I can't beleive this, turns out we were both aspies

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Johnny333
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11 Jun 2013, 1:51 am

After almost 2 years of relationship, I found out I was an aspie, at first, she didn't understand. At school, she was tought a bunch of cliches about AS, or maybe the autism label just distorted all the info in her perception... Anyways, I tend to be an IT or Math puzzle kind of guy with interests in philosophy and history, she's more of an artist with fascinations for nature and animals. Don't be fooled into thinking aspies are all nerds like I thought at first. Here is a funny story. She helped me with my aspie quiz as I was about to go meet a psychiatrist, I came back with an official diagnostic and she was ok with it since it did explain a lot of my odd behavior. I think I scored somewhere around 162. But that night, she begged me to do it for her, and she scored 158 loll. In the end, I guess that's why we get along so well. It's all the stereotypes that got us confused I guess. So she cares nothing for rubik cubes or can't play chess or knows nothing about computer programing. But still, she'll obsess about a farm project for months and then let it go once something new comes along, and she is a wonderfull artist. My stereotype was that an aspie is an intellectual, and we both beleived it. Turns out these stereotypes can be missleading as in some aspects of aspie traits (like aspie research), she scored even higher than me.

I guess aspie is more about having above average motivation in unique interests, someone very passionate and who stands out a lot from the crowd but in a solitary way... I mean, if you're happy living with your interests and rarely seek social company from friends, my bet is chances are you're likely an aspie, it isn't that extreme of a diagnostic... It's only when you see yourself through the eyes of NTs that it all makes no sense. I mean you could be a painter or a computer programmer, doesn't make you an aspie or an nt, but that's not something I quite understood before my girlfriend took the test...

But I'm not surprised now, me with an NT would have never worked.... We'd just have nothing to talk about....

So now I see why we felt "typical" amongst each other...

So weird....

Anyone else had similar "couple diagnostics"?



redrobin62
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11 Jun 2013, 2:16 am

Nope. Alone forever.



J-P
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11 Jun 2013, 2:18 am

redrobin62 wrote:
Nope. Alone forever.


Same and plus i'm an anti-love



Beej
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11 Jun 2013, 2:54 am

Not at all but I have been wondering recently if it is easier dating another aspie than an NT. I don't date, for many reasons, but I think that another aspie would be the best option as it would be easier to avoid triggers such as excessive touching, etc. Do you think that's true?



Skilpadde
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11 Jun 2013, 4:48 am

Johnny333 wrote:
So she cares nothing for rubik cubes or can't play chess or knows nothing about computer programing.

Haha, I'm the same :lol:

Quote:
Quote:
Anyone else had similar "couple diagnostics"?

My ex is also an aspie. We were friends and seemed to get along fine, but when we became an item there was so much fighting, and he was demanding, needy and resorted to emotional blackmail. He also expected me to be his mother and save him from drugs, alcohol, speeding and eating candy instead of food. :roll: In addition he was jealous of my family for living with me and spending so much time with me, and he would get sullen when I had family duties. He was very moody. I can be moody too, but I made an effort to control it, he didn't seem to. Needless to say, my feelings for him died quickly.
I think what I saw of him in the relationship was more real than what I saw when we were friends, because my opinion seem to be the same in those who knew him well.

Quote:
But I'm not surprised now, me with an NT would have never worked.... We'd just have nothing to talk about....

My ex and I started out as friends and he is one of 3 people I have been able to hold a conversation with for hours. (the other two being my mother and my maternal grandfather). But after some months of almost daily communication (sometimes for more than 12 hours), the well dried up. I just didn't have anything more to say. I had warned him I usually never have anything to say, but he wouldn't listen, and the moment he saw proof of that himself, he was all "you could if you wanted to" and "you don't really like me, do you?"
So I know that an aspie doesn't necessarily mean more understanding for aspie traits. He was completely incapable of understanding things that were issues for me but not for him. It wasn't easy for me to understand his issues either, but at least I understood that we were different. He didn't seem to. It seemed he thought we were really alike but I just gave him a hard time for whatever reason. I have received more understanding from my NT family!

Quote:
Not at all but I have been wondering recently if it is easier dating another aspie than an NT. I don't date, for many reasons, but I think that another aspie would be the best option as it would be easier to avoid triggers such as excessive touching, etc. Do you think that's true?

That will depend entirely on the aspies in question. I'm the type who hates touching and needs a lot of alone-time. He was the type to love touching and hugging, and thought of alone--time as just-the-two-of-us-time. I was happy with us having lives that didn't include the other (like interests, and employment), while he would prefer to be glued together. I'm hypoactive, he's hyperactive. I hate danger, he loves it.
I've never been in relationship with an NT, so I don't know what that would be like, but I know from experience that relationship with another aspie can be tricky, hard and not worth the effort. And heaven knows I tried. There was only one thing I wasn't willing to do (Skype because cams make me very uncomfortable), and one thing I wasn't able to do (talk when I had nothing to say),and he used that to prove that I didn't really love him, and that I wasn't ready for a relationship. He had this unrealistic view that partners will always do what the other part wants. It was like being with a sulky, spoilt overromantic-totally-unrealistic teenage girl!


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Johnny333
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11 Jun 2013, 1:33 pm

J-P wrote:
redrobin62 wrote:
Nope. Alone forever.


Same and plus i'm an anti-love


I was at times in that exact spot, maybe not as much because I don't dislike touch... But anti love, anti-couples, anti-having kids, anti friends, even at a time, anti sex.

But never say never, I'm still anti friends, but I would die for my aspie gf, she's what I've been searching for all my life.

I guess the only advice I can give is that if two people love each other, that doesn't mean there won't be war at first, I usually say "we got all of our crazy s**t out in the first year so we don't have to deal with it later"

And other advice, since there is most likely going to be war, be true to yourself and let it end if you don't feel like this could be a 'till death does us appart deal, don't cling to something unhealthy.

I want to add something, aspies could both be coming out of extremely harmfull relationships, so don't forget you have this honesty and loyalty to offer, as a guy, in a world where everybody cheats, you are truely the jackpot to many women who have lost faith in men... Some will see this as the best quality you could have to offer, and that could make her hate NTs, but not hate you...



Johnny333
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11 Jun 2013, 1:46 pm

To skilpadde, absolutly agree 100% that being aspie doesn't mean understanding other's aspies traits... The way I see it though, we can at least have an understanding of how much a person may have previously suffered enourmously in previous relationships and this can lead to a sort of empathy... In a way, if I know I can be a pain sometimes, I'll have more understanding if she is a pain sometimes. Not that I'll understand why she's a pain, but I can at least know that there is a lot of suppressed hurt in an aspie and when it comes out, it's good to know that it's not really directed at you per say... It's like knowing a meltdown isn't generated AT you, when NTs might not see this as easily (given that they are maybe less prone to meltdowns themselves)... But you are absolutly right, being with an aspie isn't like being with an alien from the same planet as you, I feel it is more like knowing you are both aliens from seperate planets but you connect from being both aliens... ;-)



Beej
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12 Jun 2013, 7:38 am

Thank you both for your replies. I love the alien analogy, Johnny, that's what I wanted to ask I just didn't know how to word it. :)