same language they speak? Even though I say it several times, nicely, they do not head what I have to say. But when I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard spot and throw a royal fit because they didn't listen they get mad at me. If I were to do the same to them I would have been the one in trouble. Hey... Either way I am in trouble.

So.... What happened?

This morning I wasn't even half awake when honey says "Put your riding gear on. We're getting on the bike." I said "Right now?" he says "Yes right now. Get going and I'll meet you in the driveway." I instantly feel pressured to do something I was not prepared to do and be happy to do it. I have asked him many times to please tell me ahead of time and I will be glad to do whatever it is that he wants to do. I asked him if we could do it tomorrow morning and he said no. Every time he does this I forget to take my medicine because I feel pressured to get out of the house as soon as possible. (bad things happen without them) Besides, I hate surprises. He said it wasn't a surprise. I guess his definition of a surprise is something unexpected and wonderful at the same time. My definition of a surprise is something unwanted because it is unexpected and it doesn't matter how wonderful it is to others. This of course makes me cranky (to say the least) for the rest of the day. He doesn't like me being cranky but refuses to give me a warning that will guarantee that I won't be cranky. ???????? This sets the tone for what happens a few hours later.

Some friends were over tonight and as usual they were drinking. My honey's late wife did not like the friends using the toilet when they had been drinking and they were forced to go behind a bush outside. I had told this one person several times that we do have a toilet inside and to please use it. But because of the late wifes preferances (sp) he continued to go outside. Tonight I went around the side of the house yelled at him and threw a drink at him while he was standing there with his pants down. I told him next time I will grab a hold of his tallywhacker and drag him inside to show him the toilet. How many times does a civilized person have to be civil to another supposedly civilized person before reverting to an animal nature to get them to listen? And when I do behave inappropriatley to get them to act approprate why do I get in trouble when they were the one's being inappropriate to begin with? I mean it is not proper for a grown sane adult to pee outside in the open, is it? If a cop had seen him he would have been in for a lot worse time than me yelling at him.

Crrrruuudd! Sometimes I think we should raise Atlantis to make a safe habitat for Aspies who want to live there
and make it off limits for NT's.

Denial.

Yup.

Maybe he doesn't want you to use AS to define yourself, which you have clearly done.