If you were bullied at school, did it...

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I can't choose. "Break" and "devastate" are too extreme and "make me stronger" feels to me like it's giving too much credit to the bullies. They didn't make me stronger. They were trying to boost their own low self-esteem by putting me down and if I am stronger because of it, it's all due to my decision not to keep thinking about it and letting it ruin my life.

Though, that said, the bullying did have an effect that lasted for years, making me shyer and more wary around people and always feeling that people who seemed to like me were just tolerating me and being kind. It certainly doesn't help someone who has an inborn trouble deciphering social cues be any less anxious trying to fit in with people -- conversations, etc. -- even now.

In retrospect, it's hard for me to say what caused what. I blame a lot of my mishaps as the result of bullying. I was also bullied outside of school and mugged as an adult. I was also an immigrant and loner so the ways of the new world were lost on me. Of course, I'm also autistic, so being able to relate to people and communicate normally with them was just not possible. I'm sure these and other factors (like being a closet gay and racism) led to my eventual downfall.

The bulling that I received at school broke me, but than I learned something from those experiences. I became a gentle soul and decided that I wasn't going to hurt anybody in any way. I guess that I was fearful and angry for the first 34 years of my life, than I learned something from it and chose a gentle soul for a role model. My parents weren't good role models for me and I promised myself that I wouldn't be like them. That's the reason that I chose Mick Avory to be my role model.

It broke me, I was only 6 when the worst of it started, both verbel and physical from kids and teachers, perhaps it would have been better if it happend at a later age like highschool however I think given the age I was the effects became so ingrained into my thought process and personallty that theres no way to completely heal the damage and gets in the way of life alot. I don't recall having the issues with anxiety, trust, self-doubt and depression that I have now before the bullying. I naturally came up with a few coping stratigys after a few years as a child, all were in reallity not very good ideas at all and in the long term were/are detrimantal to me as far as making and keeping friends, being social, active and outgoing etc. Its alot to try to unlearn.