Were you Bullied? Tell stories

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I very strongly agree.

Last edited by daydreamer84 on 30 Jun 2013, 1:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Does the story have to be about me or can I tell my friends story and how he was bullied?

I went through hell at secondary school.

I didn't get much at all in the way of physical bullying - I was just too big and I think that they sensed that I would have a go back. In fact I can remember a number of occasions when I stood up to tough guys with smaller friends literally hiding behind me.

What I got was ridicule. This was done by groups of no less than three who stood well outside my grabbing range.

I'll admit that I was awkward, perhaps a bit immature and didn't take enough care over my personal grooming. In my defense I will say that I was an only child who had had a sheltered upbringing and quite possibly had/has AS (I'm currently awaiting the appointment for my assessment).

I found that gossip about me spread so that people I'd never interacted with before came up to me and gave me grief. I found that the friends I had (those same friends who hid behind me in the presence of a physical bully) turned against me because I was unfashionable to be seen around.

I was told to ignore them and they will stop. They don't. They escalate.

I was told years later by a psychologist that I should have isolated one of the ringleaders, dragged him into the toilets and beaten the s**t out of him. Maybe I should have done but that wasn't the way my mind worked then or now. I would have been too afraid of getting into trouble (I know the authorities would have come down harder on me). I also know that the person I beat would have got back at me with a group later on.

In primary school (age 5-11) I was somewhat of a loner. I only made fast friends by the age of 8 or 9.

I was not happy being alone, and I would often be targetted by people for mockery or isolation. I remember having a bobble hat stolen and thrown around the playground when I was 7 or 8- I'm still grateful to the boy who got it back, he was also disabled so we had something in common, though we had different interests so we were never friends. In retrospect I probably missed a trick there.

Anyway, by the end of primary school I had a good group of friends. The core of the group were all going to different secondary schools though. However, "fortunately", a large proportion of another group which was closely associated with my group were going to the same secondary school. I did not know it at the time, but I was deliberately put in a class with this group to make the transition easier... If only

That group of people systematically disowned me. They accused me of "stalking" them when I tried to join in with their conversations and such. I was isolated and ridiculed. This escalated into me being physically hit on more than one occasion. Worse, this started to spread to other members of the class. One day my parents saw me getting ready for bed and asked where the bruises came from. I told them, but tried to dissuade them from telling the school. I think my parents let it go for a week, but when I reported no improvement, phone calls were made.

My story was verified because my parents didn't know the names of all the culprits. My Head of Year summoned in the ones responsible, but my parents had left one out, so all the others blamed him.

As I understand it, my Head of Year scared them by threatening to call the police. I did not have any more trouble from them as a group. Some of them have turned out to be dicks, some I am now friends with.

Anyway, since then I've not really had any issues with bullying. I get a lot of random abuse in the streets, but I've reached the stage where I can just brush it off.

Oh, I forgot- my football team were not very nice to me. I could neither handle their banter nor play well enough to convince them to stop. In retrospect I could have dealt with it better, except for a single incident where one of my team mates raked his studs down the back of my leg.

I didn't had to "switch off" anything. I just couldn't fell. Even if I tried to care about what other people think of me, I just couldn't, because I feel completely disconnected from them.
It's not that I decided "not to feel" or "to ignore them".
I have no control on my feelings, I can assure you.
I often feel angry, even without a reason, and when I am I often scream and kick and punch things. When I am sad I just can't stop being sad and thinking about nehative things and I can do nothing to make myself feel better. When I feel anxious I just can't calm down and I often end up having a panick attack. I have no control over my feelings.
It's just that things like being teased or being isolated or hearing people say "I will never seat next to her/I hate her" are not enough to make me feel anything.
I would never say that someone should "switch off" their feelings or ignore them since I am the last one that can do so, and I can neither judge people that get hurt because of someone else's words; who am I to judge people?
If people feel hurt from other people's words, it means that probably they are less dissociated and can "feel" more than I do.

I didn't had to "switch off" anything. I just couldn't fell. Even if I tried to care about what other people think of me, I just couldn't, because I feel completely disconnected from them.
It's not that I decided "not to feel" or "to ignore them".
I have no control on my feelings, I can assure you.
I often feel angry, even without a reason, and when I am I often scream and kick and punch things. When I am sad I just can't stop being sad and thinking about nehative things and I can do nothing to make myself feel better. When I feel anxious I just can't calm down and I often end up having a panick attack. I have no control over my feelings.
It's just that things like being teased or being isolated or hearing people say "I will never seat next to her/I hate her" are not enough to make me feel anything.
I would never say that someone should "switch off" their feelings or ignore them since I am the last one that can do so, and I can neither judge people that get hurt because of someone else's words; who am I to judge people?
If people feel hurt from other people's words, it just means that probably they are less dissociated and can "feel" more than I do.

had not posted here until now because it is a very raw topic for self.
have been severely bullied,lifelong.
had attended a catholic mainstream infant/junior school because parents had wanted to keep self together in the same school with sister though teachers had tried to get a transfer to our nearest special school as early as reception in infants.
was left to rot in school with the other severely special needs kids by the teachers, as was assumed to be disturbed,backward and unteachable.
was resented by them and treated as a burden for being there,was beaten with wooden rulers every day and thrown up against walls face first to be restrained and thrown on to tables,was called backward,thick and simple-this was every day,mum and dad never mentioned a word about the brusing because they had not understood it at the time and were resentful to,was non verbal so was not able to defend self via language.
they wondered why had thrown tables and chairs when was attacked and abused like that.
the kids were worse,they woud deliberately push or abuse to the point woud fight them,they woud act badly injured [and admitedly sometimes they were because of them being so vicious] was on 'formal report' every week and regulary was suspended or made to sit in the head masters office with him all day,he was a d/head; had a cane from the old days which he used even though it was long past the legal days of corporal punishment.
none of those mother/frs realise was not able to feel pain,but due to having LD [AKA intelectual disability in america] had had such a low understanding of why they were doing this,had felt so hated by them,didnt know what had done wrong, and then was picked up by dad who had stormed in shouting,dragged home by the wrist whilst the other one got punches in,then was hit with any item he had to hand at home,again they didnt have a clue that had not felt it nor that had completely misinterpreted what he was doing,had never even recognised him as dad,in fact its only in the past four years we have got anywhere near mending those fractures.

was physicaly and verbaly bullied by both girls and boys,and was also handed items where people woud then hold hands [of mine] and lead to bag of mine,was made to drop these items in the bag and was then reported by a load of them for stealing kids stuff,they said to go look in the bag and all the stuff was in there, it was way over head what had happened;had had no idea what had done,but was suspended for stealing,punched by dad in front of kids which made them laugh and was being dragged out the door with him shouting,of course got a decking when we were home.

luckily had gone to a theraputic special school for high school [which in the UK we go to from a younger age],incredible teachers who gave a damn, woud not be the level am at today if it wasnt for them,but was expelled at fifteen due to behavior and forgoten by the school authoritys,this was before the days where they dragged parents to court for any kid who wasnt in school regardless of circumstances.
in the community was bullied by local kids and adults; physicaly and verbaly,coudnt go out of the gate without it happening even though was always with family.
was attacked by two girls with some type of stanley knife one night and abused like crazy for being a 'retard', was also under regular attack from one gang of teenagers;mostly girls,was continuously hit with bricks,stones etc and they were shouting all the usual disablist BS, and they were each trying to encourage each other to go 'twat her', they woud have got the biggest beating of their life if they had tried.
it didnt matter to them that mum was stood right there to,that was back when had attended a special college, and had been picked up in our minibus at a busstop.
turned out,one of the girls in class knew the ring leaders of the gang and they were students of a local special school to;albeit a EBD/naughty kids school,she threatened them and they stopped the physical abuse at least.

was nearly expelled from the special college had gone to as well because was a victim of severe physical and disablist mental bullying;every day was targeted by a load of them and attacked;this was a special school; most of the kids were EBD and had been expelled from every other school, whereas the college building was for adults with SMLD or PMLD so the most vulnerable and different looking were targets.
had personaly reacted to the bullying one day because had gone through a year of it and was fcking threatened with expulsion because they were a kid and am adult! for a special college its incredible they never took mental capacity into consideration instead of assuming they were the vulnerable one.

anyway,luckily had finished the course and was moved out of manchester into a learning disability institution, had had an incredible phobia of manchester because of the bullying in the area.
had also become the target of severe long term grooming,abuse,bullying,cryptic bullying,libel,identity/autism copying,discrimination and gas lighting by a old WP user who has always had a thing for faking autism, intelectual disability and sockpuppeting many different identities that arent anything to do with themselves, have mentioned it several times since coming back here but it had affected life so much and went on for so long because of lacking the communication ability and capacity to know what to do,he actualy triggered severe major depressive disorder and paranoid schizophrenia,had never knew anyone coud be actualy jealous of someones disabilities but he was and of the support services ,blue badge and benefits of mine.
am still greatly affected by the effects of his bullying but he was the inspiration to start a secure social nework for intelectualy disabled adults and those who work with us,as well as a sub site helping people with intelectual disability get support with cyber bullying-because there is bugger all for us on the internet,the site is supported by social services learning disability team and trafford council.
most people think adults cant get cyber bullied but not all of us have the same mental capacity to function at the same level and be able to deal with it/know what to do.

Sorry if it was phrased wrong, was a bit flustered while writing. Still, just because only 4% of people weren't bullied doesn't mean you were. Saying that since something is a minority it doesn't apply to you is generally a pretty bad basis for argument or thought. Plus you never answered the question. I think a simple yes or no would have done. If you feel uncomfortable divulging that then I'm sorry, forget that. But just because you had the same circumstances of many people who were bullied doesn't mean you yourself are a victim of bullying.

And obviously I don't think bullying has only happened to me. Many other people here have shared their experiences and it's a very real thing. It just doesn't mean EVERY autistic child going to a public school will or has been bullied.

The answer is yes. I thought that was clear.

No one here thinks that bullying only happens to them, Max. However, what you describe sounds quite mild compared to the bullying I experienced, and compared to what several posters here have described. Couple that with your own stance that everyone who was bullied is at fault for being distressed by it and could have easily chosen otherwise, and it makes it very difficult for me to accept that you're describing the same thing that everyone else has described. Not that it couldn't be bullying, but that the severity doesn't seem quite as bad.

Why do you stop to ask if people are making a particular error ("why does everybody think that bullying is something that only happens to them?") but not stop to examine your own very similar error: "Why doesn't anyone respond to bullying the way Max000 did?"

It's like this bit I quoted before:

That's not bullying, and your posts in this thread seem to indicate that this is what you perceive bullying to be, and perceive people to be reacting to.

When it comes to bullying "talking s**t about you" is the least of one's problems. Look at KingdomOfRats' post, wherein he describes some rather extreme situations that actually do fall under the category of bullying. Would you have been able to dismiss being framed for stealing? Being beaten for things you didn't do? Being beaten by teachers?

I didn't get bullied as severely as he did, but the stuff that happened to me was similar in kind, if not intensity. Where you can no longer just blow it off because it's just people talking s**t is when their actions have a tangible impact on you.

I guess what I mean is: What you were saying in this thread doesn't help at all, and also happens to be factually wrong. People can't just choose these things. Don't you think that Sweetleaf would rather not be suicidal? If she could just choose not to be, don't you think she would? It's not that simple, and trying to frame it as such not only doesn't help but risks making things worse.

I'm really sorry to hear that is happening to you and hope that the amount of replies you have had will show you that you are not alone. People all over the world face the same problems as you do, just for being ourselves. It stinks, but I think you already know that! Try and stay strong and hopefully it will pass. Be proud of yourself and don't let anybody try to convince you they are better than you because they aren't.

One thing you might consider is looking to join a martial arts group near you. The object isn't to learn to be a fighter, but to learn how to defend yourself from people who would do you harm. This is a big difference and it really did help me to gain confidence and to confront one of my bullies. I blocked his punch and 'palm healed' him on the nose (you don't use a fist but use the flat of the palm of your hand instead) resulting in blood everywhere and I did get into trouble....... but it was worth it. Word quickly spread that I knew some Ju jitsu and they found a new target. I'm not advising you to be violent, just to be able to defend and protect yourself. It is great for everybody of all ages, gender and ability.

Thank you for having the courage to open this thread and giving a lot of people the opportunity to share their stories.

Thank you.

chlov: I wasn't trying to judge anyone who really felt that way, was only saying that to tell others "don't let it bother you" isn't the best way. Like you noted, it depends on the person's emotional construction.

I was - until I finally snapped and set my assailant's hair on fire with a malfunctioning lighter that would shoot flames of up to four inches in height, putting him in hospital with second degree burns (shouldn't have used hairspray). I got suspended from school, and my parents had to talk his parents out of pressing charges - but I never got bullied again.

In case anyone's reading this and thinking "Oo-er, what a psycho", I should point out that the person who was bullying me whacked me in the face with a broken chairleg so hard he almost broke my nose - and that unfortunately I could never have taken him by means of physical stregnth alone because he was considerably bigger than me. I'd also reported him to the headmaster, but the school authorities never lifted a finger to help me , so I didn't have much choice but to take the matter into my own hands. by this point I was so pissed off that with hindsight I'm very glad I don't live in the States and have access to a firearm, otherwise God knows how this might all have ended up.

It's probably also worth pointing out that about seven years later I bumped into him at a rave and discovered we were both partaking in the fashionable refreshments of the era - whereupon we hugged each other and both said "You're alright".
.
Ah, teenagers.

More stories from me XD

One time, I was outside when I noticed that a kid was playing catch with his Aid. I was wondering how come even he had someone to play with and I was the only one who didnt, but my thoughts were interrupted when I was whacked in the head with the ball by the aid.The kid grabbed the ball and continued playing catch. I was pretty annoyed at the fact that the aid didnt say sorry so I shot a menacing glare at her. The aid then waked up to me and basically screamed "WHY DID YOU GIVE -name sensored- A DIRTY LOOK?" I was scared, but managed to say camly "that look was at you for hitting me in the head with a ball". She then screamed "NO,DON'T LIE TO ME!" I then started bawling so much I barely noticed the usual stares I was getting. I then told someone else who told me that it probably didnt even hurt that much and I was making a big deal out of nothing -_-

Also, Once I was in Social Studies when a kid told me to sit down in a chair at his table. I did, confused, and then they told another kid "hey, look who is in your seat!" Which got him to react and say "EW! GROSS!" They then told me I could leave. Another kid at the table then said "that wasn't a compliment to let you sit there. We just wanted to gross -name sensored- out." I then was really upset, but it got worse when the kid who's chair I sat in took his chair and went to swap It with someone's. When he went to do that, the owner of the chair he was going to take said "Ew, no!". The kid then swapped it with an empty chair.

Some smaller incidents are

A kid was passing out folders, and when he came to mine he picked up a ruler and scraped it off the pile then passed out the rest normally.

I was looking for a partner when the same kid asked if he could make a group of three. The teacher said "yes, if there is no one to work with.". He then made the group of three, ignoring me.

I was walking through the hallway when some girl shouted "Hey look! It's that girl!" And pointed at me. Everyone started laughing.

I was nice to pick up a paper someone dropped, and they said "Ew", then picked a part I hadn't touched up with the tips of their thumb and index finger, When the collectors came to collect his paper, he said "I would be careful with that if I were you. Melanie touched it"
(I am Melanie)

The same guy once refused to collect my paper because I had touched it.

Once, we were listening to a song that said "no, no,no, no more mosquito". A kid said in response to that "no,no,no,no more Melanie"

There were alot more, i am just saying some XD

Wow....having some flashbacks thinking about this topic...

Most of the bullying I endured was of the verbal variety, I don't recall any physical abuse, although I was threatened at least once.
* My father has ALWAYS been critical and bullying of me. I've never been able to do anything right in his eyes.

* Kids told each other not to play with me because I had "Cindy germs"...Cindy is my name.

* Girls who I thought were my friends turned their backs on me when I befriended a couple of girls in my class who were considered outcasts.

* I got yelled at on the playground while trying to play volleyball -- I had never played before and caught the ball when it came to me.

* My teacher announced that I was receiving a "perfect attendance" award. Two girls in my class started arguing and said that they remembered that I had been out and shouldn't get the award (the girls were wrong and I got the award.)

* I was cornered by several girls after I had mentioned to one of them that I had heard a certain boy liked me. They taunted me about why I could have believed such a thing, that I was ugly and no boy would ever like me.

* My school clothes were thrown in the shower during gym class, while I was wearing my gym clothes.

* A teacher made fun of one of my answers on a test in front of all the class.

* A guy in high school would bark and howl every time I walked past.

* Our class counselor made fun of me because I was born in the North and was therefore a "Yankee" (this was a class in a SE Texas school).

* My foot fell asleep in class, and when I got up to leave I fell, books flying everywhere. Instead of volunteering to help me up and making sure that I was OK, my English teacher stood there and laughed at me.