Calm here, but not there

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ibookfan92
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 19 Nov 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 40

29 Jun 2013, 1:43 pm

It's getting hurtful and frustrating. Several people in my family do not understand me at all. I have tried talking to them, but they do not see "me" as being who I am when I'm at home or when I go places.

Let me explain this best I can. I'm calm at home in front of my notebook computer, programming for the fun of it or just learning computer history. And sometimes I will randomly shout, laugh and repeat movie lines, when I'm excited. And several of them have told me, "Why do you act so locked up out there? Why are you this way at home, when we can't even get you to talk to people out there?"

And I do know that when I have to go outside this zone, I end up scratching my head in one place pretty much constantly from what I've been told (which I think is stimming), with my head down and very quiet. After so much input, I'm well aware that I pretty much don't want to talk to anyone and just want to go back. Installing a coding app on my tablet has helped somewhat. Now, I've told them about it--including that I really do not like being in crowds and honestly feel pressure inside when I have to walk into random stores and places. Too much florescent light in some places can become almost like a white fog when it's too bright, and it's annoying. At the end of the day, I end up hitting myself or going into a dark room somewhere until I calm down. So recently, when they've asked me this, I've been quiet.

All I want to know is this--am I the only one? Why the personality shift, if it is at all? Could it be too much input? I do seem to be a totally different person at home than "out there". Is this a trait of ASD at all? Do any of you go through this, or... basically, what do you think? I'm really confused with this, and I've googled it, though this is nothing new with me. Thanks, all. :-)