Were you Bullied? Tell stories

Post Reply New Topic

The definition autism in my elementary school and high school was 'freaking out all the time'. They did not understand that autism in fact has to do with an extreme oversensitivity towards information. I was always generally confused everywhere. Especially in the playground. So yes.. the most fun game in the playground at school was: 'Let's go and tease Marjolein untill she freaks out.' And of course, I always ended up losing control and freaking out. Eventually I did something involuntary like hitting someone and they went to the teacher: 'Miss, Marjolein hit someone'. I was always the naughty kid, resulting in me being kicked out of school for being too annoying and hyperactive (yes I also have ADHD) and I was sent to a school for 'Special Needs Children' (children with behavioral or learning disorders.. a.k.a. juvenile criminals). They said that there would be special aids for children with autism there.. but in fact there weren't. I got more aggressive, hyperactive and couldn't last a day without going home black and blue. Also I was overweight and had huge front teeth and my name rhymes with the Dutch word for rabbit so they called me names like fat stupid rabbit. I had a very low self esteem, even after getting braces, losing half of my body weight and dressing more fashionably. I always felt ugly and stupid.

In high school I always felt like I ended up in Mean Girls. There was one girl being the queen bee and she decided to hate me. All the other girls did not have personalities and just listened to everything she said. I refused to do that and spoke my mind, and was bullied and kicked out of class. I went to a different class, a higher level and wasn't bullied anymore, but just ignored. Nobody ever noticed anything I did. I could have worn my pajamas to school if I wanted to, nobody would have cared anyway. I became completely invisible. Nevertheless I made it into university and now I have a lot of friends. I study psychology and cognitive neuroscience where we learn a lot about autism. They love the fact that I can share my experiences with them and find it very interesting. I am being respected, but still I sometimes feel as if they secretly don't like me that much and just pretend to do so because they don't want to hurt me. I have never had friends and I am just not used to having so many now. I've always felt as if something must have been terribly wrong with me.

I hope this feeling might go away by the time I have a boyfriend.. but so far that hasn't happened yet.

Neohusky and Webalina - People did the same thing to me, treating me like I had germs. They'd say "don't sit next to her, you'll get Tamara (my name) germs". If they accidentally touched me they'd say "eww, I've got Tamara cooties now". They'd dare each other to touch me and ask each other how much they;d have to be paid to touch me or to kiss me (boys). In middle school one girl saw me changing in the gym changing room and pretended to be having a fit. She said "OMG I just saw Tamara with her shirt off. Now I have to gauge my eyes out" A lot of people laughed hysterically at that.

The same thing happened to me.
My classmates in middle school used to say things like "if I seat near her I'll get her germs", or "don't seat near her or you'll become retarded like her"; in fact I was alone on my desk all the time. Not so bad, since I prefer being alone.
If there was no desk where I could be alone in the classroom I just took a chair and sit on it without a desk. Teachers stopped yelling at me for that when they saw I didn't give up.

The same thing happened to me.
My classmates in middle school used to say things like "if I seat near her I'll get her germs", or "don't seat near her or you'll become retarded like her"; in fact I was alone on my desk all the time. Not so bad, since I prefer being alone.
If there was no desk where I could be alone in the classroom I just took a chair and sit on it without a desk. Teachers stopped yelling at me for that when they saw I didn't give up.

In my case the teacher would make all of us sit in our assigned seats so someone had to sit beside me in class. There were four students in each block of desks . I think there was some choice as to which block to sit in but if you didn't choose a place you would be assigned to a block and if you didn't choose a seat you'd be given a seat. They would all fight over not sitting beside me or say "eww" if they had to sit by me but I still had to sit with a group of three other kids and they would continue to tease me during class (after the lecture, during the part of the class where we were given work to do at our desks).

I was blessed in the bullying department. Aside from maybe an instance or two, I pretty much flew under the radar. In fact, the odd, outcast-type kids would usually "adopt" me as a friend. I also typically made friends through my sister (not on the spectrum).

I recall something a shrink told me when I was 14.
My parents had told her that I had been teased a lot in school and then she asked me if I was sad or scared of it.
I said no, that I couldn't feel anything when I was being teased because I didn't care.
She said that according to her I had been actually subconciously traumatized by "bullies" but that my coscience refused to admit so.
My mother agrees.

I don't think it's like that.
Why should I subconciously lie about that? It makes no sense.

In year 10-11 (British version of High school) there were a trio of popular boys who would bully me verbally and emotionally saying very unpleasant things about my mother it made me into the dark, angry loner who would listen to Rammstein and Slipknot in the School basement.

The only time I remember being hurt by the words of a classmate was in 5th grade, when a girl told it would have been better off if I were dead.
I was upset, but after I while I thought that her opinion wasn't as important as mine, and I didn't think it was better if I were dead so f*** her.
However I got my revenge.
I poured orange juice on her t-shirt in the lunch room the same day. She asked me why and I told her the reason, she said "I'm sorry I was joking" but I didn't forgive her.
And then I became passive-aggressive towards her and I started criticizing everything she did and said.